NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.

Junior was excited to sit in Santa’s lap and tell him what he wants for Christmas. PhD Ape’s niece Bobo managed to sit still long enough to take a photo with Santa before running off to eat the candy cane picket fence in front of Santa’s Workshop.

“Junior wouldn’t tell me what he asked for,” PhD Ape told reporters outside Macy’s. “But I’m pretty sure it involved bananas, a rope swing, and a Wii Fit.”

“If he’s a good boy, he’ll also have asked for new slippers and a box of Cubans for his father.” PhD Ape said with a wink.

During his lunch break, reporters asked Santa about meeting the young ape children.

“It was a little unnerving, to be honest. I thought they were adorable, sweet little things, but then Junior asked me if I have daddy issues and if that’s why I feel the need to provide children with love and presents.”

“He asked if I crave the approval of my peers. He is definitely his father’s son.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Weekly World News is proud to announce the birth of PhD Ape’s first gorilla child!

Little PhD Ape Jr. is the first baby gorilla to be born at the San Francisco Zoo, where Phd Ape’s wife Monifa was residing in preparation of the birth. Her en suite cage came complete with wooden flooring, a banana tree and two giant plasma TV screens.

PhD Ape was returning from coaching OJ Simpson in Las Vegas when his wife went into labor, but charged into the cage just as Junior popped out.

The proud father was overwhelmed as he was speaking with reporters, tearing up while stating, “I feel no shame in crying over this wonderful event. They say that only real men cry, and apes should not be an exception to the rule. I will make every effort to raise my son as an emotionally healthy primate!”

The zoo released video of the day-old ape, being watched over by a technician while his mother received her complimentary tummy tuck.