NEW YORK, NY – Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, was recently discovered to be suffering from bulimia.   Yesterday he appeared on daytime television show The View to discuss his struggle.

Fatfoot became overweight foraging for food in suburban New Jersey, subsiding mostly on fast food and leftover Chinese takeout.  While most Sasquatches weigh between 450 and 600 pounds, Fatfoot weighs roughly 1,235 lbs.  After the recent publicity received for his weight, the obese australocrypticine developed a severe eating disorder.

For the past few weeks, Fatfoot has been going on binges, eating dumpster-fulls of discarded food from Manhattan restaurants.  Several days ago he was seen purging behind a midtown Dunkin Donuts, and was quickly taken away by concerned wildlife officials.  Once the story of his eating disorder got out he was almost immediately invited on The View.

Most of The View’s female hosts offered their sympathies to the obese primate.  Elizabeth Hasselbeck, a devout creationist, refused to acknowledge the existence of the missing link sitting next to her.

The overweight Sasquatch, although only able to communicate through grunts and pointing, managed to tell a story of heartache and rejection.  Barely a dry eye was left by the time Joy Behar denounced Weekly World News for giving the primate the moniker ‘Fatfoot’, which the sobbing Sasquatch confirmed only led to his negative body image.

At the end of the show Fatfoot was treated to a surprise make-over before being released back into the wild.

Weekly World News and its staff would like to formally apologize to Fatfoot for encouraging a negative body image.  We shall continue to provide the latest breaking news without weight discrimination as “The World’s Only Reliable News Source.”

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/3732/fatfoot-on-the-view/feed/ 5 Reginald Cunningham III fatfoottheview http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3383/ice-queen-cindy-mccain/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3383/ice-queen-cindy-mccain/#comments Mon, 27 Oct 2008 10:21:19 +0000 Samuel T. Westbrook http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3383 ]]>

SVALBARD, NORWAY – Cindy McCain will return to her ice kingdom following the November elections should her husband not be victorious.

Longstanding rumors allege Mrs. McCain has difficulties remaining for long periods of time in the hot temperatures of Arizona and Washington DC’s summer seasons.

Mrs. McCain, heiress to an American beer fortune, is also the Queen of Svalbard, the northernmost province of Norway.  Although the archipelago is technically part of Norway, the Norwegian government leaves all authority over the province to Mrs. McCain.

“We have treaties and we have an armistice line.  We don’t cross and thank heavens those creatures don’t cross either,” Morten Wetland, Norway’s Permanent Representative to the United Nations said through a translator.

The creatures that Wetland refers to, in addition to Mrs. McCain herself, include The United Tribes of the Three Polar Bear Legions as well as the Worg Enclave and the Sasquatch Nation.

While under McCain’s despotic rule, peace has been achieved among the bears, wolves and sasquatches.  In Wetland’s own words, “Thank the heavens the Ice Witch does not turn her icy glare south. “

Should Senator McCain lose his bid for the presidency, it is feared that Mrs. McCain will mobilize her minions from the ice kingdom to wage a war of revenge against America and her allies.

Stay tuned for updates as they become available.