PORTSMOUTH, NH -  Mitt Romney celebrated his New Hampshire win with his sister wives and dozens of children.

Mitt Romney, a devout Mormon,  swept to victory in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, turning back a ferocious assault from rivals who sought to disqualify him in the eyes of conservatives, in a contest that failed to anoint a strong opponent to slow his march to the Republican nomination.

Here’s Mitt Romney with his primary family:

Mr. Romney, a former governor of Massachusetts, won by a double-digit margin, a validation of his strategy to use his neighboring state to cement his standing as the front-runner. The candidates who had hoped to use the primary to emerge as his leading rival fared poorly, leaving a fractured Republican opposition.

“Tonight we celebrate. Tomorrow we go back to work,” said Mr. Romney, who strode into his victory party at Southern New Hampshire University less than 30 minutes after the final polls closed to present himself as the candidate to beat for the Republican nomination.

Another branch of the Romney family:

Mr. Romney had his entire Mormon family with him in New Hampshire.  There are estimates that Romney has nine “wives” and over a hundred children.  Those  estimates were reportedly last tallied by Newt Gingrich.

Here’s Romney on stage with another one of his families:

Mitt Romney is on course to become the first Mormon to secure the nomination to run for the White House.

Supporters of the former governor of Massachusetts have dismissed claims that his religious beliefs could hamper his presidential ambitions.  And the fact that Mr. Romney reportedly has “sister wives” doesn’t seem to affect voters.

Here’s yet another branch of the Romney family:

Mr Romney’s membership of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints has only briefly threatened to become an issue in the 2012 campaign.

Last year a pastor close to fellow candidate  Rick Perry said Mr Romney was “not a Christian” and described Mormonism as a “cult”.

At the time Romneysaid: “The great majority of Americans understand that this nation was founded on the principle of religious tolerance and liberty. Most people do not make their decision based on someone’s faith.”

As if to prove his point Mr Romney went on to win in Iowa and he leads the polls in South Carolina, both places with large evangelical Christian populations which are often said to be suspicious of the Mormon religion.

Here’s Romney and his “lead wife” in their Mormon underwear:

Joanna Brooks, the writer behind the Ask Mormon Girl blog, told WWN: “During the general election campaign we will see increased scrutiny of the Mormon faith.

“Most Americans are unfamiliar with what Mormons believe, so this increased publicity will go a long way towards creating greater understanding.

“But I don’t think his Mormonism will work against Romney in the voting booth. Partisan divisions are far stronger in the US than antipathy towards Mormonism.”

Newt Gingrich agrees.  “I think the fact that Mitt Romney has more children than the last 44 presidents, combined, will be a real deterrent to voters.  Plus, which wife will be the First Lady,” a source close to Gingrich said.

Another Romney wife had a baby last night, just before the polls closed in New Hampshire:

Mr Romney often talks about the time he spent in France as a young man, completing two years of traditional Mormon missionary duty.

His father George, who was governor of Michigan, sought the Republican nomination in the 1968 campaign and little mention was made of his Mormon faith before he lost out to Richard Nixon.

Mitt Romney’s faith did crop up during his failed 2008 campaign when he was criticised by rival Mike Huckabee, a Baptist minister, but formerNew Hampshire senator Judd Gregg says things will be different this time.

“Americans have fully embraced Mormonism, it will not be a problem at all,” said a source close to Gregg.

Tim Tebow had no comment.

WASHINGTON, DC – At this year’s CPAC, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele attempted to settle their feud over Republican Party leadership with a mud wrestling match. 

Michael Steele has taken umbrage with the many criticisms from Limbaugh on how he has performed as Chair of the Republican National Committee.  The two decided to air their grievances once and for all in an American rules mud wrestling match on the closing night of the Conservative Political Action Conference.

“We hoped this would get conservatives excited, and unified behind one leader” said David Keene, organizer of the event.

Three massive convention rooms were packed to capacity to see the clash of conservative titans.  Representatives from every state were in attendance, including scores of college students who were getting excited about the politics of traditional values for the first time.

The opponents took to the stage to cheers and music.  Michael Steele ran to the stage giving high fives to the music “Momma said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J.  Rush Limbaugh rode to the stage in a convertible golf cart, smoking a cigar and waving an American flag while “Eye of the Tiger” played.

The opponents agreed to rules set out by a referee, then went at it.  Crowd went wild watching their figureheads duel it out.  The mood changed quickly, however, when Steele’s dignified grey suit was ripped off and Limbaugh lost his polo shirt and pleated khakis.  The half naked mud covered men continued to wrestle for another fifteen minutes, all projected in high definition screens mounted throughout the area.

After several claims of cheating and four “time outs” the fight was called.  Once the clothes came off, no one, including the referee, wanted to look close enough to see if rules were being broken so the fight was called as a draw.

Official leadership of the Republican Party is still up in the air and conflict within the party continues.  On his radio show Monday, Limbaugh proclaimed the fight was a victory for his side.  Like all other Republicans who argue with Limbaugh, Steele has since apologized, for reasons yet unknown, claiming it was all a “misunderstanding.”

MEMPHIS, TN – Ending the year on a high note, PhD Ape has announced he will meet with the man who distributed a racist song to RNC members.

Former Tennessee GOP Chairman Chip Saltsman, who is now running for Chairman of the RNC, distributed a mix CD of joke songs to RNC members whose votes he is courting. The track “Barack the Magic Negro” has put Saltsman into the national spotlight.

“Some people are calling him a racist,” PhD Ape said in a brief statement upon departing his charter flight in Memphis. “But I don’t believe that’s the case. He has a keen sense of humor and knows how to use seemingly controversial rhetoric to encourage a dialogue. Which is exactly what we’re doing now.”

“How can anyone call the Republican Party racist? There are four Latinos in the Party, at least one Asian American, and some African Americans. And only one member of the Palm Beach County Republican Executive Committee is in the KKK. Those are good numbers.”

Although Democrats have united in condemning Saltsman, members of the GOP are split between denouncing of the song and support for a longtime party member.

PhD Ape concluded his statement saying, “Like Mike Huckabee said, I believe that Chip would never intentionally disparage anyone. This is all just a big misunderstanding.”

“Many in the GOP believe that the song was playful and not hurtful because the election of Barack Obama has brought an end to racism.”

BY THE SEA, HONAH LEE – Amid the controversy surrounding an RNC member’s racist song, Puff the Magic Dragon has finally stepped forward to take a stand.

Chip Saltsman, a GOP strategist seeking to be the next chairman of the Republican National Committee, recorded and distributed to committee members a CD called “We Hate the USA” containing songs ridiculing liberals. But one parody, “Barack the Magic Negro”, set to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon”, has attracted the most controversy.

Peter Yarrow, one of the Puff song writers, has written of his disapproval, stating “Puff, himself, if asked, would certainly agree” that Saltsman should not be considered for the chairman position.

Puff has now stepped forward to declare his unhappiness. “I was frolicking in the autumn mist when little Jackie brought me my usual strings and sealing wax. He slipped in the daily paper, and I roared when I read what this Saltsman nitwit had done!”

He angrily blew smoke out of his nostrils. “Honah Lee is a magical land of inclusion, as stated in Constitutional Amendment 4 concerning non-discrimination. If I ever see that mooncalf, I’m taking him out sailing and only one of us is coming back, you know what I’m saying?”

Puff then cut the interview short to continue his allotted frolicking for the day.