NEW YORK, NY – Rosie O’Donnell may split from her spouse of 5 years. world renowned therapist PhD Ape runs to the rescue.

WERNERSVILLE, PA – As the media attention grows surrounding allegations of infidelity, Jon and Kate Gosselin have asked for professional help from PhD Ape!

HAMPTONS, NY – The demands on his time proving to be too great this week for individual attention, PhD invited three of his clients to a group therapy session at his posh oceanside retreat.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – As Madam Kristen Davis debates whether to publish her tell-all biography, she has turned to a longtime friend and alleged client for counsel: PhD Ape!

STAMFORD, CT – Travis the chimp was shot dead after brutally attacking a human, and now his family is seeking comfort and advice from the world’s only PhD Ape.

WASHINGTON, DC – With February off to a rocky start, President Obama called an old friend for some much needed support – PhD Ape!

NEW YORK, NY – To welcome in the new year, Weekly World News flew in some of the years biggest shakers and news makers for a holiday party.

MEMPHIS, TN – Ending the year on a high note, PhD Ape has announced he will meet with the man who distributed a racist song to RNC members.

NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised with a rare treat this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – During a short break from counseling Madoff investment victims, PhD Ape ran into a client begging for help – Elliot Spitzer!