BRISTOL, CT – The worldwide leader in sports was the victim of a very funny prank!

The release of Eagle’s running back Brian Westbrook set the stage for the prank. Westbrook was released by the Eagles on Tuesday ending an eight-year career with the team that included nearly 6,000 rushing yards and more than 3,800 receiving yards. ESPN obviously sought out an interview with the former star running back, and they appeared to secure one.

Brain Westbrook was actually Captain Janks from the Howard Stern Show. The interview proceeded as if nothing was wrong until 40 seconds into the conversation. “Westbrook” said, “I have nothing but respect for head coach Andy Reid and I look forward to a future of worshipping the prostate of Howard Stern.” For those that watched the moment there aren’t many words that come to mind, but “priceless” seems like a good fit.

Janks went on to explain the work that went into the prank on Howard Stern’s broadcast on Wednesday. He called posing as Westbrook’s manager, using a made-up name. ESPN initially told him it wanted to tape the interview, but Janks countered with, “I’d rather have my client do it live because we don’t want you guys to cut the interview up.” ESPN walked right into that one.

This is not the first time ESPN has been had. In 2003, shortly after the Cubs lost to the Florida Marlins in the National League Championship series, an unidentified Stern fan also made it live on “SportsCenter,” posing as infamous Cubs fan Steve Bartman.

The caller fooled former anchor Dan Patrick for nearly two minutes until he made his own off-queue reference to Stern’s anatomy. A humored Dan Patrick took it in stride, saying, “We’ve been had. That was not Steve Bartman.”

Scott Van Pelt’s face is priceless and the awkward silence hysterical. Watch the moment below.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Putting an end to speculation, former NFL great and 3-time retiree Brett Favre announced he ‘would’ be coming back to the league. However, ‘not’ as a quarterback.

“I love the league, I love the game, and I still want to contribute, but my playing days are over. I’ve never felt comfortable on the sidelines, but now I’m starting the new chapter of my career, exclusively on the sidelines…as a cheerleader.”

Many in the sports community were shocked that the NFL’s most durable quarterback ever would return to cheer on his teammates.  “I was shocked”, said one teammate.  Shoeless Joe thanked him for his candor.

Why?  Why would Brett come back as a cheerleader? Maybe it’s his unbridled love for the game.  Or his desire to participate on Sundays.  His wife even suggested it doesn’t suck to hang out with sexy girls in mini skirts.  “As long as he doesn’t make it rain with them, I’m all for it,” said his wife.

Said Favre, “I was approached by most of the major networks, and CBS, about joining their broadcasting team.  But I still have more to contribute to the game.  And it’s important I do that ‘on’ the field.”

This reporter thinks the move could be revolutionary.  And is it really so much different than NFL stars like Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith, and Michael Irvin participating on “Dancing with the Stars”?  NFL players know teamwork, moving in sync, and performing in front of crowds.  Who wouldn’t like to see Brett start the next trend in former players? Congrats on your new profession Brett.  Give me a B-R-E-T-T.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – After weeks of speculation as to why she quit/stepped-down/quit her duties as Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has resurfaced… in the sporting world. Today in New York, a press conference is scheduled to announce that the former ‘almost’ 2nd most powerful person on the planet has taken the lateral move to become commissioner of the WNBA.

(pause for silent applause and reflection).

Said current NBA czar of the universe, David Stern, ‘We couldn’t be more excited to have Sarah join our family.  She’s smart, hot, finishes most jobs, and has the kind of experience we’re looking for because she played point guard in high school.  Plus you know we are always talking about expansion in the WNBA, well she can see Europe from her new office in New York, and that has to count for something’.

The Governor-quitter was unavailable for comment yesterday, but her free-loading soulmate of a husband did offer some insight as to why Sarah would take the position. ‘First and foremost, it’s a really cool title’, said Todd Palin.  ‘Sarah didn’t like the word ‘vice’ anyway, and commissioner solves that problem.  Plus, can you think of anyone with a more qualified resume than her?’ Actually, this reporter can. But all of them have jobs.

How this effects the former Republican VP’s long-term political future is uncertain. Will this new 7-year appointment become her new 2-year passion?  Or will the experience of running an unpopular league, dealing with dwindling fan bases and an uninteresting product, be the opportune springboard to a much higher office in 2012?  I bet Newt Gingrich won’t be able to match this resume builder.  Let’s see Mitt Romney come off his high horse of health care reform to talk about the new drama in the Mystic front office.

Way to go Sarah. You have once again proved that if they set their mind to it, women can do anything.  Now if only the LPGA could lure Hillary Clinton to take a career step up, we’d start to have some gender equality.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – Move over Pro bowl, horrible NHL All-Star goal fest, and no-D NBA all-star crapfest. Step aside soccer exhibition matches, one-on-one celebrity poker tournaments, and pretty much the entire Olympics. Golf has decided it wants in on the all-star game phenomena.

This week, to coincide with the MLB’s midsummer classic, the USGA announced that it too will hold an ‘All-Star’ event, perhaps as early as 2020.

Officials stated their need for the decade long delay, to work out the kinks in the system, but most expert analysts, and Jim Nantz, believe golf will follow the baseball format.  Meaning: Players will be selected by flawed fan voting; the game will be played in the middle of a season to maximize player schedule disruption; there will be some sort of skills event (think putt putt, longest drive, and a ‘fan-interactive’ club toss); and players will be forced to wear stupid uniforms signifying the event.

Said one pro, “I think it’s great.  It will be so unlike the regular tour.  Instead of the best 120 golfers competing each weekend, this will take the best 100-120 golfers, and have them compete over a weekend.  But individually.”

True.  Unlike majors, where major titles, legacies, and reputations are made, a ‘Golf All-Star Event’, will allow the players to play for something they can’t get at regular events, majors, skins games, or charity pro-ams.  This will be an ‘All-Star’ tournament, mostly because it’ll say ‘All-Star’ on the trophy.

Said John Daly, “As long as there’s a Hooters nearby, I’m in”.  Then he continued, “Actually I’ll take a 7-11 if the beer is cold and they smell smokes.’” (can you say lock for fan-vote champion?).

Who knows, if successful, maybe tennis and boxing will follow suit.  This writer doesn’t just believe we ‘should’ have ‘All-Star’ Golf.  We need ‘All-Star’ Golf.  Hey, if the WNBA can have one, why not golf?

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

Twenty-five years ago Carl Lewis owned the ’84 Olympics.  Actually it might have been ’88, but stay with me.

Everyone in America knows these names: FloJo, Jackie Joyner Kersey, Mary Decker, Edwin Moses, and that weird guy from Russia who won like 300 straight pole vaults.  But, somehow track and field has lost its way.

Drugs, other sports, doping, TV, doping and drugs, and the fall of the importance of the Olympics each have played their part.  Now the governing body of Track and Field, the GBoTaF, has decided to take a pro-active role, by hiring a marketing firm to ‘rebrand’ their brand.

As of 2010, track and field will now be called ‘Adult Gym’.

Said one official,”We really feel this will make us more relatable to adults and kids. Every kid loves gym, and what adult wouldn’t love to back to the comic absurdity of gym class, opposed to working at his desk”.

And the argument has merit.  Many of track and fields main events are gym class staples: the triple jump, long jump, sprint, and 800.  This reporter can’t believe they haven’t dones this earlier.

And going forward, who wouldn’t like to see the pegboard, floor hockey, and dodgeball added to track events.  It would make them more interesting, and increase sponsorship potential.

Way to go, adult gym. I look forward to your next meet, where all of you have to wear the same outfit, including the reversible shirt.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – Last night, in a stunning announcement, Brett Favre admitted that much his childhood hero, Spock, he is only half-human. The other half, it was discovered, is robotic.  Said Favre, ‘I’ve hid it for a long time, and I think it’s about time I spill my guts – well at least half of them anyway.’

The story broke prior to Brett’s appearance on sportscaster Joe Buck’s new HBO show.  But the rumors have been circulating for years.

Many consider Favre’s durability and arm strength impossible.  The 39 year old still possesses a cannon on his shoulder, and now it turns out, his arm “was in fact modeled after a howitzer”, said an anonymous source that this reporter tracked down in a remote robotic lab in Louisiana, which may in fact have constructed the quarterback.  “Look at his injury record”, the source continued. “He plays the hardest position in sports, and no one comes close to matching his durability.  I can’t believe people never put 2 and 2 together before. He never gets hurt because he can’t get hurt.”

Is it so far fetched? A half-robotic athlete? This reporter has seen the movie X-Men.  If they can do it with Wolverine, who’s to say some crazed scientist wouldn’t do it with a sports figure?  In fact, it helps explain the rationale of his countless retirements. The human side of him knows it’s time to quit, but the robotic half keeps telling him that’s just his emotions talking, and his robotic lifespan will allow another 20 years.

We’ll see come September if Brett will play again in the NFL, but at least now we have a better understanding of how he was built, why he never gets injured, and why his endless comebacks are so methodical.  It’s in his DNA and programming.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – Amidst all the hoopla surrounding the new Yankee Stadium:  Is it home run friendly, is it too big, can A-Rod still choke when it matters in more spacious surroundings, etc., one thing has gone under the radar with local fans.  The team’s decision to alter the National Anthem.

In an effort to be more PC, team officials decided over the summer that starting this year, they were going to alter the song to assure no ethnicity, race, team, fan, political entity, and Islamic extremist was offended.

Said one Yankee spokesman, ‘First of all, call me spokesperson, so I don’t offend any females.  We thought that with a new President, and a new stadium, now would be the perfect time to show the world that the Yankees are expanding their brand.  It’s the right thing to do.  We expect it to catch on.”  Then he continued, “Plus in this economy, s***, we need as many people as possible to pay for the seats we totally overpriced.  S***, don’t print that last part.  If you do, I’ll just deny it.  Wait, is that a tape recorder.  F*** me.”—(inaudible commotion).

DBB research has obtained a few of the changes to the Yankee’s new version.
‘bombs bursting in air’, will be changed to ‘tireless peace talks’;
‘our flag was still there’, will be changed to ‘our flag was still there but we’re not occupiers, and we’re not here to colonize your Arab country’;
‘home of the brave’, will be changed to ‘home of the very cool’.

Is this going too far? Will the Yankees regret this decision?  Does anyone even listen to the anthem or are they getting beer and finding their seats? Short answer.  Maybe.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – News broke this morning that the MLB had come up with a solution to finally put to rest the performance-enhancing scandal: ‘An All-Juicing League’. A counter-baseball league where all players on every team ‘MUST’ juice from their choice of HGH, Roids, Greenies, or the latest illegal synthetic blends made available from Track and Field.

Said one spokesman, who refused to be identified by name, but said if you want to follow him on twitter, his sign-in was BudSelig54, “A lot of fans know most of our players cheated, and yet attendance was still through the roof.  This new ‘juicing’ league just allows us to capitalize on that.  And we don’t have to worry about any askterisked records”.

Purists may not like it, but if you think about it, the proposed plan makes a lot of sense. Just think about the level of talent that could instantly feed such a league.  Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Roger Clemens, and Sammy Sosa.  The new league might even rival the old for interest.

“I’d love to play again”, said the Rocket.  “And this time, I wouldn’t have to worry about what to misremember, or who sees what in the locker room.”

Owners say the new league could generate much-needed revenue, in a time where financial crises are looming.  Said the owner of one New York team, “Sure, we’ve added a pharmacist to our club-house staff, but lucky for us, most of our trainers already had the skill set.”

The J-MLB, Juiced Major League Baseball, will debut in 2010 and the plan to include teams in every major market (and Kansas City) currently home to a big league team.

For more comedyntary, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).