Here’s ten little known fun facts about Dear Leader.

1.  A former chef said staff had to make sure the grains of rice he ate were the same size and color.

2.  He kidnapped two South Korean film directors in 1978 because he thought all the filmmakers in his own country were awful.  He was a film buff with a reported collection of 20,000 foreign films. Loved Rambo.  He also made a number of short films and one of his subordinates posted them to Funny or Die – which turned out to be a big mistake for the subordinate.

3.  When he had to take painkillers after falling off a horse, he made a handful of his staff take the same medication. He also made the horse take the pain medication – and his dogs

4.  He imported more than $500,000 worth of Hennessy per year and insisted that things like roast donkey and live lobsters be flown in fresh to his train during travels.   He also liked to eat pit bulls – and requested that the finest pit bulls from America be flown in for him to eat.   Meanwhile, his people starved.

5. His official bio at various times claimed he was the world’s greatest golfer (five holes-in-ones on his very first round!), could control the weather with his mood, and … did not defecate.  That’s right.  He never pooped – not once in his life.  He was the first non-pooper in human history.   And his urine?  Well, they say it was gold, pure gold.

6.  In 2010 Kim Jong-Il banned the World Cup from being broadcast in North Korea unless the national team won. The communist country’s state-run TV stations were ordered not to broadcast live matches or games involving other nations, with only heavily edited highlights of North Korean victories permitted to be screened.  If the national Korean team every DID lose, he would have them come to his palace, take off all their clothes and lie face down on the palace floors for days.  He would “prod them” with a Dear Leader pole once a day.

7.  Upset by the lack of film-makers in his native land, in 1978 Kim arranged for two South Korean directors to be kidnapped from Hong Kong and brought to him. They tried to escape but eventually relented, making a string of movies for him including the cult Godzilla rip-off  Pulgasari.

8.   As well as being something of a foodie, Kim knew his booze. According to Hennessy, Kim was one of their single biggest customers, importing $800,000 worth of the cognac every year.

9.   Dear Leader was obsessed with Katy Perry.  He often danced around his palace singing “I Kissed A Girl”.  He sent Perry numerous love letters and sent a North Korean spy team to England to steal her away from Russel Brand.  They never made it – and instead defected to Portugal.

10.  One of his unofficial titles was The Central Brain.   He often said that his brain was ten times bigger than Einstein’s and told sources close to him that President Obama’s brain was the smallest of any leader on the planet.

And here’s a few more on video:

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA -  State media declared last night that Kim Jong-il is dead… killed by the hands of  Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has had quite a year – he killed Osama Bin Laden AND Muammar Gaddafi, he last night he snuck into North Korea and killed Dear Leader Kim Jong II.

Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s mercurial and enigmatic longtime leader, was 69.

In a “special broadcast” Monday from the North Korean capital, state media said Kim died of a heart ailment on a train due to a “great mental and physical strain” on Dec. 17 during a “high intensity field inspection.”

But WWN learned from sources inside North Korea that an autopsy done on Dec. 18  “fully confirmed” that Kim Jong-il died from a single knife wound to the heart.

How do they know it was Chuck Norris who stabbed Kim Jong II?

“Authorities found the knife that killed Kim Jong-il in his room.  On the knife were fingerprints matched to Chuck Norris,” a North Korean source told WWN.

Kim is believed to have suffered a stroke in 2008, but he had appeared relatively vigorous in photos and video from recent trips to China and Russia and in numerous trips around the country carefully documented by state media. The communist country’s “Dear Leader” – reputed to have had a taste for cigars, cognac and gourmet cuisine – was believed to have had diabetes and heart disease.

But, he was always accompanied with the best doctors in North Korea and was taking medication to deal with both his diabetes and heart disease – so there was no reason that he should pass away so suddenly.

President Obama had no comment on Kim Jong death, but sources inside the White House told WWN that Norris was on a Black Ops mission, working with Navy Seals.  “The President wanted to get Kim Jong before the end of 2011.  He wanted to complete the evil dictator trifecta,” the source said.

A White House spokesperson told WWN that President Obama feels that he is the greatest president in the history of the United States in terms of dealing with dictators.  “President Obama wanted to rid the world of evil and now he has done so… with the help of Chuck Norris.”

Chuck Norris was also not available for comment, and his publicist is denying any involvement by Norris in the murder of Kim Jong II.  But WWN has confirmed with multiple sources – Chuck Norris killed Kim Jong II.

“It is the biggest loss for the party … and it is our people and nation’s biggest sadness,” an anchorwoman clad in black Korean traditional dress said in a voice choked with tears. She said the nation must “change our sadness to strength and overcome our difficulties.”

The news came as North Korea prepared for a hereditary succession. Kim Jong Il inherited power after his father, revered North Korean founder Kim Il Sung, died in 1994.

Chuck Norris reportedly parachuted into North Korea, ran through Dear Leader’s private residence, quickly found and identified the North Korean leader and stabbed him in the heart.

“He was gone before anyone even knew he was there,” said a source close to the Black Ops mission.  “Nobody could have done what Chuck Norris did.  He’s an American hero.”

On the way out of the compound, Norris was confronted by ten North Korean guards.   Norris reportedly used all his martial arts technique – and his AK-47 – to wipe out the guards.  He then ran to the top of the building and grabbed hold of a ladder attache to a rescue helicopter.

“It was a precision operation and Norris executed the plan perfectly,” said a source close to the Navy Seals.

Dear Leader has been able to control an entire nation -  a nation that fears him.  But Chuck Norris is not afraid of anything.  Chuck Norris is a God.    Who will Chuck Norris get next?

Here’s how Norris usually takes on many bad guys at once:

LOS ANGELES – Bill Clinton returns to the US with freed North Korean prisoners.  Weekly World News has acquired a transcript of his exchange with Kim Jong Il.

This morning former President Bill Clinton returned on a plane with two American journalists who had been taken prisoner for entering North Korea illegally.  Their release was brokered by Clinton in a private meeting he had with the North Korean leader Kim Jong Il.

Last week Bill Clinton took it upon himself to fly to North Korea without the blessing of the White House or Washington DC.  Flying into Pyonyang the President met with Kim Jong Il to broker the release of the two American prisoners.

Kim Jong Il was pleased to meet with the former President, and was ready to turn the situation to his advantage.  Clinton was briefed by intelligence about Jong Ils interests and pastimes.  The two first made small talk in one of the royal palaces.  Then Jong Il showed Clinton through his personal library of music memorabilia.  Contained within the collection are first editions of Beatles albums, the coin tossed to put Ritchie Vallens on his fatal flight with Buddy Holly, and a mason jar filled with the soul of Robert Johnson.

Seeing an advantage Clinton offered some rare Elvis memorabilia in exchange for the journalists.  Secret Service agents produced the last sequined jumpsuit ever worn by The King in concert.  Then they produced an identical replica Clinton had made before leaving, which was fit to Kim Jong Ils measurements.  Jong Il was very pleased at this offering.  To further sweeten the deal, and to get Jong Ils promise to renew discussions on nuclear weapons, Clinton even threw in rare photographs of Elvis during his first black belt Karate test.  These are some of the only known photographs to show a fully grown Elvis being thrown around like a rag doll.

Within hours Clinton was on a plane with the two released journalists.  He and the two young ladies were said to enjoy the ride on his private jet, which is the only Former Presidential jet to be equipped with its own dance floor.

Kim Jong Il is said to still be running through his palatial home, wearing his Elvis replica jumpsuit and practicing Karate.

NEW YORK, NY – No doubt that most in America have heard of the NCAA tournament, if not gotten involved in an office pool, online contest, or friendly wager. Even President Obama filled out a bracket, where (true to Democratic form) he picked a ‘blue state school’ to win it, North Carolina. ESPN covered Bam’s picks with a segment called ‘Barack-otology’.

What most don’t know, however, is that the tourney has always been global, and the world’s foremost leaders and tyrants also get a case of March Madness.

Former British PM Tony Blair notoriously always picked Duke for his Final Four, noting it ‘seemed like the English thing to do’.  Pol Pot may have been a brutal leader, but that basketball savant once won a small fortune with Indiana in ’76.  And departed dictator Saddam Hussein once reportedly imprisoned every mid-major in his Army after heavily favored Arizona lost to a Colonial Conference team in the 2nd round.

And this year is no different.  According to anonymous sources found on a college blog, North Korea’s Kim Jong Il (a noted NBA fan) is having a helluva run in this year’s tourney, with 15 of 16 teams still alive, and his entire Final Four intact.  Said Kim, through an unconfirmed spokesman, “That Louisville game almost f***ed me.  And thank your ill-chosen God that I picked Zona.”

When pressed on how sports might help thaw relations between North Korea and US, Kim hesitated, and then conceded, “If Pitt beats Memphis in the final… I promise I’ll stop nuclear testing for at least a week.  See, I’m not unreasonable.”

Then, when asked if he would attend this year’s championship game in Detroit, if he had a shot to win, the little ball of hate replied, “Pyongyang is no treat, but it’s better than Motown.  Oh, and as to will I win my pool?  I’m the supreme commander, I always win.”

Kim continued, but his response was muffled by the maniacal laughter that all tyrants must have.

MISSOULA, MT – Kim Jong Il was seen performing in the most unlikeliest of places.

The Triple Deuce, a rural bar just outside Missoula, was visited by the dictator of communist North Korea last Thursday. Kim Jong Il attended the weekly open mic night, playing an acoustic set of blues and country standards with a few songs he wrote about his time on the road.

In the past few months, Korean authorities have come under fire for covering for their missing leader.  News agencies and governments have been skeptical of the military’s excuses, especially after obviously faked photos were released by North Korea’s official news agency.

Pyongyang’s Minister of Truth stated via phone, “Of course Our Dear Leader is here! He wouldn’t gallivant around the United States for months at a time and never call.  Absurd! He’s here right now!”

When asked if Weekly World News could speak to Kim, the Minister replied, “Just one moment. Dearest Leader, there’s a phone call for- Oh, sorry, he’s too busy teaching orphans to read.  That’s our Glorious Leader!” and then promptly hung up.

Kim Jong Il played a fifteen minute set including “Walk the Line” by Johnny Cash, “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You”, and songs he wrote titled “Sovereign Highway Rambler” and “Lonely at the Top of Mount Paektu”.

Crowds were unsure of how to react to the singing dictator.  Receiving mostly polite applause, he held back tears as he finished his final song and walked off the stage.  After paying for his two ginger ales, he left the bar.

The American government is unsure of what Kim Jong Il may be doing here or where he is going on his tour of the United States. State Department insiders believe he may be working on a solo album.  He was last seen heading south on I-15.