HAVANA – Fidel Castro admitted that the Cuban system doesn’t work and hopped a raft for America.

Fidel Castro told an American journalist that the Cuban economic model doesn’t work. The former Cuban president made the jaw-dropping comment to WWN.  The ailing Cuban leader’s remarks came almost as an aside over lunch recently in Havana.

“The Cuban model doesn’t even work anymore, and never has,” Castro told WWN.   We were stunned by his comment and were not sure we heard him correctly so asked the interpreter if Castro was, in fact, denouncing the Cuban Revolution and his five decades of dictatorship.

“Yes,” Juanita Hidalgo, Castro’s interpreter said.  “He has rejected the ideas of the Revolution and was acknowledging that the Cuban model is wrong and has always been wrong.  The state should not have a big role in the economic life of this country or any country.”

Castro went on to say that he felt President Barack Obama, was turning America into Cuba.  “He is a dictator, like myself.  But he is growing the government too big.  It will destroy America as a world power.”  Castro went on to denounce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for his views on the “Jews.”  He also denounced Mel Gibson.  “The man is a fool.  I ordered my people to destroy all Mel Gibson films in Cuba.  Except Braveheart.  I love Braveheart.”

Castro, faced with the dilemma of renouncing the Cuban government, while still being its de facto leader, decided to hop on a raft and head for Miami.  “He just left the building and had his driver take him to the beach.  He hopped on a raft with about thirty other Cubans looking for freedom,” Hidalgo said.

Castro, though sick for years, still needed five Cubans to counter-balance him on the other side of the makeshift raft.  Cubans lined the beaches and watched Castro and his crew float away toward America.

Raul Castro, Fidel’s brother and the President of the Cuban Council of State, was deciding whether to send the army out to sea to get his brother.  “My brother has lost his mind.  The Cuban way of life is the best in the world, just ask Michael Moore.”   Several reporters challenged Raul on his assertion, but before he could answer the reporters were taken outside and shot.

“Never trust the media. That’s the first rule for any good government,” said Raul.

Fidel Castro is expected to wash ashore in Miami this Saturday.   First one to spot him wins… Gloria Estefan’s latest CD!

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama is opening the door to Cuba.  The two countries will settle their differences once and for all in a Prime Time Tango dance-off.

President Barack Obama has lifted restrictions on Americans visiting family in Cuba.  This marks the first time in 50 years America has eased restrictions with Cuba, and is a key first step towards what many hope will be more normalized relations with the island country.

The idea for this came when the Obamas unexpectedly met with Fidel Castro in Turkey last week.  Sources close to the President confirm that a secret dinner was held, in which the Cuban leader thanked them for allowing him to meet the Alien.

After many laughs, drinks, and cigars, the world leaders were well on their way to putting their differences behind them.  When a particularly rousing song came on, Fidel Castro asked Michelle Obama to dance, and led her across the floor in a sensuous Tango.  Seeing the blatant challenge by the former Cuban Dictator, President Obama was left to sit and watch as he did not know the dance.

The Cuban-American grudge, which started with the Cuban Missile Crisis and only fueled by Fidel Castro dancing with the President’s wife, will finally be settled once and for all on in a Tango competition on prime time television.  Each country will select their greatest champions to dance on their behalf.  A team of impartial mystery judges will be flown in for the competition.  The location of the will be kept secret until the last minute, but is expected to be in Trinidad or Tobago.

Michelle Obama has refused to comment on being swept away by the communist leader.  However she has been spotted reading several romance novels in the past week.