FEDS BUST ALIEN COCK FIGHTING RING

LOS LUNAS, NM – Federal Agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives raided an underground warehouse used to stage alien cock fighting.

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MCCAIN-BORG UPGRADES FOR DEBATE

DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems.

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KEATING FIVE REUNITE FOR BASKETBALL GAME

WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain took a few hours out of his busy campaign schedule to attend the annual basketball game that reunites “The Keating Five.”

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