CHICAGO – Oprah Winfrey announced that she will be broadcasting her first all-nude episode!

In a controversial two-hour long episode, Oprah Winfrey appears completely naked in front of her viewing audience. It is the first time the talk-show host as ever made a nude appearance on live TV.

But that’s not all. According to the show’s public relations representatives, not only will Oprah be naked, but the whole audience will be naked too!

“There won’t be one piece of clothing on or off the set that day,” said Suzy Alexander, Senior Marketing Advisor for the ABC Network. “Everyone’s going to be naked: Oprah, her guests, the audience – even the crew will naked!”

Scheduled guests for the episode include Megan Fox, Mila Kunis, Scarlett Johansson, and Rosie O’Donnell. They will all be naked.

According to Orpah’s public relations specialist, Judy Denfield, the episode is a response to recent allegations that Oprah is overweight. Several critics, mostly from American tabloids, say the snappy talk-show host has gained 40 pounds over the last six months.

“A lot of people say that Oprah is too fat to be a talk-show host,” said Denfield. “This is her way of fighting back.”

“Tyra Banks did the same thing three years ago when the tabloids accused her of being too fat,” added Denfield, “only she appeared in her bathing suit, not in her birthday suit. But you know Oprah – she’s always taking things to the next level.”

Oprah Winfrey has certainly been open about her weight problems in the past. Over the past 10 years, her weight has yo-yoed from 135 to 240 pounds.

Oprah told the Weekly World News that she wants overweight women across America to know that there is nothing wrong with them, or their naked bodies.

“Big women are beautiful women,” she wrote on her blog last night. “And to prove it, we’re doing an all-naked show! No clothes, no inhibitions, no worries!”

Beth-Anne Rozinsky, a psychologist at the Women’s Health and Counseling Center in Portland, Oregon, said that Oprah’s all-nude show is a step in the right direction for women’s health.

“Most women are ashamed of their bodies,” she said. “And it’s all the media’s fault. Girls grow up thinking that being beautiful means being rail-thin and six-feet tall, because that’s what they see on television.”

“But Oprah’s going to turn that idea on its head,” added Rozinksy. “She’s going to prove that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes!”

The episode, which has been deemed too mature for network television, will air in select regions on Pay-Per View this Friday.

[PHOTOS by BOY MACK]

NEW YORK, NY – Rosie O’Donnell may split from her spouse of 5 years.  world renowned therapist PhD Ape runs to the rescue.

News broke earlier this week that Rosie O’Donnell, comedienne and talk show host, has entered a “rough patch” with her partner Kelli Carpenter.  A tearful Rosie spoke to reporters only briefly, saying that they both were focusing on the well being of their children.  PhD Ape dropped what he was doing, mid-session with Amy Winehouse, and immediately came to Rosie’s aid.

PhD Ape has been a huge fan of O’Donnell for years.  Orignially the two met while Rosie was still a stand-up comic.  PhD Ape saw her performing at a small club in the San Fransisco area and loved her act.  Since then he has seen all of her movies, been at the tapings of many of her shows, and even acquired tickets to every awards program she has ever hosted.

After a quick transatlantic flight PhD Ape was by Rosie’s side offering to help during her time of crisis.  “Ms. O’Donnell is a artist and a professional who has given joy to countless millions” he told reporters who sprinted after him in LaGuardia Airport.  “I am here to offer my professional services while she is going through, this, difficult period.  Do any of you know where I can get a taxi?  Anyone?”  The Doctor of Psychology then jumped on top of a yellow cab that was already headed into Manhattan.

O’Donnell is believed to have spent most of Wednesday in Therapy with PhD Ape.  Whether this was individual or couples therapy cannot be said.  Secretaries for PhD Ape confirm that he has dropped all other appointments until this episode with O’Donnell is taken care of.

Just when you thought we had enough to worry about, there’s a new disease going around. This swine flu thing is coming up from Mexico, which makes me gladder than ever I do like every good American and mow my own damn lawn. I don’t eat their funny food or wear big straw hats, so I figure I’m safe.

We keep hearing reports from Mexican scientists – hell, I never knew they had scientists down there in the first place! What do they do all day? Predict when the Virgin Mary’s gonna show up again? Invent fart-free beans?

Last time we had swine flu, Jimmy Carter was President. He gave people needles and they dropped dead! Typical: Democrats are always trying to fix stuff by making it worse. Today we’ve got the new Jimmy Carter in the White House, so if the Teleprompter Kid tries to stick a needle in your arm, run for your life!

If we had a wall at the Mexican border, none of this would be happening. I bet that Janet Neapolitan will say the flu’s coming over the Canadian border instead, and call it “beaver flu”! Cuz we can’t make Mexico mad at us. After all, they may punish us by sending all their poor people to live here and steal our jobs and suck our schools and hospitals dry, and we can’t have that!

They say this new flu is spread by pigs. Maybe pigs are just ticked off at us for making footballs out of them, and comparing them to Rosie O’Donnell.

We should’ve seen this coming when Mama Cass choked on that ham sandwich! Pigs are getting their revenge on mankind, America! Wake up and smell the bacon!