PERUGIA, Italy — A jury overturned the murder conviction of Amanda Knox… and now she’s heading to Knoxville with a recording contract.

Amanda Knox was acquitted of the murder conviction in the 2007 slaying of her roommate Meredith Kercher, and she was ordered immediately released from prison.

Knox collapsed in tears after the verdict was read .

Her former boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito was also found not guilty.

Knox and Sollecito’s slander convictions were upheld, but since those were three-year sentences they were considered time served.

Earlier Monday, a tearful Knox told the jury that she did not kill her British roommate, pleading for the court to free her so she can return to the United States after four years behind bars.

Knox frequently paused for breath and fought back tears as she spoke in Italian to the eight members of the jury in a packed courtroom, but managed to maintain her composure during the 10-minute address.

“I’m not a promiscuous vamp. I’m not violent … I have not killed, I have not raped, I was not there, I was not present,” the 24-year-old American told a packed courtroom in Perugia.

“I want to go home, I want to go back to my life, I do not want to be punished and to have my life taken away from me for something I have not done, because I am innocent.”

The eight-member jury weighed whether the 2009 convictions and prison sentences — 26 years for Knox, 25 years for Sollecito — should stand, be dismissed or altered.

Knox had been playing the guitar and singing in the holding cell while waiting for the verdict.  Several music industry executives had heard tapes of her singing and immediately offered her a record contract.

Knox is flying to Knoxville this evening to begin recording her first record, which will be a combination of Italian love songs and country standards.

“She’s going to be a big music star,” said Gregg Tobin, a Nashville record producer.

Knox has already agreed to star in her own reality series, Hard Knox and is working on a book deal.

Things happen fast in the free world.

SEATTLE, WA – A dead cow washes ashore with the Mark of the Alien

Late last week a 400-pound cow washed ashore in West Seattle. The animal beached itself near the 5900 block of Beach Drive on Wednesday, Feb. 2. The cow was discovered by two children who were skipping down the beach, hand in hand, singing “Old McDonald Had a Farm”. The two youngsters literally tripped over the beached bovine, both taking face plants in the sand. Upon noticing the dead cow, they immediately screamed and ran home to get their mommy.

Cindy Townson, mother of the two children, unable to believe the story, went to the location where the children found the animal and was instantly concerned by what she saw. Townson, who sits on the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials, took immediate note of The Mark of the Alien that she saw on the hind quarters of the cow.  Townson decided to call WWN today to insure that the public would know of the discovery.

“We have seen this mark before and just recently too, with the mass killings of the fish and birds last month,” explained Townson over the phone, “What concerns me most by this is that the aliens have moved up in the animal kingdom.”

Townson went on to explain that the aliens are clearly getting closer to beginning their all out assault on mankind since they have now figured out how to kill more complex organisms.

“I see this cow as a sign from the aliens, similar to that of when studio head Jack Woltz wakes up to find the severed head of a horse next to him in bed, like in the Godfather. This is most certainly a message being sent to us that the invasion is imminent and forthcoming,” stated Townson, “All inhabitants of earth need to be aware of this. We must stay vigilant if we want to survive this invasion.”

Later that same day the Seattle Police Department Harbor Patrol came by and towed the animal away with a Police boat to the Don Armeni boat ramp where it was picked up by Animal Control.

Authorities are trying to cover up the alien invasion by reporting that the owner of the cow must have dumped the carcass into the Puget Sound after the bovine had died of natural causes. But thanks to Townson’s willingness to share her knowledge we know differently.

PORTLAND, OR – Festivities ramp up for the 5^th Annual National Soup Swap Day.

This Saturday is National Soup Swap Day and plans for several celebrations are already in the works. This relatively new national holiday has gone seemingly unnoticed for the past four years. However, now in its fifth year, it has begun to pick up more momentum throughout the country. The first soup swap took place in tree hugging Seattle, WA where the residents needed to find a way to beat the depressing rain and gloom.

In order to battle with the meteorological misery, Knox Gardner came up with the idea to eat soup and get drunk with friends and family. On that historic day, everyone brought a soup and immediately they realized that there was way too much soup for all to consume. In the end, they decided to swap the soups that they brought and the glorious day where everyone gathers about to drink and share soups was born.

Jim Richards of Portland, Oregon, which according to Gardener is “one of the centers of the Soup Swap craze”, intends to continue his own soup swap event that he recently started.

“Last year was a great success, it just got a little bit out of control,” said Richards. He explained that during the festivities people were so into the exchange that a food fight broke out. He also said under his breath, “They were pretty damn drunk too!” Normally a food fight would sound like good fun but when it involves scalding hot soup and a bunch of drunks, it can quickly become tragic. “75% of last years attendees were sent to the ER for third degree burns,” explained Richards, “the other 25% were unharmed because they were only hit with Gazpacho.”

This year Richards has changed his format. Instead of bringing piping hot soups, guests will bring six frozen quarts of their favorite creations to swap with one another. He is also imposing a three drink limit to insure that things do not get out of hand again. “The last thing that we need is for someone to get drunk and heave a frozen quart of soup at someone’s head,” said Richards.

Richards also sent out an invitation to the Shaanxi Provincial Institute of Archaeology in China. “We’re really hoping that they will bring some of that 2,400 year old soup that we’ve been hearing about. We’ve all been dying to try some,” exclaimed Richards.

SEATTLE, WA – After this week’s announcement of the 2009 Sasquatch Music Festival, cyber cafes across the country are reporting mysterious nighttime break-ins.

The Sasquatch Music Festival is a three-day concert held annually in Washington state. Bands play on three seperate stages: Sasquatch Main Stage, Wookie Stage and Yeti Stage. The line-up is heavily anticipated, as the festival attracts bigger headliners every year.

Now numerous cyber cafes, all near wooded areas, have been reporting break-ins. The owners arrived this morning to find windows smashed in, clumps of hair and feces strewn about, and computers logged into the festival’s ticketing website.

A security camera captured the image above, of what is indisputably two Sasquatches attempting to buy tickets!

Weekly World News reporters have begun searching Sasquatch-frequented Internet message boards for clues, and it seems the country’s entire humanoid population is planning on attending. Younger cryptids are raving about Animal Collective and Grizzly Bear, while the older ones think it’s a species reunion.

Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, is protesting the festival, alledging weight discrimination after his band Fatfoot and the Gigantopitheci was not picked to play.

SEATTLE, WA – For her special this Friday, Diane Sawyer interviewed several unique stories in the sex industry, including a Sasquatch who turned to prostitution to survive.

Careful wildlife observers may spot the Sasquatch collecting food on the outskirts of the Seattle area, or turning tricks off 5th street downtown.

It started while she was crossing an intersection one night, lost and trying to find her way back to the wilderness.  A limousine approached the bewildered Sasquatch, and an unnamed elected official propositioned her.  How this unnamed official discreetly bartered for sex with a creature that doesn’t speak English remains unclear.  But it worked and she has been in the business ever since.

Standing at 7’2”, 550 pounds and covered in body hair, she tends to attract a certain kind of man.  Footage shows she is mostly hired by upper class men who want to be pushed around or risk their lives mid-coitus.  If her Prada shoes and matching bag are any indication, she has become quite popular among the well-to-do.

When Diane asked if she was ever scared for her safety at work, the Sasquatch beat on her chest and grunted loudly.  Through a series of gestures she indicated that one customer who tried to get rough had his arm ripped off and was beaten with it until she got tired.

Provided the interview does well, Diane Sawyer has indicated she may turn this into a serial expose on cryptid call girls. The very flexible Lizard Woman is believed to be the obvious next choice.

SEATTLE, WA — Emergency room physicians in this great Northwestern city have been dealing with a rash of patients suffering from strange ankle bites. Dr. Scott Moore, an internist at Seattle General Hospital, told Weekly World News.

“Initially, we worked on the theory these were some sort of insect bites. We discovered that all the patients had recently been for walks through the botanical garden and crossed over the troll bridge.”

Scientists from the Seattle School of Entomology were dispatched to the arboretum. What they found was no insect.

Dr. Jane Simons told WWN, “I was crossing the troll bridge with my bug net when ‘he’ popped up in front of me. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know right away that this fanged, caped man was a vampire.”

Except the mini-vampire was only three feet high.

Dr. Simons said, “No wonder he could only bite ankles.” She slammed her net over him but he chewed right through and vanished into the thick foliage.

Dr. Simons’ discovery brought a flurry of scientists to Seattle to study the diminutive Dracula. In an attempt to explain the presence of the little nipper, noted Romanian vampire expert Dr. Zoltan Orr said, “A dwarf strain of vampires has long been rumored.

“Around the world we have found evidence of discarded ammunition boxes being used as small coffins and wooden stakes as small as tooth­picks. So we knew there were some little guys out there.”

Regarding the discovery in Seattle, Dr. Orr said, “While vampires are nocturnal, the perpetual grayness of the Pacific Northwest seems to have provided this little fellow with a welcome shield from the sun.”

When asked how the native from Transylvania might have ended up in the Seattle botanical garden Dr. Orr said, “I suspect he was accidentally transported in a box of Romanian dirt. The garden uses native plants and soil and Dr. Simons reports a lush growth of Romanian lilies.”

Dr. Orr indicated the bite from this pocket-sized beast caused only low-grade reactions in his victims but also added, “This small-scale sucker is still highly dangerous even though he is sort of cute — like a baby crocodile is cute.”

Arboretum officials are at a loss as to what to do with the diminutive plasma thief.

“Attendance has been way up since the discovery,” said director Flora Bush. “We have posted warning signs but, frankly, people like to be scared. Nobody ever lost money giving the public what they want. And to be honest, we need the money.”

“I suggest they plant garlic along the paths,” Dr. Orr suggested.

“That should protect the public but still give them a thrill when the vampire pops up and nips at their heels.”