BRONX, NY – Fatfoot is looking for a companion who can love all of him.

After months spent fighting an eating disorder, Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, feels comfortable enough with himself to try finding a mate.  As Sasquatches are a very rare species, particularly outside the American Northwest, he has taken to internet dating sites to speed the process.

Several weeks ago, Fatfoot was caught binge eating outside a Manhattan Dunkin’ Donuts.  Concerned wildlife experts sent him to The View to receive treatment.  The popular daytime talk show let Fatfoot express his feelings about growing up feeding out of New Jersey dumpsters and gave him a makeover.

With winter fast approaching, Sasquatches are drawn to prepare for hibernation.  And that means finding someone to hibernate with. Fatfoot has turned to the one place where love can happen before physical attraction.

He has created profiles on the most popular web sites: match.com, eHarmony and Chemistry.com. However, though headway is being made in the mainstream sites, there are still not many computer literate overweight Sasquatches registered.  Most are still using specialty sites like ChubbyYeti and BigBeautifulCryptids.com.

Sasquatches are a notoriously shy species so genuine success rates for the matching services are still comparably low, but primatologists from the Bronx Zoo are helping Fatfoot spice up his listings and facebook page.  His insistence on using the theme song to “Footloose” may be hampering his efforts.

Hopefully Fatfoot will soon find the missing link… to his heart.

NEW YORK, NY – Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, was recently discovered to be suffering from bulimia.   Yesterday he appeared on daytime television show The View to discuss his struggle.

Fatfoot became overweight foraging for food in suburban New Jersey, subsiding mostly on fast food and leftover Chinese takeout.  While most Sasquatches weigh between 450 and 600 pounds, Fatfoot weighs roughly 1,235 lbs.  After the recent publicity received for his weight, the obese australocrypticine developed a severe eating disorder.

For the past few weeks, Fatfoot has been going on binges, eating dumpster-fulls of discarded food from Manhattan restaurants.  Several days ago he was seen purging behind a midtown Dunkin Donuts, and was quickly taken away by concerned wildlife officials.  Once the story of his eating disorder got out he was almost immediately invited on The View.

Most of The View’s female hosts offered their sympathies to the obese primate.  Elizabeth Hasselbeck, a devout creationist, refused to acknowledge the existence of the missing link sitting next to her.

The overweight Sasquatch, although only able to communicate through grunts and pointing, managed to tell a story of heartache and rejection.  Barely a dry eye was left by the time Joy Behar denounced Weekly World News for giving the primate the moniker ‘Fatfoot’, which the sobbing Sasquatch confirmed only led to his negative body image.

At the end of the show Fatfoot was treated to a surprise make-over before being released back into the wild.

Weekly World News and its staff would like to formally apologize to Fatfoot for encouraging a negative body image.  We shall continue to provide the latest breaking news without weight discrimination as “The World’s Only Reliable News Source.”

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