WASHINGTON – Obama is shaking up his White House staff and wants an “Alice In Wonderland” theme for his re-election year.

President Obama is planning a real “Tea Party”  in the White House. with characters from the Lewis Carroll novel, Alice In Wonderland.  “The President feels his White House will run just as effectively with The Mad Hatter as it does with Bob Daley and the rest of his current staff,” said a source close to the White House.

“White House officials were nervous to reveal the ‘new direction’ of the White House, especially with the state of the economy.  “The President was worried how average Americans might perceive his radical move, but he thinks that everyone needs to lighten up a bit and if he has a ‘fun” White House, then perhaps everyone will have more fun all across America,” said a White House.

Michelle Obama is getting into the new Alice theme at the White House, though she is having trouble with the Queen of Hearts.

Many staffers seemed very enamored with The White Rabbit for some reason.

Johnny Depp – as The Mad Hatter – will be President Obama’s new Chief of Staff.

And Nancy Pelosi will be part of the White House Tea Party.

 Harry Reid will be floating above the White House every day.

BLACK ROCK CITY – The Obamas are going to Burning Man to celebrate the President’s 50th Birthday and extend their vacation.

Michelle and Barack Obama will leave the kids and fly to Black Rock City, Nevada on August 29th to attend the Burning Man Festival – for the second year in a row.  And why not?  It’s the best way for the President to celebrate his 50th birthday – which is August 3rd.

Burning Man is an annual art event and temporary community based on radical self-expression and self-reliance. It is  held on an ancient lakebed in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada.  There is a gigantic expansion of temporary structures, with more than 40,000 “burners-in-residence.”  The biggest draw is the hundreds of strange activities going at any given moment.  “It’s just like the White House,”  said President Obama.

The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance, but the fact is there’s a lot of… sex and drugs.  Michelle and Barack both intend on taking ecstasy and doing Special K.  “People are saying that we’re not connected to the people.  Well, this will prove everybody wrong.  Now, can somebody please get me a bong!”

Art is an important part of the Burning Man experience, and Larry Harvey, founder of the Burning Man project, gives the festival a theme each year, as a way to encourage a common bond and to help make sure each individual’s contribution is put together in a meaningful way.

The theme this year is:  Rites of Passge.

“It’s perfect for Barack’s 50th,” said Michelle Obama.

The President has been working on his art for the festival:  a balloon-animal sculpture and a seashell collage that he intends to display while belly dancing.

“You can’t sit on the sidelines here,” said one Burner. “You gotta dive in, participate.”   President Obama and Michelle Obama plan to take off their clothes and Irish step-dance while young members of the White House staff bang on waffle irons nearby.  “We are going to make the best music Burners will ever see.   It will blow their heads.”  Obama said.

President Obama spoke about the meaning of Burning Man, “I think I see a unicorn.  It’s purple. It’s big.  Oh, and look at the those flying doorknobs.  Fly, doorknobs, fly!”

Michelle Obama was busy trying to plant broccoli in the desert.  Several burners tried to tell the First Lady that you can’t plant broccoli in scorching hot sand, but Michelle scolded them, “You can if you have elves helping you.  And I have a lot of elves and gnomes right here with me! Plus I’m using a magic hoe. So go!”

Secret Service agents will be run naked through the desert chasing alpacas during the week-long festival.   Or maybe it will be the other way around.

Harry Reid will also attend Burning Man (again), trying to impress his fellow Nevada citizens – especially those on LSD, because as Reid said, “they are the ones that best understand my speeches.  But President Obama isn’t happy with Reid going to  Burning Man, “He’s drag, man.  Dude doesn’t know how to get down in the desert, doesn’t know how to loosen up.  I gave him some magic mushrooms.  Maybe that’ll help.”  Reid was seen last year at Burning Man – he was standing on top of an port-o-john licking a frog and screaming, “I’m king of the world!”

Here’s the kind of event the Obamas plan to attend this year :

WASHINGTON -  Secret CIA memos reveal that President John F. Kennedy was killed because he wanted to release the UFO files.

An uncovered letter written by John F Kennedy to the head of the CIA shows that the president demanded to be shown highly confidential documents about UFOs 10 days before his assassination.

The secret memo is one of two letters written by JFK asking for information about the paranormal on November 12 1963, which have been released by the CIA for the first time.

A second memo was released that details the findings of a report – confirming that JFK was killed by government officials covering-up the existence of UFOs and aliens.  It also details the UFO sightings over Dealey Plaza on November 22, 1963.

Author William Lester said the CIA released the documents t under the Freedom of Information Act after he made a request while researching his new book ‘A Celebration of Freedom: JFK and the New Frontier.’

The president’s interest in UFOs shortly before his death confirms theories about his assassination  – that the CIA was worried about him making public the UFO files.

Alien researchers say the latest documents, released to Mr Lester by the CIA, prove that the president was shot to stop him revealing the truth about UFOs.  In one of the secret documents released under the Freedom of Information Act, JFK writes to the director asking for the UFO files.

In the second memo, sent to the NASA administrator, the president expresses a desire for cooperation with the former Soviet Union on mutual outer space activities and investigation to aliens on earth.

The previously classified documents were released under the Freedom of Information Act to teacher William Lester as part of research for a new book about JFK.

He said that JFK’s interest in UFOs could have been fueled by concerns about relations with the former Soviet Union.

Days before he was killed, JFK wrote to the CIA demanding access to their files about UFOs.

Unclassified: A second memo written by JFK on November 12 1963, 10 days before his assassination, which has been released by the CIA

One of his concerns was that a lot of these UFOs were being seen over the Soviet Union and he was very concerned that the Soviets might misinterpret these UFOs as U.S. aggression, believing that it was some of our technology,” Mr Lester said.

“I think this is one of the reasons why he wanted to get his hands on this information and get it away from the jurisdiction of NASA so he could say to the Soviets, “Look, that’s not us, we’re not doing it, we’re not being provocative.”

But conspiracy theorists said the documents add interest to a disputed file, nicknamed the ‘burned memo”, which a UFO investigator claims he received in the 1990s.

The document, which has scorch marks, is claimed to have been posted to UFO hunter Timothy Cooper in 1999 by an unknown CIA leak, but has never been verified.

Disputed: In the ‘burned memo’ the CIA director allegedly wrote: ‘Lancer [JFK] has made some inquiries regarding our activities, which we cannot allow’

In a note sent with the document, the apparent leaker said he worked for CIA between 1960 and 1974 and pulled the memo from a fire when the agency was burning some of its most sensitive files.

The undated memo contains a reference to ‘Lancer’, which was JFK’s Secret Service code name.
On the first page, the director of Central Intelligence wrote: ‘As you must know, Lancer has made some inquiries regarding our activities, which we cannot allow.

‘Please submit your views no later than October. Your action to this matter is critical to the continuance of the group.’

The current owner of the ‘burned memo’, who bought it from Timothy Cooper in 2001 told AOL News that it shows that when JFK asked questions about UFOs that the CIA ‘bumped him off’.
UFO investigator Robert Wood said he has tested the paper it was printed on, the ink age, watermarks, font types and other markings.

He said: ‘I hired a forensics company to check the age of the ink and check several other things that you can date, using the same techniques you’d use in a court of law.’

BLACK ROCK CITY – The Obamas flew away from Martha’s Vineyard today to attend Burning Man.

Michelle and Barack Obama left the kids on Martha’s Vineyard and flew to Black Rock City, Nevada to attend the Burning Man Festival.  And why not?  You can’t swim at Martha’s Vineyard, but you can think you’re swimming at Burning Man.

Burning Man is an annual art event and temporary community based on radical self-expression and self-reliance. It is  held on an ancient lakebed in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada.  There is a gigantic expansion of temporary structures, with more than 40,000 “burners-in-residence.”  The biggest draw is the hundreds of strange activities going at any given moment.  “It’s just like the White House,”  said President Obama.

The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance, but the fact is there’s a lot of… sex and drugs.  Michelle and Barack both intend on dropping acid and doing Special K.  “People are saying that we’re not connected to the people.  Well, this will prove everybody wrong.  Now, can somebody please get me a bong!”

Art is an important part of the Burning Man experience, and Larry Harvey, founder of the Burning Man project, gives the festival a theme each year, as a way to encourage a common bond and to help make sure each individual’s contribution is put together in a meaningful way.

The theme this year is:  Metropolis, the Life of the Cities.

The President has been working on his art for the festival:  a balloon-animal sculpture and a seashell collage that he intends to display while belly dancing.

“You can’t sit on the sidelines here,” said one Burner. “You gotta dive in, participate.”  That’s when President Obama and Michelle Obama took off their clothes and Irish step-danced to a group of twenty-somethings banging on waffle irons.  “Best music I ever saw.  Best music I ever saw.”  Obama said.

President Obama spoke about the meaning of Burning Man, “I think I see a unicorn.  It’s purple. It’s big.  Oh, and look at the those flying doorknobs.  Fly, doorknobs, fly!”

Michelle Obama was busy trying to plant broccoli in the desert.  Several burners tried to tell the First Lady that you can’t plant broccoli in scorching hot sand, but Michelle scolded them, “You can if you have elves helping you.  And I have a lot of elves and gnomes right here with me! Plus I’m using a magic hoe. So go!”

Secret Service agents were seen running naked through the desert chasing alpacas.  Or maybe it was the other way around.

Harry Reid also attended Burning Man, trying to win over every single voter in Nevada – especially those on LSD, because as Reid said, “they are the ones that best understand my stump speech.  But President Obama isn’t happy with Reid’s participation at Burning Man, “He’s drag, man.  Dude doesn’t know how to get down in the desert, doesn’t know how to loosen up.  I gave him some magic mushrooms.  Maybe that’ll help.”  Reid was last seen on top of an port-o-john licking a frog and screaming, “I’m king of the world!”

Harry Reid & Obama at Burning Man

Here’s the event Obama attended last night:

WASHINGTON, DC – Continuing the tradition, outgoing President Bush left a personal note to the new President Obama in the Oval Office.

Weekly World News investigators have uncovered a copy. Below are sections of the letter from President Bush, welcoming and advising the new President:

“If you’re brokering peace with Israel and Pakistan Portugal whoever, ask Miles in the kitchen to make those yummy crab thingies.  People always love them and it gets everybody talking!”

“In case of an emergency, there’s a bag of chips taped under the desk in the Oval Office.”

“Amanda who’s in charge of laundry gets really cranky sometimes, compliment her hair and she’ll ease right up.”

“Ask Manny in the grounds crew about the luau.  He’ll know what you mean, heh heh.”

“If the Vice President ever tells you ‘Not now, in your second term’, don’t believe him.  He’ll forget and never get around to it.”

“Never let them make you eat caviar at a state function.  It tastes gross and you’re the President, you shouldn’t have to.”

“Yell ‘GUN!’ some time and watch the Secret Service guys react.  They hate when you do that, but it’s worth it!”

A full page was dedicated to explaining how to work the television in the living area.    Three false starts were crossed out before the former President got it right, culminating with the advice “But you’ve got kids so when in doubt, just ask them.  I’m leaving you a remote cozy to keep the clicker in.  Otherwise, they can get lost pretty easily.”

Bush continued, “You know the office of the President can be a very difficult job.  This book really helped me get through the rough times in office.”  Sitting next to the note was a copy of The Secret.

Mr. Bush also left a note for the Obama girls, Sasha and Maliya.  Inside it outlined people they would be running into, including who is nice and who makes the best snacks.  He concluded the note with “Don’t ask the Secret Service men for piggy back rides, they won’t do it.  I learned the hard way.  The Vice President, however, is required by the Constitution to give piggy back rides to anyone in the First family, whenever they want!”

While departing away in Marine One helicopter, Former President Bush convinced the pilot to do a fly-by to the Capitol one last time.

PHOENIX, AZ – At age 13, the mysterious Bat Boy’s hormones are apparently kicking in — he’s developed a crush on Senator John McCain’s daughter Meghan!

Ms. McCain’s security team say the half-human, half-bat mutant has made repeated attempts to see the young beauty — and whined “like a sad dog” when he was shooed away!

These Secret Service agents believe Bat Boy — who has bitten and attacked people in the past – to be a potential threat and don’t want the bizarre, pointy-eared youth anywhere near Meghan.

“We are taking this matter very, very seriously,” said a Secret Service source who insisted upon anonymity. “This may sound like an innocent case of ‘puppy love,’ but we are concerned that we may have a stalker on our hands.”

Dr. Ron Dillon, the scientist who originally discovered Bat Boy, strongly believes that the agents are blowing this out of proportion. “Bat Boy is absolutely not a stalker, he wouldn’t harm a hair on Meghan McCain’s head.

“He is clearly in love for the first time in his life and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Don’t you remember how that felt? Now imagine that AND being a half-bat mutant. Puberty is Bat Boy’s biggest challenge yet.”

The bat-like creature has continued to elude the authorities. Law enforcement officials were stunned when he snuck in to a recent book signing for “My Dad, John McCain” and tried to talk to Meghan.

“Apparently, he saw her chatting with Jay Leno on TV and became fixated on her,” said the Secret Service source. “We believe he has tracked her cross-country on her campaign trail, using his superior hearing and sense of smell.”

Agents say the pint-size creature has tried to see Meghan at least three times, most recently when he showed up beneath her hotel window with guitar in hand and screeched what may have been Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”.

Given his shaky grasp on English, it did not go over well.