Bella may prefer Edward to Jacob, but when it comes to Kristen Stewart, she’s Team Alien all the way.

In a recent interview with Weekly World News reporter, Tap Vann, Kristen revealed that she has always had an unusual connection to aliens – and now has several of them living her Beverly Hills home.  Vann suggested to Kristen that it might not be safe (or legal) for Kristen to keep aliens, but she said that she felt more comfortable with beings from other planets, than with people here on earth (particularly tabloid writers).  Kristen ran into the aliens at Club Space in South Beach, where they were literally dancing up a storm. All the aliens seem to be male – though it’s hard to tell because they don’t have bodies.

Many Twilight fans are scared that Kristen will be harmed by the aliens, but Kristen isn’t concerned at all. “Compared to werewolves and vampires, aliens are a lot nicer, a lot less violent and a lot funnier.  “They really know how to make a girl laugh!”  Just last week the aliens pulled a prank on Robert Pattinson – they abducted him, took him to the moon and “bothered” him until he stopped saying the word “bothered.”  Kristen was rolling on the floor laughing when they brought him back to earth.

Although the majority of Twilight fans are on Team Edward, and the rest on Team Jacob, Kristen feels strongly that Bella shouldn’t be with either one. “Bella should be on Team Alien, like me.”  Kristen went on to say that “Bella can attract the best-looking vampire and the best-looking werewolf in her high school and I know she could capture the attention of at least a few decent-looking humans as well, but what really would turn her on is hooking up with a couple of aliens, particularly red aliens without bodies.”

Kristen feels that it is ridiculous for girls to have only two choices: vampires or werewolves. Aliens are gentle, caring and they all have such big, beautiful eyes.  “And I like the fact that I don’t have to deal with a guy who sucks blood or who occasionally gets covered in gnarly hair and howls at the moon.  That’s boring to me.”

Kristen’s four aliens – Ethu, Orsi, Lhuc and Xip – are with her at all times and are looking forward to being on the set of her new movie, “On The Road,”  based on the Jack Kerouac novel.   Ethu said  he was a beatnik at heart and remembers playing bongos with Ken Kesey at Area 51 back in 1959.

There are persistent rumors that Kristen is in a romantic relationship with Robert Pattinson.  His publicist won’t confirm or deny the relationship, but she did say that ever since R-Patz  learned about the four aliens living in Kristen’s house, he has become insanely jealous and… bothered.

Weekly World News has confirmed that Ethu, Orsi, Lhuc and Xip will each have cameos in the final installment of the Twilight saga.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Seen at the exclusive New Moon movie premiere was America’s Favorite Mutant and die hard Twilight fan, Bat Boy!

Pictures have recently emerged placing adolescent mutant at the premiere and the after party, even though he wasn’t on any list.  Photographs plus several eyewitness accounts have been used to create a timeline for the evening.

Crammed in with all the other fans, Bat Boy waited for hours outside the red carpet to get a glimpse of the stars of New Moon.  By the time Robert Pattinson came through Bat Boy had worked his way towards the front.  Typically his unusual appearance, and ability to only speak in squeaks, offers him a wide berth in social gatherings, but the ravenous Twilight fans pushed him around like anyone else.

Said one Illinois mother, “Yeah I saw that crazy kid with the big eyes.  He started coming towards us all I thought was ‘Nobody’s keeping my little Ellen from getting an autograph.’  Then I thought ‘He better put a shirt on, there’s children here!’”

Pattinson, as he came through the red carpet, met with and signed autographs for as many fans as he could.  Upon seeing him Pattinson immediately recognized Bat Boy from a mall signing nearly a year ago.  Since then the actor has often been seen on the set of his vampire movies reading back issues of Weekly World News.  The young star spoke with Bat Boy for a minute, then motioned for security to let the young mutant through.  This nearly caused a riot among the other fans and security had to use tranquilizer darts on the crowd.  In the confusion, Robert Pattinson snuck Bat Boy into the theater.

Without a ticket bat Boy could not enjoy the movie from the auditorium.  Also the theater had a strict No Shirt No Shoes policy, especially for black tie events.  So Pattinson helped Bat Boy sneak into the catwalks above the theater.  From this vantage point Bat Boy was able to see the screen without obstruction, and could jump and dance and shreik with excitement throughout the film without bothering anyone.

Afterwards it is believed Pattinson snuck the young mutant into his limousine and brought him to the after party to introduce to the rest of the cast.  Witnesses confirmed that costars Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner were both startled upon meeting Bat Boy.  Ms. Stewart was heard to scream “Holy &#$! he’s real!” while jumping onto Lautner’s back and nearly knocking over a punch bowl.  Soon enough, Pattinson was taking his shirt off “to make Bat Boy feel more comfortable” and see who was more pale.  However everyone knew he did it for attention from girls.  Lautner followed by doing the same, and the three took several pictures together.

As the party wound down Stewart was seen talking alone with Bat Boy, venting her frustrations at fame and her busy work schedule.  Bat Boy listened with his enormous ears, but was still in shock either at being so near a movie star or to from talking to a pretty girl.  In either respect he attempted to cheer her up by making goofy faces.

Shortly before dawn the next day a tired yet jubilant Bat Boy was seen walking back home, catching mosquitoes in his mouth.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/13753/new-moon-premiere/feed/ 2 Reginald Cunningham III new_moon_premiere http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3816/bat-boy-lines-up-to-meet-twilight-star/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3816/bat-boy-lines-up-to-meet-twilight-star/#comments Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:32:50 +0000 Reginald Cunningham III http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3816 ]]>

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Whether he’s a fan of the books or just trying to make friends, Bat Boy was spotted waiting in line to meet the star of the upcoming film “Twilight”.

Robert Pattinson appeared at the King Prussia mall today to meet fans and sign memorabilia. His film is based on a popular book series that revolves around a love affair between a vampire boy and his high school human sweetheart.

Scientists are wondering if Bat Boy may be hitting that age where he is interested in romance.  Recently he was seen trying to find similar bat-people, so some are questioning why he was at the signing. Was he just confused by Pattinson’s bat-boy-like state in the film, or was he taken in by the books adolescent love story?

In any event, Bat Boy waited in line for eight hours to meet the actor.  Approaching the star, Bay Boy squeaked shyly, handing Pattinson a damp and slightly chewed copy of the book.  Patterson signed the book awkwardly and asked if he liked vampire stories, to which Bat Boy froze in fear then grabbed his book and ran away.

Bay Boy hid in the Old Navy accessory department crying, presumably angry at himself for getting so nervous.  Shortly thereafter he was approached by a group of girls his age who were fascinated in his vampire-like appearance.

The group was later seen in the food court, introducing Bat Boy to the A&W Root Beer Float.  Bat Boy spat it out and led the tweens outside to help him find his usual snack, mosquitoes.