In honor of his birthday, Weekly World News presents 15 strange facts about Dr. Seuss that you may have never heard before!

1. Dr. Seuss’ real name was Theodor Seuss Geisel

2. After being caught at a drinking party during the Prohibition era, Theodor was forced to continue writing for Dartmouth’s paper under a pseudonym. Thus, Dr. Seuss was born

3. Although he is famous for his children books, he never had any children himself

4. During World War II, Seuss wrote short propaganda films for the United States War Department such as “Your Job in Germany”, to be shown to soldiers about to go overseas into foreign cultures

5. He also drew political cartoons during the War for a left-wing newspaper, including one that depicted all Japanese-Americans as latent traitors

6. After the war ended, Seuss had a change of heart and wrote “Horton Hears a Who” as an allegory for the American post-war occupation of Japan

7. Seuss had a closet next to his studio filled with hats sent to him from children around the world

8. “Green Eggs and Ham” was written on a dare, after a publisher bet him $50 he couldn’t write a book using only 50 different words

9. Seuss was descended from a long line of German brewmasters on his father’s side

10. Seuss Landing, an area of Universal Studios theme park made especially for small children, does not feature a single straight line anywhere in keeping with Seuss’ vision

11. “Cat in the Hat” was written to promote literacy, after a 1954 report on illiteracy concluded that children found books to be boring

12. Before President Richard Nixon resigned, Seuss rewrote one of his books to declare, “Richard M. Nixon, Will You Please Go Now!” and released it to major newspapers

13. After the failure of the live-action film adaptation of “Cat in the Hat” and it’s risqué content, Seuss’ widow has banned any future live-action films being made, declaring them too difficult to monitor

14. The “Butter Battle Book” is an anti-war story, and specifically challenged Reagan’s decision to put defense ahead of social welfare programs during the Cold War

15. “Horton Hears a Who” is often referenced by pro-life groups for recurring phrase “a person’s a person, no matter how small”. His widow discouraged this, and Seuss himself threatened to sue a group for using his words on their stationery

I’m madder than Lindsay Lohan with a stuffed up nose about that moron Matt Damon.

That stupid movie star called right wing pundit Bill Kristol an “idiot.” Now some internet guy says he’ll pay Matt Damon $100,000 to debate Kristol. Kristol said sure. Matt Damon? Well, he clammed up all of a sudden!

What a pansy! Lord knows Matt could use the money, since he couldn’t even cough up 50 grand to go to his beloved Communist-in-Chief’s Inaugural (which I just heard through the computer machine is Latin for “pagan litter festival.”)

Anyway, I’ve got an even better idea.

Matt Damon plays a secret agent in a bunch of movies, so I figure a better match for him than Bill Kristol would be the great G. Gordon Liddy.

That’s right! You ignorant young folks think Mr. Liddy is that old bald guy with the big moustache who yells at you to buy gold on TV. But long ago, “the G-Man” broke into the Watergate building to steal some crazy commie traitor’s medical records. Then he wouldn’t narc on his boss, President Nixon, so he went to jail.

Liddy’s spent 100 days in solitary. He’s also a crack shot, rode to Sturgis with the Hell’s Angels and survived Catholic school. As a kid, the G-Man ate a dead rat’s charbroiled butt just to see if he could. Today, at 92, Liddy can still hold his hand over a candle flame for something like three whole hours without even blinking.

And Matt Damon? Well, he pretends to do brave stuff in the movies and wears a lot of goop in his hair.

FLAMMABLE goop, Mr. Giddy.

Just trying to help out a fellow patriot.

I’m madder than a schoolteacher with a rotten apple over the big hubbub about kids cheating in school. A government study that just came out says 70 percent – seven of 10 – high school students fessed up that they cheat on tests. And crybaby teachers say the real figure is probably much higher than 70 percent – and climbing every day. Thank heavens, I say!

It’s about time we got back to what made America great. Ever since President Nixon got caught telling some fibs back in the 1970s, Americans have been all tied up in knots trying to tell the truth all the time and never cheating or lying. And it’s killing our country, by jiminey.

Do you think great Americans like Teddy Roosevelt and Gen. George Patton worried about lying every time they talked to the troops before charging into battle? No way, Jose. And you know that famous picture of John Wayne raising the flag at Iwo Jima? That happened a week after the battle was over – it was all just a posed photo session. And what about the glorious old cheating scandals we used to have at West Point and the Air Force Academy? Back in those days, a great scandal like that would be front-page news for weeks at a time.

Nowadays people would be afraid to even mention it. Our biggest problem in this country is that we have too many dag-blamed rules in the first place. A man can’t drive down the street without being pulled over for having his seat belt buckled wrong or not yielding to a school bus when approaching a six-way intersection or something stupid like that.

Back in the Bible days, even God needed only 10 rules. And according to my preacher, some of those commandments, like the one about not casting the first stone, aren’t really that important if you don’t get caught breaking them.

Americans have a long and proud history of cheating. What do you think the Boston Tea Party and the Revolutionary War were all about? Our forefathers were fed up with all the stupid rules the King of England was shoving down their throats. Remember when George Washington said he couldn’t tell a lie about cutting down the cherry tree? Well, that whole cherry-tree story was a big fat lie that George made up to trick folks into thinking he was super honest.

In some countries, you know, cheating is a national sport. I say if only 70 percent of kids are cheating in school, then we need to do something to teach the other 30 percent how to get on the bandwagon. Why not go all out and start cheating classes in our schools – beginning with the first grade, by gum.

Teach the future leaders of this great country how to get around the idiotic rules that seem to be multiplying faster than we can count ‘em. Start with teaching them the right way to fill out those pesky tax forms. I guarantee you that learning how to save a few bucks at tax time will prove a lot more valuable than learning that A plus B equals C in algebra or calculus.

And when we’re all cheating, our great nation will be back on the right track again. I guarantee it.