In this week’s installment, we examine the life of the most misunderstood of these lesser known saints.

We present:

Saint Francis A Sissy
Queen of All Queens

Saint Francis rose to prominence ministering to the poor of San Francisco.  Francis was cast out of his home by his parents for painting their tenement apartment powder blue.  In Saint Annie’s school for orphans he was always in trouble for cutting up and redesigning his school uniform.

Once in the priesthood Francis was renowned for his excellent touch in dealing with the poor.  In memory of his parents the outreach house was painted a bright mauve “so people could find it easier.”  When making food for the hungry, he turned three donated chickens and a pound of flour into enough brioche and tapas to feed 500.  It is said that he always sang while cooking and, even though he was often off key, birds and small woodland creatures would come in to assist him with the chores.

When a local gang threatened Saint Francis while he was fabric shopping, he dutifully turned the other cheek but did so with an impressive amount of sass.  The gang struck Francis, and before he could even get up the birds and small woodland creatures descended on the gang, devouring them piece by piece.

Today Saint Francis is celebrated as the saint of non-athletic types, designers, and sass.

You can pay homage to Saint Francis, or any of the forgotten saints, by updating your wardrobe and acquiring the Saint Misbehavin’ guide, lovingly created by NobleWorks.