BEIJING – A new makeover TV show in China guarantees to make women “pretty” and “perfect.”

“Beauty Class”, a realty TV show in China has generated a lot of buzz around the world.  It’s generating a lot of posts on Twitter and on Weibo – China’s Twitter equivalent.

“Beauty Class” allows women to reinvent themselves – they can go from an ugly duckling to a white swan.

A show promo states:  “Afraid to wear low-cut tops? Afraid to wear miniskirts? No problem, let us teach you how to change into an S-figure, to cultivate you into a charming collection, transform you into an perfect woman.”

And the Chinese are experts and making “things” perfect.

The show has many detractors who say it is merely a parade of scantily-dressed women for TV viewers to ogle.

Many men said they would be keen to watch such a show, while others felt the women are demeaning themselves for the sake of being in the spotlight.

What do you think?

DOWN SOUTH – Our worst nightmares have come true and a new show is being made in the likeness of the Jersey Shore!

It’s only the second season of the Jersey Shore, but the cast has already bestowed numerous priceless revelations onto society. The art of G-T-L is being perfected across the nation (that’s gym, tan, laundry for you rookies). Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s abs and Pauly D’s hair have become entirely separate entities. Creepin, the shirt before the shirt and the list goes on.

Jersey Shore has been such a hit, that it has given way to the idea of creating a spin-off show along the same lines. The producer of Jersey Shore is teaming up with Comedy Central to create the new party-going reality show. Oh the agony!

Sally Ann Salsano’s 495 Prods, is shooting footage for a proposed series billed as a more comedic, Southern version of her “Jersey” format.

The current working title is “Party Down South” and Comedy Central has emerged as its home. Comedy Central hasn’t exactly pumped out reality shows, but given Jersey Shore’s success, this idea could be a winner for the station.

“It’s no ‘Redneck Jersey Shore,’” an insider said. “We’re looking to have viewers laughing with the cast, not at them. We want a cast of funny people with stories to tell.”

The project is still at the very-early stages, so the network isn’t ready to comment officially. Programming executives soon will decide whether to continue, which could mean a direct-to-series order.

WERNERSVILLE, PA – As the media attention grows surrounding allegations of infidelity, Jon and Kate Gosselin have asked for professional help from PhD Ape!

“I’ve actually been a fan of the show for a long time,” PhD Ape told reporters camped outside of the Gosselin’s mansion compound in rural Pennsylvania.  “I was flipping channels one night and happened upon TLC.  I see all these little children running around, and two frantic parents just trying to keep up.”

“When little Leah walks up to the camera and tells the audience that Hannah pooped in her ‘unnah-wears’, I was hooked!”

“I actually reached out to Jon and Kate during their second season, not that they seemed to be having problems, but just letting them know about my services and experience working with celebrities.”

Now a few years later, the Gosselin’s have reached out to PhD Ape.

For the past several weeks, the famous parents have been battling allegations of infidelity on the part of Jon with a young schoolteacher, and claims that Jon has actually been estranged from the family for weeks at a time, living with his mother in a nearby town.

While the brother of the teacher has verified the claims, Jon and Kate have adamantly denied them, while confirming turmoil in their relationship.

More recently, allegations have emerged that Kate has begun a torrid love-affair with her silver-haired bodyguard who accompanies Kate whenever she leaves the house.  Kate and her bodyguard have spent a great deal of time away from the family while on her book tours, promoting her non-fiction work that details the grueling life of a mother of eight.

“I’ve always said that the two most difficult jobs in the world are being a parent, and being a celebrity,” PhD Ape said.  “Just imagine how difficult that makes it to be a celebrity because you are a parent!”

“Without their children, Jon and Kate would not be famous, so the need to stay together, to work through these difficult times for the sake of their children and their status, is essential.”

“I’ll be spending at least the weekend, perhaps through Memorial Day, with the Gosselins, getting to know John and Kate, as well as Maddy, Kara, Leah, Hannah, Alexis, Joel, Colin, and of course little bespectacled Aaden.”

“Jon was very young when he married Kate, only 22, by the time he was 27 he was the father of eight.  When I turned 27 I was still sewing my wild oats and just starting a drug-fueled romp through Grad School.  You can’t blame him for having wandering eyes, but it’s how he deals with it now that counts.”

“We’ve all seen the show, we know Kate isn’t perfect.  She is shrewd and overbearing at times but we’re here to work through this and come out on top for the sake of the children.  Those adorable little goldmines that may not be adorable forever.”

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon Gosselin has spent weeks battling allegations that he cheated on his wife Kate.  But Weekly World News has finally uncovered his strange affair – with 8 clowns!

Jon and Kate Gosselin star in the popular TLC reality show “Jon and Kate plus 8”, which chronicles their life as parents of 7 year old twins and 4 year old sextuplets.

Since US magazine broke the story last week there has been a frenzy of allegations and denials in attempting to discover the truth.

Weekly World News reporters, however, have finally uncovered definitive photographic proof of the Jon Gosselin affair.

Last weekend, Jon Gosselin was seen entering a hotel room with 8 female circus performers.  The women are believed to have been part of a touring production of Cirque du Soleil.

Pictures clearly show Jon entering a room trying to avoid being recognized.  The room was registered to a “Pepper Freckles” who checked in only one hour before.

A security guard, who wishes to remain anonymous, says during the next three hours several guests complained about noises from that room, including loud repetitive squeaking and occasional rounds of applause.  During that time he once saw Jon out of the room getting ice; he had multicolored face paint on his collar and appeared to be walking funny, most likely from the oversized shoes he was wearing.  The guard then saw a female clown lean out of her room and beckon Gosselin back with a large and inappropriately shaped balloon.

Hours later Jon was seen outside of the room, weeping to his clown lovers.  He began yelling and it became clear he was desperate for them to take him with them.  The clowns refused flatly, and used seltzer bottles to make him let go of their legs.  Through tears he watched the 8 women pile into one small car and drive away.

Spokespeople for Jon Gosslin have yet to comment on these most recent allegations.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the hit reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, have added one supersized mouth to their family this holiday season: Tonya!

The parents of eight children, 7-year-old twin girls and 4 year-old sextuplets, caved to the increasing pressure of their children to adopt a pet.  Originally expecting to get a medium to large sized dog, the Gosselin’s changed their plans after being introduced to Tonya at a summit for reality TV show stars.

“Jon looked over and saw Tonya being interviewed by at least 6 different reporters at one time,” Kate said in a press release, “he immediately knew that if she could handle that many members of the press, she could totally deal with eight screaming, grabby children.”

When asked about their decision to adopt a giant cat instead of a dog, Jon told reporters, “We hadn’t considered a cat originally.  Size was very important to us.  Having eight kids, we knew we wanted an animal that all of them could pay attention to at the same time.  The problem with a cat or rabbit or small dog is that only one kid could hold it or pet it.  With Tonya, that isn’t going to be a problem.  When she lays on her back, all six of the little kids can lay on Tonya with room to spare.”

Longtime fans of Tonya’s who have followed her recent performances on Top Chef and Biggest Loser, were surprised to hear that she is taking a break from reality competitions to guest star on the much tamer TLC show.

Through her spokesperson, Tonya responded, “If you have ever seen the program, you know that Kate knows how to cook big meals.  And we all know Tonya loves big meals.  She also loves a challenge.  And being manhandled by 16 little sticky hands just might be the most challenging thing Tonya has ever done.”

Rumors that Tonya is actually only interested in eating the young Gosselin children have been widely disputed.  Both Tonya’s representation and TLC have promised defamation of character lawsuits to “anyone who continues to spread such vile accusations.”

LOS ANGELES, CA – PhD Ape was called in by VH1 to host a new celebrity rehab show.

PhD Ape, the world’s smartest primate, was asked to help the overwhelmed Dr. Drew Leary give psychological treatment to addicted celebrities.

Dr. Drew, who has his own celebrity rehabilitation show, was attacked by Gary Busey during a standard therapy session last week.  Busey was on the verge of a breakthrough when he suddenly pounced on Dr. Drew pinning him to the floor.  Cameras continued to roll as Gary Busey held down the doctor for 20 minutes, slapping him in the face while providing motivational “Busey-isms.”   

Producers saw the need for a world class psychotherapist who also weighs 350 lbs and could rip a phonebook in half.  PhD Ape was very hesitant at first but agreed to come in and film the pilot episode. 

A pilot was taped in Los Angeles earlier this week.  Filming included several hours of intense therapy, requiring several boxes of tissues, three tranquilizer darts and two ice cream sundaes.  Eventually cameras caught the tear-filled breakthrough they were waiting for wherein Busey apologized to Dr. Drew and poured out his remaining bottles of alcohol.     

When asked if his show had been picked up, PhD Ape responded, “Yes, the executives were interested but I turned down their offer.  Right now I would rather focus my energies on a more traditional practice.”

Gary Busey was last seen towing a cannon towards the Mexican border.