MUNCIE, IN – Sources say that Joe Paterno has accepted the head coaching job at Ball State.

NEW ZEALAND – PBS reported that the rapper Tupac Shakur was sighted in New Zealand this weekend.

FULTON COUNTY, PA – 1,000 pigs were found on a Fulton County Farm – apparently they were killed by aliens.

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – PETA’s solution to the use of a live groundhog for predicting the coming of spring? Build a robotic one!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Police are attempting to uncover who wrapped a cat in duct tape and abandoned it!

PITTSBURGH, PA – A tiny bacterium taken from a Greenland ice sheet has been revived and studied, further fueling theories of potential alien life.

WERNERSVILLE, PA – As the media attention grows surrounding allegations of infidelity, Jon and Kate Gosselin have asked for professional help from PhD Ape!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon Gosselin has spent weeks battling allegations that he cheated on his wife Kate. But Weekly World News has finally uncovered his strange affair – with 8 clowns!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – As Madam Kristen Davis debates whether to publish her tell-all biography, she has turned to a longtime friend and alleged client for counsel: PhD Ape!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the hit reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, have added one supersized mouth to their family this holiday season: Tonya!