PHILADELPHIA – They’re closing off the streets here so that toads – in heat – are safe from traffic.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – As temperatures neared 100 Monday, after hovering in the high 90s for most of the week, a Southside alien was taken to Mercy Hospital suffering from heatstroke.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – The New York Yankees have attributed their Halloween win to Bat Boy.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Police are attempting to uncover who wrapped a cat in duct tape and abandoned it!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon Gosselin has spent weeks battling allegations that he cheated on his wife Kate. But Weekly World News has finally uncovered his strange affair – with 8 clowns!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – As Madam Kristen Davis debates whether to publish her tell-all biography, she has turned to a longtime friend and alleged client for counsel: PhD Ape!

PHILADELPHIA – The angel of death reports that he is happy to be doing his part in the ongoing process of devouring human souls.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration travel plans are harkening back to a time earlier than any had predicted.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the hit reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, have added one supersized mouth to their family this holiday season: Tonya!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Whether he’s a fan of the books or just trying to make friends, Bat Boy was spotted waiting in line to meet the star of the upcoming film “Twilight”.