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BAILOUT BOY
UPDATE: At a pivotal moment in the nation’s history, America’s newest Deputy Treasury Secretary, Bat Boy, was nowhere to be found. This revelation sent shockwaves through the market and Washington D.C. on Monday.
Where was Bat Boy? He had scurried off to see his favorite band, Vampire Weekend, play a secret show in Brooklyn on Saturday night. He watched and devoured mosquitoes while the nation burned.
UPDATE: PALINTOLOGY REVEALED!
These drawings were found left behind on Palin’s debate notes last night showing both her belief in what should be taught in schools but also her view on the natural evolution of woman. The images show Palin evolving from Christian obedience, gunslinging hunter, patriotic beauty queen, and expectant wife to Governor Mother.
Bonus Image from Bristol’s Baby Shower
Featuring Trig Palin testing out the baby snowmobile!
Oil Drill Opens Hole Into Hell
More than 60 eyewitnesses who have seen the monstrous shape roaring out of a mile-deep Alaskan oil well amid stinking clouds of sulfur
Bat Boy Gets Passport
Weekly World News investigative reporters have discovered that the U.S. government has issued Bat Boy a passport for international travel!
Reactions from politicians has been mixed.
Bridge to Nowhere Leads to Alien Quizno’s
The “Road to Nowhere” in fact leads to a delicious, yet invisible to human eyes, Alien-franchised Quizno’s
McCain Will Sell Hawaii to Raise Cash
“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway”
Palin Hackers Expose Bristol’s Baby Shower Pics
GIVES DAUGHTER CAMOUFLAGE BABY BJORN MADE FOR HUNTING
After the Anonymous group hacked into Sarah Palin’s personal email account, the group gave Weekly World News exclusive photos of Palin’s secret baby shower for her daughter Bristol.
The photos show the gifts for the unborn baby and mother-to-be included the new Jonas Brothers album, lipstick, rifle ammunition and a special snowmobile-adapted baby seat.
McCain Challenges Obama to a Duel
Presidential nominee John McCain wants fellow nominee Barack Obama to put his campaign ads away and instead settle the election like gentlemen—by having a duel!
The bold challenge, publicly issued by McCain’s feisty Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin, would spare the American people from the typical smear campaigns and save millions of dollars in citizens’ donations, according to McCain.
Sarah Palien?
Following Sarah Palin’s emergence on the national stage, the blogosphere lit up with reports that Governor Palin does not actually hail from Wasilla, Alaska but from a planet known as Wazeela.
The tiny planet, which is located some 37,000 miles due east from the Sun, is known to be rich with fossil fuels that lie beneath snow-capped peaks.
Internet reports also cited the particularly short 5-month gestation period of Wazeela females as proof that Palin was, in fact, a Palien.
