WWN is on a mission to find our most wanted subjects.  Please help us.  Have you seen Reindeer Boy?

NAME:  Rudolph.

LOCATION:  Nome, Alaska

AGE TODAY:  Ten. (14 in reindeer years)

AGE IN PHOTOS:  One (1.4 in reindeer years)

FEATURES: 7 inch antlers jutting from the sides of his cute, cuddly head. The antlers should have grown to 28 inches by the time he hit 10 – according to Dr. Carl Bevinitsky, a renowned neo-natal physician from Sweden. Rudolph has a red nose that glows when he wants his bottle.  He often got his antlers stuck in the slats of his crib, but he has half a dozen pacifiers hanging on his antlers – so it always ends well.

THE PARENTS:  “I love my son’s antlers! I just knitted him a horn hat.” Rachel (27) said. “Rudolph is a real dear.”  Father Bob says, “I hang my tie on his horns every night. He’s a real help.”  The parents do not want to have the baby’s antlers removed even though Rachel suffered severe horn pokes while breastfeeding their little Rudolph.

Here’s Rachel with her son:

Note:  Rudolph’s parents died in a bizarre igloo accident, so last reports were that Rudolph was living with his aunt and uncle – Charlie and Betty Bench of Anchorage.

WHY NOW?  -  Reindeer Boy is in hiding because the Federal Government wants to use him for experiments.  But WWN has information that could be VERY helpful to him.

NOTE:  Rudolph comes in handy during the dark Alaskan winters.  He helped light up the starting line at last year’s Nome Iditarod.

If you  have seen Reindeer Boy, please let us know in the comments below!  All tips will be kept strictly confidential

Thank you readers and commenters.  Have a jolly Christmas.  Jingle all day!

It’s official… we have the best readers on the interweb!!  WWN thanks you all for  coming by so often and wish you a super happy Bat Boy Christmas!

May your day be shiny and bright!!

Sing along with Bat Boy:

NEW ORLEANS, LA -  A leading psychologist  wants to prove whether Santa Claus really exists by not buying presents for their kids this year!

Dr. Joseph Pernell says we “will never know if Santa is real or a hoax unless we stop delivering toys for him and see if he picks up the slack.

“People think I’m joking but I’m as serious as I can be,” continued the expert.

“As a longtime student of Christmas legend and lore, I have always been fascinated by St. Nicholas.  And though intellectually I’m not convinced, in my heart I know he exists.  I believe in Santa Claus.”

“I know as well as you do that he’s not some elf living at the North Pole. But in my heart of hearts, I still believe that has the power to reward the innocence of childhood and make miracles happen.

“Crazy? Romantic? Maybe I am. But if we don’t try something like this, if we don’t put a stop to this mindless commercialization of Christmas, we’ll never know the truth.

“This is the year we can pull together and celebrate a Christmas like no other. If children find toys under the tree, we’ll know Santa is real.

“If they don’t, we’ll know Santa is the figment of our collective imagination and a symbol of the way we would like things to be.

“I urge every parent to join this crusade,” he added. “We all can play a role in this historic crusade.”

If Dr. Pernell’s Christmas sentiments are fanciful, his search for the truth about Santa Claus is not.

By urging parents to withhold presents from their children, he is setting the stage for unimaginable heartbreak when – and if – the little ones wake up on Christmas morning and find empty stockings.

The potential economic impact is even more frightening, considering the terrible recession America is still going through.

Without Christmas sales, toy manufacturers and retailers would be in dire straits, industry analysts agree.

“The crusade has an upside and a downside, too,” admitted Dr. Pernell, who’s promoting his crusade through interviews and on talk radio.

“Regardless of what happens on Christmas morning, the truth about Santa Claus will pay dividends for years to come.”

Do you think Santa Claus is real?

LONDON – Due to arctic conditions and a massive blizzard – Great Britain has canceled Christmas.

Festivities of any kind have been canceled in Great Britain because of a white-out and low temperatures that have shattered all low temperatures going back to 1670 during the Little Ice Age.   This means that Christmas, for all intents and purposes – is canceled this year.

British drivers are being told NOT not to travel in the run-up to Christmas, when millions hit the roads to visit relatives or to do last-minute shopping.

“We can not have Brits on the road at all.   No shopping.  No Christmas.  It’s just too bloody dangerous,” said British Prime Minister, David Cameron.

There is chaos across the transportation networks, and that means gifts sent through the post will not arrive in time and shops will run low on food and other essentials.  “If our citizens insist on going shopping and or stocking up on holiday food from the grocery stores, we will have them arrested.  This is a national emergency,” said Cameron.

Transportation spokesman Bernard Hill said: ‘”It’s too  treacherous.  People can celebrate Christmas after the New Year, when the weather is predicted to improve.   Safety comes first.’

The earliest widespread wintry blast on records since the 18th century, has already claimed at least 1,300 British lives.

Forecasters predict fifty inches of snow could fall in the next few days, with temperatures plummeting as low -20C in Scotland and northern England. There is no sign of a let-up before the festive period.  It is predicted that this year will be a White-Out Christmas.

Ian Gordon, of independent forecaster The Weather Outlook, said: ‘This cold spell is a once-in-ten-lifetimes event. We’ll probably never see it again.’

Cameron has sent word to Santa at the North Pole, “Please bypass Great Britain.  If you attempt to drop or deliver presents, you will be shot down.”

Not everyone was impressed with the cold, however.  Sally Montrose from St. Paul, Minnesota was startled at how the Brits were reacting.  “Are you kidding me?  This is nothing.  These people are babies.  They wouldn’t survive a day in St. Paul.”

Doesn’t matter what Sally thinks. The Brits don’t like cold and they are going to hibernate until the rain returns.

Some Brits are happy that there will be no Christmas.  “Scrooge was right.  Bah humbug,” said Jonathan Mindwell of Camden.  “I’ll just stay home and get pissed on ale.  It’ll be like every other Christmas – without me wasting money on gifts.”

Ahhh, there’s nothing better than a British Christmas.

The Leonid meteor shower of 2010 is peaking this week and the best time to see the sky show is NOW.  The annual Leonids should be at their best through Nov. 18, according to skywatching experts. Avid meteor gazers graced with clear skies may see between 15 and 20 meteors per hour.

The best time to try to see the Leonids are in the last two or three hours before sunrise, when the moon has set.
“From the time of moonset until around 5:15 a.m. – when the first streaks of dawn begin to appear in the east Ñ the sky will be dark and moonless,” advises Joe Rao of SPACE.com.

“That interval will provide you with your best opportunity to see any Leonid meteors.”

NASA also recommends you watch from moonset on, but they also suggest you read GOING MUTANT, while you wait.  You can get GOING MUTANT… RIGHT HERE.

Another tip: Make sure to stay warm and get comfortable.  Astronomers recommend you wear a Snuggie.

“If you have a lawn chair that reclines, use it during your search for Leonid meteors since it will help keep your neck from getting stiff as well as make it easier to look at the night sky,” Rao said.

The Leonid meteor shower is an annual event that returns every mid-November. The shower is caused by material left behind the comet Tempel-Tuttle when it passes near Earth’s orbit during its regular trip through the solar system.

When the Earth passes through these knots of comet material, the gas and dust flares up in the atmosphere, creating spectacular meteors.

Every 33 years, the Earth encounters a dense knot of material – most recently in 2002 – to create dazzling displays of shooting stars. During those showers, it can be possible to see hundreds or thousands of meteors per hour.

That isn’t the case this year because the Earth is passing through a less dense area of Comet Tempel-Tuttle’s trail, Rao said.

Still, the Leonids retain a reputation for offering impressive meteor displays.

But with fewer meteors expected this year, you may want to travel a bit to find the best spot. Meteor-gazing from a rooftop in suburbia doesn’t always offer the best view, though if you stay up there long enough you may see Santa Claus.

CHARLESTON, WV – Bat Boy trapped Santa Claus!  Mutant child not sure what he’s supposed to do with him now.

Last night while making his yearly trip Santa Claus was successfully captured by America’s Favorite Mutant, Bat Boy!  Santa trackers were bewildered when he appearing in radars and being seen by people in airplanes.  Santa is at the time of publishing still detained in a cave in West Virginia.

Bat Boy is believed to have used his night vision and natural sonar to get the best of Santa.  Sources believe it most likely that Bat Boy was hiding among stalactites on the roof of his cave wearing his Christmas sweater, and dropped a fishing net on Santa when he arrived.  Santa probably passed out from the image of an excited Bat Boy rushing towards him, as Bat Boy has that affect on people.

The international community is stunned that Santa Claus has been successfully captured.  Most political figures are breathing a sigh of relief that Santa was caught before he could try and enter Iran.  Earlier this week President Ahmedinejad  spoke out against Santa, vowing that any intrusion of Iran’s borders by him would be seen as an act of war by all Western countries.  This violates international conventions as Santa Claus has been seen as an a-political fixture since 1685.  Thankfully with Santa detained an international incident has been avoided.

Bat Boy is expected to release Santa Clause later this morning.  Sources close to Bat Boy believe he most likely caught Santa for harmless reasons.  Once they have shared a few cookies and talked about Bat Boy’s wish list Santa will resume his yearly rounds.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/14695/bat-boy-traps-santa/feed/ 5 Reginald Cunningham III bat_boy_traps_santa http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/13794/north-pole-alaska/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/13794/north-pole-alaska/#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:05:56 +0000 Allie Pruitt http://weeklyworldnews.com/?p=13794 ]]>

ANCHORAGE, AK – The popular program of answering Santa’s letters from the “North Pole” is being discontinued!

The program was started in 1954, in the Alaskan town of North Pole. The Postal Service had noticed letters arriving in the town addressed to Santa, and decided to organize a group of volunteers to respond to the thousands of children who wrote.

The 2,100 person town of North Pole prides itself on its Christmas connection, with stores like Santa Claus House, light poles that look like candy canes and streets called Kris Kringle Drive and Santa Claus Lane.

But the mood has changed, now that the USPS has declared it would no longer be running the letter answering service. This is mostly due to an incident last year, when a registered sex offender was recognized volunteering for Operation Santa! He was stopped before he could answer any letters, but the repurcussions have been felt nationally.

While the Operation Santa program will still exist, letters addressed to “Santa Claus, North Pole” will no longer reach the Alaskan town. And considering the residents only just found it, a dark mood has settled over the community.

Said Mayor Doug Isaacson, “It’s Grinchlike that the Postal Service never informed all the little elves before the fact. They’ve been working on this for how long?”

Unless a change is made in the next couple weeks, it is likely the cancellation will be permanent.

NEW YORK, NY – In an interview on Fox News, former Vice President Dick Cheney admitted that “there was never any evidence Iraq was involved in 9-11.”

This news comes as a complete shock to America and people around the world.  For the past 6 years, Vice President Cheney led the chorus stating it was an irrefutable fact that Iraq was linked to the 9/11 attacks.  The world stands in awe as one of the foundational beliefs of the last decade has been shattered.

Crisis counselors were immediately called into the Fox News headquarters.  Sean Hannity broke down in tears before locking himself in a closet for several hours. Richard Cheney said that with the Iraq war in its 6th year, it was finally a good time for the truth to come out.

Cheney also went on to definitively state that there is no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy, and Elmo is “just an annoying piece of felt with a guys hand up its rear.”    Citizens of the world are equally shocked to hear dearly held beliefs are also untrue.  After refuting the Iraq/9-11 connection on Fox News, the former Vice President wishes to go to elementary schools to tell children there is no Santa.  Dozens of elementary and preschools across the country have been added to his public speaking tour.

Detailing the nature of his youth audience speeches, Cheney said he plans on having a Mall Santa on stage that he will punch out and strip of his Santa outfit in front of the children.  “’No magic here, kids!’ I think that will be an eye-opening moment for a lot of children.”  He hopes to end the presentations by taking an Elmo doll off the hand of a puppeteer and putting it in a blender.  “Then the kids can see it’s just felt and crap.”

Requests to book the “Iraq was never connected to 9-11, and also there’s no Santa” speaking tour by Dick Cheney can be made through his website.

UPDATE: Through a miraculous combination of teamwork and ingenuity, Santa Claus was saved and Christmas proceeded as scheduled.

Numerous attempts to free Santa from inside a giant block of ice failed. Blowtorches refused to start as a surprise blizzard came roaring through. Hammers and chisels made hardly a dent in the solid ice.

Finally, a daring combination of fresh chocolate chip cookies and gamma radiation saved the day. Head of the North Pole research department Sprinkles Von Bohrstein came up with the holiday saving idea to combine Santa’s favorite treat with a gamma powered “Cheer Emitter.” Mrs. Claus made up a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and placed them in front of the frozen Santa. Then Von Bohrstein aimed the experimental device at him, hoping the ice could be broken from the inside out.

Immediately results could be seen as Santa become hotter from the radiation and began to grow in size. With the thunderous crash of ice the mutated Santa Claus shattered his icy prison with a bellowing “Ho HO HOOOO!”

After a few cookies and a hug from his wife, Mr. Claus returned to his old self and immediately began preparations for his annual flight.

Receipt of presents by children all over the world proves that Santa Claus was able to make his run despite the setbacks. However due to his late start several wealthy families in Beverly Hills received glittery IOU’s attached to their fireplace.

December 24, 2008

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has yet again been frozen in a block of ice.

Delaying critical Christmas preparation, the elf union is working overtime to thaw out the yule time celebrity.

After going on his traditional pre-holiday bender, Santa drunkenly fell asleep outside the reindeer stables and was quickly frozen in a solid block of ice.

Experts believe he may have been hitting the bottle harder than usual due to his difficulty in receiving a federal bailout.  Unsubstantiated reports say that Mrs. Claus may have been one of the unlucky victims taken in by the Madoff financial scheme.

A representative of the United Elvin Workers union confirmed that this is not the first time Santa has been frozen solid.  “He does this every year.  We’d hoped he would stay inside this year and just need a coffee the next morning.  But it looks like we’ll need to dust off the glitter-powered blowtorches again.”

Will Santa be freed in time? Updates will be forthcoming as the diminutive labor union works to save Christmas.

NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.

Junior was excited to sit in Santa’s lap and tell him what he wants for Christmas. PhD Ape’s niece Bobo managed to sit still long enough to take a photo with Santa before running off to eat the candy cane picket fence in front of Santa’s Workshop.

“Junior wouldn’t tell me what he asked for,” PhD Ape told reporters outside Macy’s. “But I’m pretty sure it involved bananas, a rope swing, and a Wii Fit.”

“If he’s a good boy, he’ll also have asked for new slippers and a box of Cubans for his father.” PhD Ape said with a wink.

During his lunch break, reporters asked Santa about meeting the young ape children.

“It was a little unnerving, to be honest. I thought they were adorable, sweet little things, but then Junior asked me if I have daddy issues and if that’s why I feel the need to provide children with love and presents.”

“He asked if I crave the approval of my peers. He is definitely his father’s son.”