NIGXI, China – Newly found scrolls reveal that 500 years before the birth of Jesus Christ, a man was born in China who lived an almost identical life.

Chinese Jesus taught the same principles, worked the same miracles – and suffered a similar brutal execution – as Jesus.

Many biblical scholars agree that the Asian prophet, Ying-Li, was the first incarnation of the Son of God!

The life of Ying-Li is almost perfectly parallel to that of Jesus – even in small details,” says German theologian Rev. Heinz Mueller. “Many of my colleagues and I believe that he was God’s first attempt to send us a Messiah to save us from our sins.  But for various reasons, the people of his time weren’t ready for his message and all written records of his life were lost – until now.

“Another factor that contributes to his anonymity is that other great men lived in the Yangtze Valley during and just after that time – most notably, Confucius and Lao-tse. These less important,  but better known men, got more notoriety and allowed Ying-Li’s message to be lost.”

Ying-Li’s life is chronicled in seven ancient scrolls discovered last month in a cave near Sian.

Here are some details of Christ’s life and how they compare to those of Ying-Li

Jesus – was born of poor parents in a stable that housed domestic animals.
Ying-Li was born of poor parents outdoors under a makeshift thatched roof built to protect oxen and other domestic animals.

The coming of Jesus – had been prophesied for hundreds of years.  A great star in the sky led seekers to the place of His birth.
The coming of Ying-Li had been prophesied for 50 years.  Several stars led seekers to the place of his birth from many different directions.

Jesus – taught that God is love and defined the Pharisees (the predominant religious teachers of His time) –  by saying that he was the son of God.
Ying-Li – taught that God is love and defied the aristocratic warrior class by saying that he was the son of God.

Jesus – cured lepers, blind men, cripples and the insane.
Ying-Li – cured lepers, blind men, cripples and the insane.

Jesus – walked on water, raised the dead and fed 5,000 people with just two fishes and five loaves of bread.
Ying-Li – walked on water, raised the dead and fed 5,000 people with ony one small bowl of rice and three stalks of grainl

Jesus – said “judge not that you be not judged.”
Ying-Li – said, Y”Your condemnatino condemns you.”

Jesus – was put to death by crucifixion on charges trumped-up by the Pharisees because His teachings went against their believes.
YIng-Li was put to death by beheading on charges trumped-up by the ruling warrior class because he taught peace.

Jesus – rose from the dead three days after his execution.
Ying-Li – rose from the dead three days after his execution.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an attempt to further diversify her brood, Angelina Jolie has made a bold choice.

Jolie recently stated on the Today Show, “I want to create a rainbow family. That’s children of different religions and cultures, from different countries. And Bat Boy is the perfect example of that.”

Jolie took a moment to dab her welling eyes and then continued, “I have saved all of my children from loneliness and neglect in those orphanages. Bat Boy is out all on his own. It is my duty to be photographed while rescuing him and give him a better life in front of millions of people.”

According to eye witnesses, Jolie used mosquitoes as bait to lure and trap him. With Brad Pitt’s assistance, she dragged him kicking and screaming to the local courthouse to have the adoption finalized.

But Bat Boy had other plans. He nipped Pitt on the cheek, who dropped him and began screaming, “My face! My beautiful face!”. Our young hero took off out the back door and has not been seen since.

Jolie and Pitt are now in the process of adopting a Tibetan yeti to supplement Jolie’s new interest in Buddhism.