WASHINGTON – President Obama announced yesterday that he is canceling the midterm elections, due to the jobs crisis.

CHICAGO – Federal authorities have alerted residents that a large contingent of werewolves is headed for the Windy City.

PIMA COUNTY, AZ – The U.S. Department of Interior has released a Chupacabra into Arizona in an attempt to get them to repeal their new immigration law.

CHICAGO – After Rod Blagojevich was found guilty on 17 counts today, he tried to bribe the judge in court.

CHICAGO – Every state is reporting massive voter fraud in today’s midterm elections.

WASHINGTON – On the first night of the White House Dance Series, the White House introduced its own dance troupe, Hip-Potus.

MARICOPA COUNTY – The Department of Justice had Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio arrested and deported yesterday.

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama decided the Oval Office needed a major “change.”

DETROIT – Out-of-work Americans are signing up in record numbers for a new union, the Union of Unemployed Americans.

CHICAGO – On the same night jurors acquitted former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich of all but one charge, they won the $64 million Powerball lottery.