CHARLESTON, WV – Bat Boy trapped Santa Claus! Mutant child not sure what he’s supposed to do with him now.

ANCHORAGE, AK – The popular program of answering Santa’s letters from the “North Pole” is being discontinued!

NEW YORK, NY – In an interview on Fox News, former Vice President Dick Cheney admitted that “there was never any evidence Iraq was involved in 9-11.”

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has yet again been frozen in a block of ice.

NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised with a rare treat this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.

WASHINGTON, DC – Santa Claus has requested a $14 million federal bailout to avoid a crash which could cancel Christmas.

BALTIMORE, MD – Bat Boy’s attempts at fitting in for the holidays have again failed miserably.