German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, has ordered Greece to seli its islands to raise cash to avoid default and bankruptcy.

“The Greek state must sell its islands and their top assets, like the Acropolis” said Jim Crawley, a leading member British parliament.  In an exclusive interview with WWN, Crawley said that German Chancellor Angela Merkel, along with President Nicolas Sarkozy, has issued her ultimatum to Greece and it will be make her demand public in the next few days.

Merkel feels that Athens must pay up for all the money it has received from the European Union to help it out of its debt crisis.

“The Greek islands are all Greece has to sell,” said an insider close to Merkel.  “They have no choice anymore.  Greece is now for sale.”

“England has already offered cash for Corfu,” Crawley told WWN.

Greece has around 6,000 islands off its coast, of which only 227 are inhabited, according to the country’s National Tourism Office website.  Merkel wants Greece to sell 90% of the island, including Corfu, Santoni, Crete, Rhodes, Mykonos, Paros, Ios, and Naxos.

Merkel is also ordering Greece to sell one of its prized possessions:  the Acropolis.

The cash-strapped country launched a fresh round of draconian austerity measures in a bid to rein in a ballooning budget deficit that is more than four times above EU limits, but even that is not enough.

Merkel will be meeting with Greek leaders on Friday to discuss her demands.

Donald Trump is looking to buy Crete, and Mark Zuckerberg (the Facebook billionaire) wants to pick up Corfu and Mykonos.  The island of Rhodes has offers from Jay-Z (who wants to rename the island ‘Blue Ivy”) and Tyler Perry has a “very serious” offer in on the Acropolis.

“Tyler really wants the Acropolis.   He wants to turn it into a museum for African-American heritage.”

Only 227 Greek islands are populated and ALL of those islands will be up for sale.

Merkel is being applauded across Europe for her vision and her strength in ordering the Greek isles be sold.

James Crawley told WWN, “We weren’t sure that Merkel was serious about this, but it’s clear about her ultimatum  to Greece and Great Britain backs her one hundred percent.”

Crawley has a bid in on the isle of Larcos, but may be  outbid by Hillary Clinton, who also has made a  bid for the Isle of Lesbos.

LONDON  — A new study estimates that about 62 percent of Europeans, or 295 million people, have some type of mental illness

The most alarming fact is that 80% of Europeans go untreated.  The shocking part is that the mental illness’ wide-ranging impact goes beyond the individual.

Mental illnesses cause a huge economic and social burden — measured in the hundreds of billions of euros — as sufferers become too unwell to work and personal relationships break down.

“Mental disorders have become Europe’s largest health challenge of the 21st century,” the study’s authors said.

Researchers analyzed data from more than 600 million people in 30 countries in the European Union plus Switzerland, Iceland and Norway.

The experts surveyed more than 90 different problems, from attention deficit disorders in children to dementia in Alzheimer’s patients. Rates of mental disorders didn’t appear to be rising, compared to a similar study in 2005.

The most common problems included anxiety disorders, insomnia, depression, alcohol and drug dependence and dementia.

The study found that the most disabling conditions are depression, dementia, alcohol dependence and stroke. According to the survey, women are more likely than men to suffer from depression.

The study also noted that while brain illnesses were on the rise, large drug companies are investing less in research on how the brain works.

Experts estimated only onef-fifth of people receive treatment. Hans Ulrich Wittchen, the study’s lead investigator, had the following to say about lack of treatment being sought:

“The immense treatment gap … for mental disorders has to be closed. Those few receiving treatment do so with considerable delays of an average of several years and rarely with the appropriate, state-of-the-art therapies.”

The study, which was published by the Prussian College of Neuropsychopharmacology in connection with the United Nations Panel on Europeans.

MARTHA’S VINEYARD – President Obama has been interrupted so much on his vacation, he’s decided to extend it another week.

The President is on the seventh day of his nine-day vacation and because of major world events he’s had little rest and relaxation.  So, the President has decided to stay on Martha’s  vineyard another week.

“The President has had to deal with the financial crisis, the overthrow of the Gaddafi regime and the earthquake.  He’s had very little time to play the kind of golf he intended to on his vacation.  He had hoped to bring his handicap down to a 12, but he keeps getting interrupted,” said Jay Carney, the President’s spokesperson.  “He can’t solve ALL the world’s problems, unless his fully rested.”

“Barack is always working,” said Michelle.  “He needs some family time.  Some time to finish writing his new autobiography.”

Yesterday, the President handled two conference calls with his national security team over Libya, as well as calls to British Prime Minister David Cameron and French President Nicolas Sarkozy, in between his beaching, biking and book-reading.   “He wanted to watch “Jersey Shore” this week and he was interrupted with a jobs report.   He was disappointed,” said Carney.

White House counterterrorism czar John Brennan has been on the Vineyard to keep Obama personally up to date on all the international developments.

The President also monitored economic affairs, including the daily gyrations of the financial markets, while finding time to take first lady Michelle Obama out to dinner and socializing with friends.

For that, he can thank Brian Deese, the deputy director of the National Economic Council, who traveled up to the Vineyard to deliver daily briefings.

And  Obama led a conference call with a wide array of federal government officials to consider the latest challenge — a 5.8-magnitude earthquake that hit most of the East Coast, including the White House and the golf course he was playing at the time.

So, when does he get a chance to rest?

“The President has been steering the economy and solving major conflicts in the Mideast.  The President is getting comfortable up here,” said Carney.  “He’d prefer to work up here. He thinks  he can play golf and solve the Arab-Israeli conflict at the same time.  He’s a world-class multi-tasker.”

Today the president is dealing with hurricane Irene and helping to solve the problem of cracks in the Washington monument.

Rumors are that the President wants to knock down the monument and perhaps put up an Obama monument instead.  “The President feels it would be the appropriate time to build a new monument in Washington.”

So, Air Force One will stay on Martha’s Vineyard for at least another week.   When a reporter shouted a question to Obama about it this morning, the President simply yelled back -

“Fore!”

PARIS – French President Sarkozy and German Chancellor Merkel have decided to merge countries!

Nicolas Sarkozy met with Angela Merkel today and in a joint press conference announced that the two countries will be “merging.”

“France and Germany have decided that for the good of our people, we will join together and form one new nation, that will lift all our citizens up.”

The dire economic condition of the Eurozone has forced countries to consider combining assets – even within the zone.  Italy is considering forming one nation with Greece.

Sarkozy and Merkel have been fast friends for years now.  That went a long way to helping speed along the merger deal.  Both countries will have to ratify the agreement, but Sarkozy and Merkel are confident that it can be done by October 1st, 2011.

Sarkozy and Merkel first wanted to name the new country – Merkozy or Sarkel – but cooler heads prevailed.  Instead, they are going to name the new country Franmany.   Merkel wanted to call it Germance – but Sarokzy didn’t like the sound of it.

Both nations will be adopting English as the primary language. “German and French are two dying languages,” said Sarkozy.  “We want to give our citizens an advantage  in the new world order.  All citizens of Franmany will learn English, Spanish and Mandarin.”

With the sovereign debt crisis deepening, the leaders of France and Germany had to come up with a creative solution – and forming a new country seems to be the answer..

Franmany will be adopting the U.S. Constitution for the new country.  “Why reinvent the wheel?” said Sarkozy.

Merkel said that “Germans will still be superior to the French, but it will be an internal battle now.”

Hmmm….

NEW YORK – Donald Trump will run for President in France next year.

After announcing he would not seek the Republican nomination for 2012 yesterday, Trump revealed today that he has not given up on his political aspirations. They have just crossed the pond.

He’s decided to pursue a run for president in France. Trump will face the incumbent Nicolas Sarkozy in next year’s election.

In light of the arrest of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the head of the International Monetary Fund and a former French finance minister, Trump saw an opportunity. Mr. Strauss-Kahn, who is being held on charges that he sexually assaulted a chambermaid in a Manhattan hotel last weekend, had been expected to declare his candidacy for president in France in the coming weeks. He had been pegged as a favorite to beat President Sarkozy in the next election.

Trump explained, “That’s how I do business. I see a void and I fill it. I see an empty lot and I build on it. That’s the case with France and Mr. Strauss-Kahn. He can’t be elected now or ever. Nowhere, not even in France. So, a spot has opened. And I’m ready. I’m flying over to Paris in the jet tonight. We’re having some shirts printed up and I’m going to shoot them out with a t-shirt gun, just like they do at the Met game. It’s going to be fantastic.”

Early reports from France indicate a guarded interest in Trump. Some supporters have even billed him as “typiquement français” in reference to his multiple marriages and affairs. Jean-Pierre Paulmier, Trump’s newly appointed French press secretary, said at a news conference in advance of Trump’s arrival, “We in France love Bill Clinton. Donald Trump seems to be very close to this type of personality.”

I’m madder than John Thompson after Georgetown lost to VCU, about Obama’s March Meekness!

The Teleprompter Kid is in Rio on Spring Break while the world is falling apart!  He’s spending more time watching the NCAA Tournament and dancing the samba then his is trying to help Japan, save the economy or keep us out of another useless war.

He’s the Moron-In-Chief!

He spends most of his day staring into a mirror, singing “Hail to the Chief” to himself.   He thinks “make a decision” means “go golfing.”   My bladder gets weak every time he speaks.

Since when did the United States of America let the head of France take the lead on anything?!!  The French are supposed to drink wine, eat cheese and smell bad.  They are NOT supposed to take the lead in any kind of military operation.

Obama is in so far over his head, he’d need a ladder to get to the bottom of Lake Stupid.  Harvard and Columbia are taking back his diplomas.  Kenyans are disowning him – they’re claiming he was born in Hawaii!

Obama’s ten-year-old daughter, Sasha, had to tell her father who Gaddafi was.  Obama thought he was a point guard for Duke.

Obama needs to resign – immediately!

The White House is a no-leader zone.  Obama needs to do a Nixon, so he can focus on golf, basketball and reading a book on how to grow a pair!

I’d rather have Charlie Sheen in the White House.  He’s got Tiger Blood.   Obama has Pussy Blood!

Hey, America.  Let’s start… “winning” again!

JUNEAU, ALASKA –   Sarah Palin is a robot and she/it malfunctioned during her new reality show!

After Sarah Palin short circuited on the set of her new TV show, TLC officials are confirming that the popular Tea Party politician and Republican Presidential hopeful is actually a robot!

Network executives are may have to push back the last six episodes of  Sarah Palin’s Alaska after its star suffered a serious software malfunction during filming.

“At first I thought she was just being weird Sarah Palin again,” said Andy Masterson, a cameraman for Sarah Palin’s Alaska, “but then I noticed smoke was coming out of her ears and her eyeballs were dangling out of her head. That’s when I knew something was wrong.”

Several Republican leaders have now come forth with admissions that Sarah Palin is indeed a robot, designed and programmed by the Microsoft Corporation to win the presidential election in 2012.

“The Republican Party apologizes to the TLC network for any harm that might have been caused by the Palin-bot” said Republican House minority leader John Boehner. “To be honest, we had no idea what we were doing when we built her. We just wanted something pretty around the office.”

According to first hand accounts, the malfunction was caused when Rob Rigelson, a tech assistant on Sarah Palin’s Alaska, accidentally inserted his cell-phone’s memory card into Sarah Palin’s central processing center, which happens to be in her butt.

“Oh man, this is all my fault,” said Rigelson. “I was just trying to download naked TSA scans of my ex-girlfriend and my SD card ran out of memory. There was an extra microchip laying around in Sarah Palin’s dressing room, so I swiped it. I didn’t know it was her artificial brain!”

When it came time to film one of Sarah Palin’s scenes, the set technicians accidentally put Rigelson’s chip into Palin’s butt. That’s when the short circuit occurred.

TLC executives then had to call Bill Gates, the head of Microsoft and chief programmer of the Palin-bot, to fly up to Alaska and “fix the problem.” Weekly World News photographers were there to capture the moment:

This is not the first time the Palin-bot has short-circuited in public. Republican officials have recently admitted that several of Palin’s embarrassing moments, including her prank phone call from Nicolas Sarkozy and her “I can see Russia from my house” comment were actually the results of software malfunctions.

I can see Alaska from my house video:

Nicolas Sarkozy prank call video:

FRANCE – Carla Bruni is back in the news. WWN first revealed that Bruni was immortal and was far beyond your mere first lady. Stay-tuned as more will follow tomorrow!

Recent findings reveal that French First Lady Carla Bruni has been alive since at least the early Hellenic Period. Dr. Andrei Cyriakis has uncovered artifacts off the coast of Sicily dating back to 300 BC which bear an unmistakable resemblance to the model/singer.

Dr. Cyriakis’ find would help explain several events since Bruni began her courtship with French Prime Minister Nicolas Sarkozy.

Last February a bus full of schoolchildren were saved from an avalanche near Lyon by what witnesses described as “a beautiful angel” wearing a designer Christian Dior dress similar to the one Bruni wore that evening to dinner with the Queen of Jordan.

Since her arrival in New York for the UN General Assembly, reports of street crime have dropped 83%. A woman matching Bruni’s description was seen flying away from an explosion at an abandoned warehouse in Queens shortly before her husband’s reception with the Eli Wiesel Humanitarian Foundation.

For reasons yet unknown Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was seen staring at Mrs. Bruni this morning at the United Nations building with clenched fists saying “Next time. Next time…”

Exactly how old she is or where she came from remain a mystery, but the scientific community and Weekly World News will keep searching for the truth.