I’m madder than a drag queen who’s run out of duct tape! Poor Miss California deserved to win that beauty contest.

Then tubby twinkie Perez Hilton – who doesn’t look anything like his skinny rich sister, by the way! – asked the lovely lady if she believed in gay marriage. Of course, she said no, Perez got his pocket hankie in a knot – and Miss California lost the contest!

First of all: why is a lavender laddie like Perez Hilton judging a female beauty contest? Isn’t that like letting an A-rab pick the Pope?

Second, why is he asking crazy questions about gay marriage? Whatever happened to asking about something unimportant, like “world peace”?
(Gays don’t like world peace cuz then we wouldn’t need soldiers in nice uniforms anymore!)

I don’t understand why Perez Hilton has a job when millions of Americans are out of work. He has a face for radio and a voice for print, but there he is, all over the place. He’s just a funny looking fat boy who I bet got bullied a lot as a kid and now he’s a bully himself.

Meanwhile, I think Our Lord is pretty happy with Miss California right now, except for the whole “going around in public in skimpy clothes”
part. And I hear she’s going out with that pothead swimmer guy, which doesn’t sound too Christian to me, either.

But Miss California will end up with her own tv show and a millionaire husband, and Perez Hilton will be left alone with his Liberace records and his pink poodle.

I’d sign up to slap the little tootie-fruity around – but I’m pretty sure he’d like it!

I’m madder than a drag queen who’s run out of duct tape over this gay marriage business.

Marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman – and one mother-in-law. If these namby-pambies get their druthers, the next step is same-sex in-laws!

Mark my words: every husband in America will have to have not one but TWO mothers in law, on the Supreme Court’s say so. Then men will be twice as wrong about everything, and driving too fast twice as often, too. Twice the nagging, twice the chores – and double the stink of Absorbine Jr you can’t get out of the damn house! (Why do you think they call it “Ben-Gay”? It’s all part of the conspiracy!)

You won’t be left out, wives. With TWO mothers in law, you’ll get twice the snide remarks about your “interesting” new hairdo or recipe for stuffing, and twice the “tsk tsks” when you reach for that second Krispy Kreme.

It’ll be equality gone crazy!

Those Gay Pride Parades were bad enough. My fellow Americans, the Man Upstairs didn’t mean for us to prance buck naked down Main Street U.S.A, in the fresh air and sunshine, playing disco music full blast. That’s why He gave us dark, smoky strip joints with sticky floors.

This all started when they put Paul Lynde in the center square. Ever since then, those gay libbers kept squeezing more K-Y onto the slippery slope, and America is going to hell in a fruit basket.

Soon our kids will be reciting the Pledge of Gay-legiance in school!

Call me a “homoglobin” if you will. But when they carve Cher’s face onto Mount Rushmore, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy was spotted taking part in Proposition 8 protests this past weekend.

All across the country, citizens united in protest of California’s Proposition 8 to strictly define marriage between a man and a woman, as well as other anti-same-sex marriage laws that were passed on November 4.

Bat Boy was seen outside City Hall with “PROP 8″ with an X through it painted across his chest. While Bat Boy was unable to convey his feelings through words, he did send his high-pitched squeaks of dissent echoing across the plaza.

Many mutants turned out for these protests. Mutant rights organizers explained that a number of mutants, such as the Manigator, are born from interspecial relations. Legalizing gay marriage is one step closer to allowing these unconventional unions to be officially recognized.

Manigator was not present at the rallies, as he was too busy getting “tore up” with his sewer alligator cousins.

NEW HAVEN, CT – The Chaos Cloud settled over New Haven City Hall yesterday in preparation for the start of official gay marriages.

Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman, one of the eight couples who successfully sued the state to allow same-sex marriage, received the first marriage license Wednesday morning. However, their photos may come out a little dark as the Chaos Cloud was hovering right above them.

Like some experts, the couple believes the Cloud is there to ward off potential anti-gay marriage demonstrators. “We don’t think the Cloud feels either way about same-sex marriages. We just think he’s here to keep the peace, so to speak,” said Barbara.