Bristol Palin is back in the reality-TV game — and her new show is going to air on a major network.

Palin, 21, has signed a new reality show deal that will pay her close to $2 million for the first season.

The docuseries will feature “never-before-granted access to Bristol’s real-life experiences growing into womanhood,” according to Lifetime.

And Bristol is excited about the title of the show –  Trippin’.

The “Dancing With the Stars” alum and eldest daughter of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin decided to move back to her home state last September after she was challenged over her mom’s politics while riding a mechanical bull at L.A.’s Saddle Ranch bar.

She vowed to live a quiet live in Alaska for the rest of her life.

“I wasn’t really into the Hollywood thing,” she said. “After that, I just realized that I was over it. I was ready to come home.”

Now she wants to be back in the spotlight.

Twenty-four Trippin’ episodes have been ordered and will appear on one of the three broadcast networks (though they are not saying which one).  There is no air date yet, but according to sources close to Bristol, “she wants it to be soon.  She hates being out of the limelight.  And she wants to exploit Tripp as much as possible before he gets old enough to understand it all.”

Will Levi Johnston appear in the show?

“Of course!” one of the shows producers told WWN.  ”It’s Trippin’ for a reason.  It’s about Bristol and Tripp, but it’s all about the wild and crazy life she’s going to be living  in Hollywood again.  Bristol is ready to ride the bull again!”

EXCLUSIVE – Sarah Palin told WWN’s Frank Lake that she is running for President in 2012!

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, is starting her national bus tour on Sunday.  Embedded on her bus is WWN’s Frank Lake.  Palin shocked major media outlets when, in a private interview with Frank, she said she is “absolutely running for President of the United States in 2012.”

“And I’m going to kick Barack Obama’s butt!” Palin said.

The bus tour, officially launches her Presidential bid.  It starts on Sunday in Washington at the annual Rolling Thunder motorcycle rally and will work its way north along the East Coast.  The Presidential candidate will visit other parts of the country later, stopping at symbolically important sites in the nation’s history.

Palin advisers told Frank Lake that she will stop in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina – on the bus tour.

 The bus tour will include a stop in New Hampshire.  Tim Crawford, Palin’s campaign manager declined to give more details.  He would only say, “She wants to get people fired up about her running for President.”

Palin told Frank Lake that she wants to win in November.  Lake told her that the election isn’t until 2012.  “Oh, well, I will win then, too.  I will win every year.  This is America. You can do anything!” Palin said.

On her web site, Palin wrote: “I’ve said many times that America doesn’t need a ‘fundamental transformation,’ instead we need a restoration of all that is good and strong and free in America!  So, I am running for President of the United States in 2012.”

Chris Christie, Mike Huckabee, Mitch Daniels and Donald Trump immediately threw their support behind Sarah Palin.

“She’s going to make a great president,” said Trump.  “And she’s hot.  That can’t hurt.  You know, hot is good. I’d hire her on that alone.”

WASHINGTON – US forced to sell Alaska in order to combat with the rising national debt.

The US has just announced that the national debt has reached an all time high, topping $14 trillion dollars, that’s approximately $45,300 for every person in the US. The national debt is a result of the US accumulating years upon years of financial obligations dating as far back as the days of George Washington. But since 2005 alone, the debt has nearly doubled.

In order to combat the continued rising debt, Congress has been put in the hot seat, being forced to make difficult decisions. It is faced with a few potential options. One, Congress can lift the legal debt limit to create a higher credit limit for the country; Two, dramatically cut spending to keep the government on track and prevent the debt from growing further; or Three, sell government owned properties.

After an intense debate on Capitol Hill, Congress decided to go with option number three and sell Alaska back to Russia. The US purchased Alaska from the Russian Empire back in 1867 for the now bargain rate of $7.2 million dollars.

Original Check from US purchase of Alaska

“The Russians offered to write us a personal check, but that was unacceptable to the terms of the deal,” said Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, “This is a COD kind of deal.”

The US stands to turn a hefty profit with the new sale price of $2.85 trillion.  This sale will dramatically reduce the debt, buying the US precious time to rework the budget and find a way to keep the rising debt at bay.

“We initially thought that leasing the state back to the Russians would be an option but we soon discovered that the cost to administer the lease would actually cause us to go further into debt,” explained Sen. Lisa Murkoski R-AK, “That is why we opted to sell it instead. We tried to sell Puerto Rico too but no one wanted it. We had several open houses but no bites, not a one.”

This decision has not been met without extreme outrage by the American public, especially by the citizens of Alaska.

“Just because Sara Palin is from Alaska does not mean that we should be treated like a second class state that can just be sold off on a whim,” said local Alaskan business owner, Bill Kumberlan, “this sale is going to make my life a nightmare, no one on my staff speaks Russian.”

It is unclear what other drastic measures Congress may need to take in order to deal with America’s enormous debt. But if Canada wants to make an offer on Vermont, we will gladly take it.  They’ve always wanted to succeed anyway.

NASHVILLE, TN – Sarah Palin caught cheating at the keynote address at the Tea Party convention.  Incident will go on her permanent record.

Over the weekend former Governor Sarah Palin delivered the keynote address to the first annual Tea Party convention in Tennessee.  She spoke about several topics including how Democrat policies will turn the country into a socialist post apocalyptic wasteland, general conservative talking points, and who is allowed to use the word “Retard.”  For ten minutes she made jokes about President Obama and his dependence on teleprompters.  Photographic evidence has shown that she was also given notes during her speech, but wrote them on her hand.  If this will affect her standing with the arch-conservative Tea Party remains to be seen, as they have yet to correctly use the term “Irony.”

Palin criticized Democratic policies for nearly an hour without ever being too specific.  Most of her political critique consisted of “Democrats are like this…” then repeating quotes in a silly voice while crossing her eyes and flailing her arms.  The crowd loved it.  “I mean, Socialized Healthcare, Oh my god!  Right?”  She continued “And President Obama, what kind of butthead can be President for a year and get nothing done?  I’m not going to reduce myself to name calling here, I’m just asking a question.  His actions are leading this country straight into chaos and it will take serious measures to get us back on track!”

She mentioned that Rahm Emmanuel should be fired for referring to people as “Retards.”  She also said that it’s okay when Rush Limbaugh calls his opponents “Retards.”  “Because he’s Rush, ya know?  When he says it, it’s, you know, whatever!  You get it, right crowd?”  The crowd cheered in support of her argument.  After her speech she asked everyone to friend her on facebook and twitter.

Though Democrats are criticizing Palin for writing notes on her hand, and referring to them often when she was asked questions, it is unlikely she will face any repercussions within the Republican party.  One insider states “she’s just way to popular to get in trouble.”  Another anonymous source says, “Oh yeah, when you’re that popular and pretty, people let you get away with anything.  Like last year she totally lost her son, then three months later found him in the back of a closet.  Everybody just covered for her afterwords.”

Talk of succession was rampant, despite not being on the official agenda.  Overall the week long event led to a stronger and more polarized Tea Party as a whole, unified by the poor decisions made after “discount moonshine happy hours” at local bars.

WASILLA, AK – Sarah and Bristol Palin were paid 100k for appearing on the InTouch Weekly cover.  Weekly World News has uncovered what they spent the money on.

InTouch magazine paid the two $100,000 for an 8 hour photo shoot.  The shoot took place in their own home, mostly while they were going about their normal business.  Guinness has contacted Bristol for setting the record for the most money earned for doing the least amount of work by any teenage single mother with only a high school diploma.

Through the cunning use of investigative reporting and calling their house pretending to be the President of France, Weekly World News reporters have discovered what the Palins are spending the money on.

- Snowmobiles.  “Ya know, we call ‘em Snowmachines out here.  But by golly you can never have too many of ‘em!  They also look great in the living room as a conversation piece.”

- A sensory deprivation tank.  “With being a public figure, all the personal appearances I make (those are 100k a pop too), and now being a contributor with Fox News (my contract would make Katie Couric cry), I have a lot going on.  It’s really stressful!  So I like to come here and just not think for a while.  I could lay in this thing and not think all day, it’s great.”

- A matching set of Wolfskin Snuggies for the family.  “Actually these weren’t that hard.  We hunted the wolves ourselves from a helicopter.  Then we went to old Jim the taxidermist and said ‘Hey!  Can you make us some Snuggies?’  It’s like staying cozy warm and celebrating the 2nd Amendment all at once, dontcha know!”

- A community college education for Bristol.  “We only want the best for our little girl.  So she’s going to start classes at the Wasilla Community College next term.  That should really prepare her for the world, without risking one of those big liberal brainwashing colleges.  We don’t want her coming back smelling like patchouli, burning her bra and watching Keith Olbermann.”

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/politics/15149/palin-in-touch-weekly/feed/ 2 Reginald Cunningham III palin_in_touch_weekly http://weeklyworldnews.com/opinion/7417/ed-anger-says-obama-o-bow-ma/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/opinion/7417/ed-anger-says-obama-o-bow-ma/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:08:27 +0000 Ed Anger http://weeklyworldnews.com/?p=7417 ]]>

I’m madder than a spitting camel at our new Communist-in-Chief!

First he goes to England, gives the Queen records of his own speeches, and lets his wife hug the old broad! (Like I said last week: at least Michelle didn’t try to give the Queen the fist bump!)

But then it got worse. The Teleprompter Kid met some A-rab king and bowed down to the guy! He didn’t bow to the Queen, did he? OK, the Queen doesn’t have billions of gallons of oil on her land, unless you count the vats of grease they cook their food in. But Sarah Palin has billions of dollars of oil on HER land and Obama would rather eat raw moose meat than bow to Sarah!

The A-rabs should be bowing to US! They use our army because they don’t have their own since the Israelis wrecked their old one. The A-rabs are good at chopping each other’s heads off for stealing a falafel, but they couldn’t win a fight with Jerry Seinfeld?

All A-rabs do all day is put on their weird Snuggie outfits and go shopping for diamonds and Cadillacs. The only smart thing about A-rabs is they don’t let their women drive, and if you’ve ever been in a Wal-Mart parking lot, you know that’s a good idea!

That’s who Obama bowed down to? If you can’t be bothered bowing down to the offspring of a bunch of homely, hemophiliac Krauts, why curtsy to the grandson of some illiterate desert bandit wearing a tea towel?

That’s what were getting for the next four years, my fellow Americans!
When the spacemen land in DC, expect Obama to kiss their little green feet!

Click through to get a FULL-SIZED version you can download and send to your friends!

Previously: Palin bags a Bigfoot

LONG ISLAND SOUND, NY – The Lake Erie Monster tried out for the Saturday Night Live auditions to find new female cast members.

Star member Amy Poehler departed from the show after giving birth, leaving the show in dire straits. With only two female cast members left, Saturday Night Live quickly put out the call for interested parties to audition. Little did they know what it would bring up from the murky depths…

The Lake Erie Monster was able to make her way into the try-outs and did the only impression she has: Sarah Palin. Her 60-second audition consisted of her alternating between shouting, “Maverick!” over and over again and winking at the camera.

She was seemingly oblivious to the fact that former cast member Tina Fey had shot the show to ratings heaven with her own Palin impression just a few weeks back. Lorne Michaels was not amused. Comedians Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins were chosen and introduced in last Saturday’s episode.

It is believed that Lemmie (as she refers to be called) was only allowed to audition because of Affirmative Action, which has recently been broadened to include cryptids. After being rejected, she cried hysterically for four seconds and then re-submerged into Long Island Sound, leaving only a trail of mascara behind.

Is this the last we’ll see of the Lake Erie diva? This Weekly World News writer thinks not.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3854/snl-rejects-lake-erie-monster/feed/ 1 Garrett Hawley lemmiesnl http://weeklyworldnews.com/topstory/3661/todd-palins-election-day-stunt/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/topstory/3661/todd-palins-election-day-stunt/#comments Tue, 04 Nov 2008 10:32:41 +0000 Reginald Cunningham III http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3661 ]]>

ANCHORAGE, AK – Todd Palin vows to jump 25 election booths with his snowmobile on Election Day.

Todd Palin believes the stunt will increase awareness and voter turnout in support of his wife’s Vice Presidential bid.  “Last time I did something like this I got a DUI, but this time I’m helping save America!”  Palin said, and then proceeded to yell excitedly with his supporters for seven minutes.

Palin is a four time snowmobile champion and works in Alaska’s oil industry.  He never received a degree, but during his short time at college was a member of the infamous Delta Lambda Mu fraternity, the only fraternity in America to be outlawed in an amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Also he has been a vocal member of the Alaska Separatist Movement and a judge in the 2008 Miss Alaska competition, which he says he is “most proud of.”

When asked what role he would play in a McCain Palin administration, he stated that his formidable video game skills would make him a valuable asset as a military advisor.

Mr. Palin wanted to complete his jump across the state line, marking the fifth time he has ever left Alaska, however he has been labeled Persona Non Gratis by Canada due to an incident involving a missing Labatt Blue truck, several cases of maple syrup, and a psychologically traumatized moose.

Palin concluded his press conference, held at an Anchorage sports bar, by exclaiming “My hot wife’s gonna be king of the world!”  He then fell of the table and hit his head on a pinball machine.

PHOENIX, AZ – With his presidential bid seen as lost, John McCain is putting a Flux Capacitor on the Straight Talk Express. It appears that the GOP is resorting to time travel to secure the election.  McCain is expected to travel back in time later this evening and change several strategies of his earlier campaign.

Campaign officials have gone on record assuring voters that the time machine is eco-friendly and will run on all natural fusion from renewable Venusian grade Dark Matter.

There is much speculation about what strategic changes McCain will make, including whether he will pick a new running mate.  When asked about having her relevancy erased from existence, Palin instead talked about American Exceptionalism and rural anecdotes.

A functional time machine is currently being installed by the MIT Motor-Shop class who put the hydraulics, hover-conversion, and 13” sub-woofers on Stephen Hawking’s motorized chair.  McCain hopes the new “Tricked Out” look will help him appeal to younger voters.

Further changes in the timeline are not expected by the Arizona senator as the Republican campaign can only afford enough fuel to send him back roughly three months.