NEVADA – Prostitutes in Nevada are campaigning for Ron Paul and they are holding fundraising events at the Bunny Ranch.

DALLAS, TX – Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, announced the White House’s plan to deport 15 million Republicans to Mexico.

WASHINGTON, DC – This weekend, former Vice President Dick Cheney said Rush Limbaugh was his model Republican.

BATON ROUGE, LA – After their crushing defeat in November the Republican Party was left with no clear leader. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal hopes to fill the power vacuum, and has entered talks with Satan to do just that.

WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire. Holding a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”