JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin, having resigned from being Alaska’s governor, is moving out of the governor’s mansion. To help speed the process she is holding an enormous yard sale.

WASILLA, AK – Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska last week. In a startling press conference, she has revealed her new mission: hunting Bigfoot.

COLUMBIA, SC – Governor Mark Sanford returned to work after disappearing over the weekend. Photographic evidence proves he was spending time with his Bigfoot lover.

JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin has landed the cover of Portfolio’s April 2009 issue with a photo of her wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, and she is not pleased.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Long running Internet rumors have been confirmed as the wife of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom’s acting debut hits shelves this week, featuring a steamy love scene “with a twist”: a supernatural threesome!

SEATTLE, WA – After this week’s announcement of the 2009 Sasquatch Music Festival, cyber cafes across the country are reporting mysterious nighttime break-ins.

LAS VEGAS, NV – The 2009 Miss America competition was rocked by scandal after a cryptid was discovered in their midst!

HOLLYWOOD, CA – In order to redeem her public image, Miley Cyrus has recorded a duet with Fatfoot for charity.

BRONX, NY – Fatfoot is looking for a companion who can love all of him.

SEATTLE, WA – For her special this Friday, Diane Sawyer interviewed several unique stories in the sex industry, including a Sasquatch who turned to prostitution to survive.