WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama issued an Executive Order banning the production and/or consumption of French Fries!

NEW YORK – New polls by Esquire, FHM and People reveal that men consider Adele the sexiest woman alive.

Bad guys have a new weapon: Donut Trail Mugging (DTM). Obese people nationwide are falling for the con.

TURKEY – According to one airline, some flight attendants were carrying too much baggage!

NEW YORK, NY – Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, was recently discovered to be suffering from bulimia. Yesterday he appeared on daytime television show The View to discuss his struggle.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Tonya, the World’s Fattest Cat, just barely lost enough weight this week to remain in competition on NBC’s hit reality series, Biggest Loser.

The elusive backwoods creatures are hooked on junk food and have become dangerously overweight!

And they’re finally ripe for slaughter!