I’m madder than Liberace in the ladies’ room! Nobody told me it was the International Year of the Fat Chick. First we all have to look at that Scottish lady singer wearing a dress made from her grandma’s drapes. Sure, she can really belt out a tune, but let’s face it: she’s no oil painting.

Now the Teleprompter Kid decides to put this Sotomayor woman on the Supreme Court. Can I “press #2” to say “No way”? These are lifetime appointments, which means we’re all stuck looking at her for another thirty years.

Hasn’t the Communist-in-Chief seen that Sandra Day O’Connor? They call her “Reagan’s Mistake” but at least O’Connor was fairly easy on the eyes, in a Grace Kelly kinda way. She aged pretty well, which is more than I can say for that Ruth Ginsberg, who reminds me of Dr. Zira from Planet of the Apes if she’d been an anorexic.

Sotomayor has said some pretty crazy things too, about Spanish ladies being smarter than white guys. That’s just nuts. Are you telling me they had Mexican maids on the Mayflower? Did a Porto-Rican cross the Delaware? No, this country was started up by old white guys like me, and that’s all I need to know!

If only McCain had won the election, then we could’ve had that Miss California on the Supreme Court! She could’ve gotten picked as a consolation prize for losing that beauty pageant on account of that little pansy, Perez Hilton.

Hey, wait a minute: that name “Perez” sounds foreign! Maybe this is all part of some Mexican plot to take over the U. S. of A. When they put up a Virgin Mary statue where Lady Liberty used to be, don’t say old Ed didn’t warn you!