WASHINGTON – Wikileaks has dropped a bombshell cache of U.S. diplomatic cables.

Wikileaks – the biggest dump yet.

A cache of a quarter-million confidential American diplomatic cables, most of them from the past three years, provides an unprecedented look at back-room bargaining by embassies around the world, brutally candid views of foreign leaders and frank assessments of nuclear and terrorist threats.

Also revealed, is that the U.S. State Department has employed Bat Boy for special espionage missions.  Bat Boy was unavailable for comment.

There’s  more than a quarter-million back-channel cables that include brutally candid assessments of world leaders and previously undisclosed details of nuclear and antiterrorism activity — represents the most embarrassing and potentially damaging disclosure of American diplomatic material in decades.

“I don’t see the world ending … but lots of red, sputtering faces in D.C., embassies and capitals,” a senior American diplomat told POLITICO early Sunday, just before the release of the documents, which chronicle the sprawling growth of the U.S. diplomatic and intelligence corps after the 2001 terrorist attacks.

The diplomat also predicted that governments and individuals overseas are likely to clam up as a result of the disclosures, “since no one will trust us to keep a secret for a while,” while “various and sundry interest groups will cherry-pick whatever can be found in the documents to support whatever version of reality they are peddling.”

For weeks, the Obama administration had been pressuring WikiLeaks, and its controversial founder, Julian Assange, to withhold publication of the documents, arguing that their publication could compromise the lives of U.S. service members and officials.

Julian Assange

Assange, whose website came under cyberattack Sunday, refused to comply — even ignoring an eleventh-hour plea from the State Department’s legal adviser, who said publication of the documents was illegal and could undermine national security.

But they are also deeply embarrassing, providing off-the-cuff assessments by American diplomats of world leaders, critiques that were expected to be released only decades from now. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is compared to Hitler, French President Nicolas Sarkozy is called an “emperor with no clothes,” Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai is “driven by paranoia,” according to the cables, while German Chancellor Angela Merkel earns high marks as a “Teflon” politician.

The sheer size of the dump — a mountain of gossip, intrigue, high-stakes policy and lowbrow humor — may ensure that some damaging revelations that might have been front-page stories if leaked one by one get lost in the shuffle.

The long-expected release of the documents — scheduled to be published simultaneously at around 4:30 p.m. EST by The New York Times, Germany’s Der Spiegel, Spain’s El Pais, France’s Le Monde and Britain’s Guardian — was accelerated by a few hours after a German Twitter user obtained an early copy of Der Spiegel and began posting tidbits online.

One especially damaging revelation — previously unknown — details a conversation between Petraeus and the president of Yemen, Ali Abdullah Saleh, in which Saleh offers to claim U.S. airstrikes on suspected Al Qaeda militants were actually conducted by his forces.

WWN has learned that Bat Boy is flying to Saudi Arabia to try to contain some of the Wikileak damage.

MISSOULA, MT – Kim Jong Il was seen performing in the most unlikeliest of places.

The Triple Deuce, a rural bar just outside Missoula, was visited by the dictator of communist North Korea last Thursday. Kim Jong Il attended the weekly open mic night, playing an acoustic set of blues and country standards with a few songs he wrote about his time on the road.

In the past few months, Korean authorities have come under fire for covering for their missing leader.  News agencies and governments have been skeptical of the military’s excuses, especially after obviously faked photos were released by North Korea’s official news agency.

Pyongyang’s Minister of Truth stated via phone, “Of course Our Dear Leader is here! He wouldn’t gallivant around the United States for months at a time and never call.  Absurd! He’s here right now!”

When asked if Weekly World News could speak to Kim, the Minister replied, “Just one moment. Dearest Leader, there’s a phone call for- Oh, sorry, he’s too busy teaching orphans to read.  That’s our Glorious Leader!” and then promptly hung up.

Kim Jong Il played a fifteen minute set including “Walk the Line” by Johnny Cash, “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You”, and songs he wrote titled “Sovereign Highway Rambler” and “Lonely at the Top of Mount Paektu”.

Crowds were unsure of how to react to the singing dictator.  Receiving mostly polite applause, he held back tears as he finished his final song and walked off the stage.  After paying for his two ginger ales, he left the bar.

The American government is unsure of what Kim Jong Il may be doing here or where he is going on his tour of the United States. State Department insiders believe he may be working on a solo album.  He was last seen heading south on I-15.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In one of the most shocking moves of his candidacy run, John McCain has proposed selling Hawaii to Japan to help repair the economy, a leading Washington insider has informed Weekly World News.

“Basically, Senator McCain sees this as a quick and easy way to generate a huge bundle of cash,” stated the source, an upper-echelon State Department official with close ties to McCain’s inner circle.

“As everyone knows, the U.S. economy is hurting real bad. McCain figures that by selling Hawaii, he’ll be able to pay off a sizeable portion of the recent bailout of AIG while also generating funding for continuing military operations in Iraq, and quite possibly, a full-scale invasion of Iran.”

Initially, McCain considered putting up Massachusetts for sale, along with several other “blue” states. But after Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin pointed out such an action might trigger a massive popular revolt on the U.S. mainland, he decided to hang a “For Sale” sign on remote, isolated Hawaii.

“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway,” the Senator is alleged to have said at a campaign strategy meeting.

The campaign’s spokesman has been sure to point out that this has nothing to do with Hawaii being Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama’s home state. “It never occurred to Senator McCain, and frankly, we find it offensive that that is even being suggested.”

It is widely believed that Japan would outbid any other countries, including Canada, China and Australia, for ownership of the “Aloha state.”

According to a telephone poll of Hawaiian residents conducted last week, 98 percent described themselves as “extremely pissed” after being told about the Senator’s alleged plan.

“He’s so lolo!*” fumed Roy Kaena, a Honolulu native. When asked if he would be voting for McCain, he proclaimed “Not! I nevah.**”

*= “He’s an idiot”
**= ““Of course not! That is inconceivable.”