SPARTANBURG, SC – A day after wishing Elvis Presley “Happy Birthday” on the anniverary of his death, Michele Bachmann invited MJ to Washington.

Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is on a roll.  She made a gaffe yesterday and wished Elvis Presley a “Happy Birthday” on the 34th anniversary of his death, and today she tried to outdo herself.

“Some people think that I don’t know much about music.  But, I not only love the two major styles of music, country and classical, but I am also very much into the music the kids are listening to today.  In fact, I think musicians can help heal the world.  That’s why I am inviting Michael Jackson to join me in Washington DC in September, so we can all come together and… change the world!”

Bachmann’s aides tried to tell her that Michael Jackson died in 2009, but the Congresswoman was on a roll.  “I’ve loved Michael Jackson since I was a little girl.  His hit “Superstition” is one of my favorite songs of all times and when he plays the harmonica, it sends shivers down my leg.  I’m just said that he’s blind.”

Bachmann then went on to talk about gay marriage:  “Gay marriage is fine with me as long as you are not a homosexual.  Homosexuals are sinners.  Boys should not be having sex with boys and girls should not be having sex with girls.  God said that.  Not me.”

The Spartanburg crowd seemed stunned by Bachmann’s speech.

“If your gay and you want to get married – go ahead.  But to me ‘gay’ means ‘happy’ – so being happy is a good reason to get married.”

Bachmann is becoming famous for redefining words.  On Fox News Sunday, she told Chris Wallace that she and her husband think the word “submissive” means “respectful”.  She also thought that the word “bigot” means “patriotic” and she defined the word “sex” to mean “get it over as quickly as possible.”

Bachmann is currently in third place in the latest poll for the Republican nomination.  She is excited to meet Michael Jackson in September and has chosen as her campaign theme song, “Man In The Mirror.”

“That’s what I am.  A man in a mirror,”  Bachmann told the crowd.

SOUTH CAROLINA – A 900 pound gator was caught this week by a Massachusetts woman fishing in South Carolina.

Agnes Martin caught and then killed a 13-foot long gator in Lake Moultrie this week.  Zoologists say that this is one of the most spectacular finds of the decade

WLTC in Charlotte reported that the Massachusetts resident successfully got a permit through South Carolina’s permit lottery system for the one month-long alligator season. “He was right there at the edge of the bank swimming on the edges,” Martin said. She hooked him with her fishing pole and battled for two hours to get him near the boat. In South Carolina, you have to secure the gator and get it to the boat before you’re allowed to shoot it.

It took two hours to bring in the gator that she first hooked with a fishing line. Martin says she will take the meat back home with her. She originally wanted to have the gator stuffed and mounted on the wall of in bedroom, but her husband, George, a shoe salesman in Newton, convinced her to make shoes out of the gator.  “George loves animals, especially when they are dead and on his feet.”

Martin said that her husband plans to make about forty pairs of leather shoes from the alligator.  George will be selling them for about $1,000 dollars a pair.  “I think it’s a great bargain, considering that this was a rare find.”  Martin and her husband will be back in South Carolina next week hunting for more gators.

Meanwhile, PETA is planning a shoe caper for later in the week.

See the video report of the original catch here.

CONWAY, SC – A man caught “being intimate” with a horse has been sentenced to three years in prison!

Rodell Vereen was caught by a surveillance camera sneaking into the Lazy B stables and taking advantage of one of the horses.

Barbara Kenley, owner of the stables, had set up the camera after having had previous problems with Vereen. He was caught last year with the same exact horse! At the time he pleaded guilty and was only given probation.

However, Kenley had her suspicions he was back, and set up the camera in July. “Police kept telling me it couldn’t be the same guy,” Kenley said. “I couldn’t believe that there were two guys going around doing this to the same horse.”

After finally catching him on tape, she staked out her own stables until Vereen showed up again. She held him at shotgun point until cops arrived to arrest him.

Kenley said she thought about shooting him but decided not to. “Everyone around here has horses,” Kenley said. “And they all said the same thing. You should have shot him.”

Vereen has pleaded guilty to buggery, and received a sentence of three years in prison, mandatory counseling and a ban from going near the stables.

BISHOPVILLE, SC – A newly ordained minister believes the image of Jesus’s face is in her curtains!

Barbara Brame was sitting in her house in June when she got a feeling that she should go look in her kitchen.

“Something told me to look in the kitchen and I sat and I looked in the kitchen. I looked at the window, and that’s when I see this image focused on my curtain,” said Brame.

It was there that Brame saw the face of Jesus!

Take a look below at her curtains and judge for yourself:

SALUDA, SC – A man had his burial wishes fulfilled, after being buried in his beloved 1973 Catalina with all of his guns!

Lonnie Holloway passed away last Thursday, after a fruitful 90 years of life. His family acquiesced to his burial wishes, and he was buried in his car at the Rock Hill Baptist Church. “This is what Mr. Holloway wanted,” said the pastor.

His cousin, Leila Dunn,said she wasn’t surprised by his strange requests, as he was a “stylin’ and profilin’ kind of guy.”

“This was a day everyone should remember,” said Dunn. “It went down in history.”

More surprisingly, all of his guns were placed in the trunk of the car. Family members said he didn’t want them to get into the wrong hands, so he decided they’d go with him as well!

Rodney Minick, a wrecker owner, was contacted a year earlier, to find out if he would be open to helping with the funeral when the time came. The machine was used to lower the car into the massive grave.

COLUMBIA, SC – Governor Mark Sanford returned to work after disappearing over the weekend.  Photographic evidence proves he was spending time with his Bigfoot lover.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford sent the country into a panic this week by disappearing completely for several days.  Aides to the Governor said he went hiking on the Appalachian Trail to clear his head after a tough legislative session.  However, evidence confirms that the South Carolina Governor was engaging in an affair with his Sasquatch mistress.

This breaking news explains why it took Sanford’s aides 9 hours to respond to reporter questions about his whereabouts, and why he was clearing his head now over a legislative battle that happened three weeks prior.

Governor Sanford was seen frolicking in the woods with what his clearly his Sasquatch lover.  Eye witnesses saw the two running hand in hand through a field of wildflowers this Father’s Day weekend.  Later they were spotted having a picnic on a hilltop including various cheeses and a bottle of wine.  Whether the Sasquatch is of legal age has yet to be determined.

Witnesses later saw the two watching the sun set, before retiring to a rented cabin.  Records show the cabin was rented to a Mr. Bark Blandford.  Owners of the establishment confirm that they received numerous complaints about noise coming from the cabin all through the night, and that it was left in such a state that the deposit was not returned.  Cleaning crews sent in the next day agreed it was like nothing they had ever seen before.

Investigators wonder if the Governor also chose this weekend to see his mistress as it was Nude Hiking Day.  The Appalachian Trail was filled with nude hikers this weekend, making it easier for someone to overlook a Governor frolicking with his Bigfoot lover.  This plan may have backfired as the Sanford was initially spotted by the North Carolina Naked Birdwatchers Association.

Sanford returns to work today, trying to minimize media fallout from his mysterious disappearance.  Who his Sasquatch lover is, and what effect she will have on his political futures, remains to be seen.

SALEM, SC – Video has been released of divers exploring the remains of a hotel deep beneath the man-made Lake Jocassee.

The lake was created in 1973 by Duke Power electric company for a hydroelectric dam. While the company took over almost all the property in Jocassee valley before it was flooded, Debbie Fletcher’s family refused to give up their Attakulla Lodge hotel. It, along with a graveyard, still stands today, 300 feet below the surface of the lake.

CNN followed Ms. Fletcher on her dive to visit her childhood home.