HARARE, ZIMBABWE –   Martians attacked a prosperous South African village with rocks, plundered their gold and burned it to the ground!

“They came out of the sky like locusts, in five enormous spaceships,” recalled horrified George Gwangwa, one of only 60 people who escaped the devastated town of Zatlala without injury.

“The last rock rainstorm was biggest.  Then they landed their ships and stole our gold.  They even burned some of our buildings..”

It started six months ago when large Martian rocks (like below) were fired at this village in Zimbabwe.

NASA and Russian scientists took samples of the rocks.  They originally thought they were meteorites, but after they were examined they discovered that they were some kind of assault weapon made from Martian rock.

NASA, which is strapped for cash now that President Obama has essentially shut it down, has started selling the rocks to raise money.  NASA scientists are appalled and shocked that the government would sell the rocks, but they are already fetching big bucks because they are among the rarest things on Earth – rarer even than gold.  The average weight of the rock is 3 pounds, and the largest weighs 10 pounds.

“It’s Christmas in January,” said former NASA sciences chief Marco Stocco, director of the Florida Space Institute at the University of Central Florida. “It’s nice to have Mars sending samples to Earth, particularly when our pockets are too empty to go get them ourselves.”

WWN contacted. Dr. Sue Begley of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials to discuss the rocks and see if they have anything to do with the ongoing alien invasion from Planet Gootan and Planet Zeeban.

“This seems to be an isolated six to nine month event.  We have no data that suggest the Martians are coming to our planet.  This seems to be a test firing of some sort – and the rocks just happened to hit that village in Africa.  We at the U.N. are confident that we won’t hear from the Martians again this year.”

The Russians are not happy with NASA selling the rocks.  ”Typical Americans.  All they care about is money,” said  Russian cosmonaut, Yuri  Bengenov.

Before the incident, the idyllic village – too small to appear on most maps – was a peaceful town with only 2,110 year-round residents. Sitting on the bank of a tranquil river, it was home to several wealthy families, a boutique hotel and a bustling marketplace renowned for eye-catching gold items.

The major “attack” from the Martians occurred on January 2 at about 11:30am – that’s when all hell broke loose.  The Villagers first saw spaceships and then… a major flurry of rocks came down.

“First the saucers appeared, and everyone ran to watch them hover,” said Ugonna Gwangwa, Mayor of Zatlala. “Then the spaceships settled gently down and about two dozen tall, hairless creatures with black, inhuman eyes poured out.

“I watched from the bushes as the menacing invaders marched through the marketplace scooping up everything gold they could find – from statues to jewelry. Then they went up ramps to their ships. Three hours later there were even more rocks falling everywhere!”

As the Martian ships rose higher and higher, they continued to fire rocks at the town, said Gwangwa. “The town began to take on a reddish glow – and then several buildings burst into flames.”

The Martian ships then landed again and stole a big cache of gold from the town.  Then they left.  The town has been quiet for the last few days.  And women from the town have been celebrating:

The government of Zimbabwe is keeping a tight lid on the crisis, officially denying any Martian attacks have taken place, though they have confirmed the Martian rocks.  The international community is also covering up this event.

Dr. Begley said that this was not typical behavior of Martians. “I believe that this was a group of renegade Martians who were not acting on behalf of the planet.”

WWN is sending Garrett Hawley to Zimbabwe to look into the story further and will keep readers up-to-date.

MAPUTO, MOZAMBIQUE —  Flesh-eating bananas have claimed the lives of over seven hundred citizens!

Sales of bananas in Maputo have plummeted following an outbreak of flesh-eating bananas that have claimed the lives of hundreds of citizens infested with a lethal banana bacteria.

The bananas sold in Maputo are grown in Mozambique. Mozambique exports bananas to South Africa. But this has made no difference to panic-stricken consumers who are avoiding the fruit altogether.  Oddly though, if you put the bananas in pancakes, the bacteria is no longer lethal.  So, authorities are encouraging all citizens to eat banana pancakes.

The Ministry of Health has assured consumers that the messages are a hoax and that nobody has appeared at any Mozambican health unit suffering from illness caused by infected bananas.

The Ministries of Health, Agriculture and Trade issued a joint statement on Wednesday stating “there is infected bananas are being dealt with, and removed.   We will soon have a country filled with only good, non-lethal bananas”  The Minster of Bananas guaranteed to ensure that bananas would be “peeled and eaten” again soon.

The authorities in the South African province of Kwazulu-Natal, where the lethal bananas come from, have also stressed that there is no reason for alarm. South African banana producers have publicly expressed their indignation that they have bad bananas and promise to send good bananas soon.

Apparently, the bacterium in the bad bananas causes necrotizing fascitis, an extremely rare infection of the deeper layers of skin and subcutaneous tissues, often referred to as a “flesh-eating disease”.

Local authorities are advising citizens not to purchase bananas that have ooze coming out of them for the next three weeks! If you have eaten a banana with ooze in the last two to three days and come down with a fever followed by a skin infection, please seek medical attention.”

SOUTH AFRICA – At a worldwide Alien Summit taking place in Johannesburg, experts are speculating that the Gootans are here to plunder earth of its gold.

Several prominent extraterrestrial experts and strategic alien defense experts say that the alien attack under way by the Gootan Army has a specific mission:  to plunder earth of its gold.  ”This has happened repeatedly over the last one thousand years,” said UFO expert Professor Robert Rinderman of Oxford University.  ”The Gootans come to earth, steal our gold and leave.”

The Alien Summit, also named to the UFDO Science and Consciousness Conference is being held in Johannesburg this week.  All the participants have been monitoring the three alien spaceships that landed on earth yesterday – in China and the Bali Sea.

“There’s a battle for Earth with the Gootans,” conference organizer Michael Jean-Pierre said. “All the governments in the world are puppets and instruments to implement the will of a small group of individuals.  The Gootans want to re-balance the power on earth.”

Jean-Pierre insists that the Gootans visited out planet in search of gold about 300,000 years ago, cloned their genetic make-up and gave rise to mankind. Ever since, they’ve been in contact with world leaders.

“They came to Earth looking for gold. We are all still obsessed with gold,”  Jean-Pierre said.

And thanks to its diamonds and gold deposits, South Africa is “at the heart of this,” Jean-Pierre added.

“South Africa has been dubbed as the cradle of humankind and the place where all life form began, thus the reason South Africa was selected as the host for the UFO Science and Consciousness Conference,” he said. “We have scientific evidence that there was physical life before humans which were African knowledge keepers and custodians of secret knowledge.”

Jean-Pierre’s statements about gold-hunting Gootans were widely reported by the South African press, while comparisons between the gold-digging alien theory and the plot of the film “Cowboys & Aliens” were noted by the sci-fi blog io9.

Laura Eisenhower, who describes herself as the great-granddaughter of president Dwight Eisenhower, claims world leaders have experienced close contact with aliens, specifically Gootans, signing treaties with them every decade.

“Extraterrestrials from Planet Gootan have been working with governments for a while,” she told WWN.

Will the Gootans successfully get our gold this time?

“The world is more aware this time.  We can stop them if we want,” said Jean-Pierre.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa – A monster plaguing the town of Steytlerville struck again over the Easter!

There were  two sightings of a terrifying shape-shifting monster reported over Easter in the province of Karoo in South Africa.

“Two men were walking near a tavern when they saw another man wearing a black jacket. One of the men, identified only as Nozipho, went up to the stranger and asked him, “What is your problem?” said Nelani.

When the stranger did not respond, Nozipho went closer and saw that the man had no head. The man then turned into a dog that was “very angry” and “as big as a cow”, Nelani said.

He said that as Nozipho and his friend ran away, the monster allegedly turned on another group of people in the same road. “They said it turned into a big monkey, and then it was gone,” Nelani said.

He said that since the monster was spotted near the tavern, people were afraid to go there at night.

 Residents told police that the monster changed shape when someone looked at it. One man had reported that it changed from a man wearing a suit into a pig and then into a bat.

Many eyewitnesses said that the monster could also fly.  Previously, the monster had only been spotted near the church. It had even been seen peering through the windows during a service, but had vanished by the time the congregation came outside.

Nelani said that the community had dubbed the monster “Bawokozi”, meaning ‘brother-in-law’.

Citizens are up in arms and having meetings with the Eastern Cape police  -  they are panicked for their safety.

Bawokozi has also been said to have changed from a man in a suit to a pig and to a bat! Until today, no citizen had been harmed, however the bodies of three local farmers were discovered earl this morning.  They had been torn to pieces by the monster.

Sightings of the monster began over a month ago when it was seen by mourners attending two separate funerals, Nelani said.

A photograph has since been taken of the monster resting under a tree.  WWN is working to get that photograph soon.

Here’s a local drawing, depicting the monster at rest:

SOUTH AFRICA -  A man committed suicide by wandering into crocodile waters’.

A farm worker may have deliberately waded into a crocodile-infested river after a domestic row according to police in South Africa.

David Lubisi, 40, was eaten alive after he entered the Lepelle river following an argument with his girlfriend, detectives believe.

The father-of-three has not been seen for more than a week after allegedly telling a colleague about his plan on April 7.

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – Larissa Riquelme, who has been told for years that she looks like Bat Boy, is now dating the love of her life.

Larissa Riquelme, the lingerie model whose passionate support of Paraguay during the World Cup turned heads around the world, has reportedly been seen around Rio with Bat Boy.

The love affair was revealed after the Brazilian network Rede Globo, reported that the curvaceous model was assaulted in the Ipanema neighborhood of Rio de Janeiro. The assailants reportedly took a phone, passport and two digital cameras. After the incident, the beautiful soccer fan took to Twitter to reassure any rattled fans. “I’m fine, thank you all for your support!” She then wrote,  “Bat Boy is taking good care of me.”

After tweeting about Bat Boy, reporters around the world started working to put together the pieces of their love affair. Bat Boy was spotted several times in South Africa during the World Cup and Spain credited Bat Boy for leading them to the World Cup Title, but Larissa and Bat Boy were never seen together. Until now… WWN uncovered a photo (above) of Larissa and Bat Boy watching Paraguay when they defeated Japan to reach the quarterfinals of the cup.

During the World Cup, Riquelme pledged to run naked through the streets of Asuncion if Paraguay won the tournament. They did not, and Riquelme’s nude hopes ended in heartbreak. Ultimately, the gorgeous soccer fan decided to run naked after all as a present to the team’s players. While she has not yet made good on the promise, Riquelme recently frolicked in Brazil with Bat Boy. In an exclusive interview with WWN, Bat Boy says he will run naked with Larissa – in Paraguay, Brazil and in Los Angeles.

There are rumors that Larissa wants to marry Bat Boy, but Bat Boy has been a known “ladies-man” for years, so it’s going to be tough for her to get him to commit.  But she’s confident she can do it and finally tame the half-bat, half-boy. “Bat Boy and I were meant for each other. I want to spend the rest of my days rubbing his bald head, kissing his face and… giving him all my love.”

Jealous men from every corner of the world are determined to take Larissa away.  But Bat Boy just laughs at the thought of someone trying to steal her away. His deep belly laughs can be heard on three continents.

Bat Boy took this picture of Larissa when they were frolicking in Rio:

WWN recently learned that Bat Boy was working the camera at the World Cup.   Check out his work:

SOUTH AFRICA – Tragedy struck the World Cup host nation on the eve of the start of the tournament!

Nelson Mandela will miss today’s World Cup opener between Mexico and South Africa due to the death of his great-granddaughter. The former South Africa president and iconic world figure has been gripped with heartbreak and supporters close to him felt it was in his best interest to miss the opening festivities. He canceled a much-anticipated appearance at a tournament that has been depicted as a triumphant showcase for his country and his continent.

Zenani Mandela, 13, was killed in an auto accident early on Friday. Zenani was returning home from the event’s Thursday night kickoff concert in Soweto, an extravaganza that included stars like Alicia Keys and Shakira.

According to police, Zenani died in a one-car accident on a Johannesburg highway. The man behind the wheel, who has yet to be named, was accused of drunk driving and may also be charged with culpable homicide, the police said.

The Nelson Mandela Foundation issued a statement saying the former president would now be unable to attend the opening ceremonies of the tournament. The presence of Mandela, 91, was expected to be an emotional highpoint to one of South Africa’s proudest days.

“We are sure that South Africans and people all over the world will stand in solidarity with Mr. Mandela and his family in the aftermath of this tragedy,” the statement read.

“We continue to believe the World Cup is a momentous and historic occasion for South Africa and the continent and we are certain it will be a hige success. Madiba will be there with you in spirit,” the statement said, using a title from the Xhosa language by which Mr. Mandela is widely known.

South Africa will take on Mexico today and the hopes of a whole nation will be on Bafana Bafana, the national soccer team. No host country has lost its opening match, so there is undoubtedly a great deal of pressure on the team. In addition, no host country has failed to qualify for the next round of the tournament and South Africa is certainly not in what anyone would call an easy group. This tragedy, hopefully, will inspire the team rally behind an emotional leader.

SOUTH AFRICA – The upcoming World Cup could be a very lucrative experience for one team!

African soccer teams this summer will be playing for pride and the fact that it’s continent is hosting its first ever World Cup tournament, if nothing else. South Africa has some added pressure on its shoulder as the host country and the looming possibility that they could be the first host country to not make it out of the group stage. The country’s soccer association has designed a move to hopefully inspire the team.

The South African national team isn’t exactly a goal scoring machine, having netter only 32 goals in their last 34 matches. In hopes of making a goal even more meaningful, the South African Football Association is looking to give its team $136,000 for each goal it scores at next months tournament.

“We want our team to play with pride and passion, we want to inspire them,” Chief executive Leslie Sedibe said.

Sedibe also shared his feelings that the last thing SAFA wanted was for the country to not qualify for the knockout stages and for its players “to go home with nothing.”

Ironically, his comments come shortly after he was quoted by the SAPA news agency as saying the World Cup had “blown” the country’s soccer budget.

With big expectations come big rewards. You can bet that the South African national team will be playing with at least a little bit more energy. Their bank accounts could be looking a lot nicer after the tournament is done.

JOHANNESBURG – A band of ruthless aliens descended on a small, prosperous South African village, plundered their gold and burned it to the ground!

That is the astounding claim of eyewitnesses who survived the nightmare attack.

“They came out of the sky like locusts, in three enormous spaceships,” recalled horrified George Gwangwa, one of only 60 people who escaped the devastated town of Matlala alive.

“They strode through the village square firing powerful weapons left and right. Those of us who could ran and took cover in the jungle – the others were incinerated where they stood.”

Before the incident, the idyllic village – too small to appear on most maps – was a peaceful vacation site with only 110 year-round residents. Sitting on the bank of a tranquil river, it was home to several wealthy families, a resort hotel and a bustling marketplace renowned for eye-catching gold items.

But on January 2 at about 11:30am, all hell broke loose.

“When the saucers appeared, everyone ran to watch them hover,” said Gwangwa. “Then the spaceships settled gently down and about two dozen tall, hairless creatures with black, inhuman eyes poured out.

“I watched from the bushes as the menacing invaders marched through the marketplace scooping up everything gold they could find – from statues to jewelry. Then they went up ramps to their ships.

As one of the saucers rose, it fired off a deadly parting shot, said Gwangwa. “The town began to take on a reddish glow – and then it burst into flames.”

The government of South Africa is keeping a tight lid on the crisis, officially denying any saucer attacks have taken place.

But UFO researchers consider the incident an ominous sign. “We can only hope that hese were renegade aliens – not acting as part of a larger plan,” noted one expert.

JOHANNESBURG – A university in South Africa hosted an exhibit on how to eat insects!

Witwatersrand University in South Africa held a large event, which educated viewers on how to properly cook insects. Bugs are eaten in many cultures as a source of protein, however the University also wanted to demonstrate the art of cooking insects for fun. Attendees were then invited to have a taste!