LAS VEGAS – O.J. Simpson was beaten unconscious in a brutal prison yard attack.

Disgraced gridiron great O.J. SIMPSON was beaten unconscious in a brutal prison yard attack,
Inmates cheered as a muscular young skinhead knocked him to the ground, punching and kicking him to a bloody pulp and inflicting injuries so severe he secretly spent nearly three weeks in the infirmary before he recovered.

The humiliating beating left 63-year-old Simpson in agony – and threw him into a spiral of depression so deep that he’s now afraid to venture out of his cell, divulge sources.

Embarrassed by the fact that their most famous inmate was battered while in their custody, prison authorities have done their best to keep the incident secret.

WWN has obtained the full, shocking details of the vicious pounding.

The battle erupted at Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center, where Simpson is serving at least nine years for his role in an armed confrontation with sports memorabilia dealers in Las Vegas in September 2007.

Unknown to the former NFL star, The Juice has been a marked man behind bars ever since white supremacists overheard him brag about his sexual conquests of beautiful white women.

“Unfortunately for O.J., a group of young skinhead punks were within earshot – and they were enraged,” Simpson’s former business partner Bruce Fromong said in an interview.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Weekly World News is proud to announce the birth of PhD Ape’s first gorilla child!

Little PhD Ape Jr. is the first baby gorilla to be born at the San Francisco Zoo, where Phd Ape’s wife Monifa was residing in preparation of the birth. Her en suite cage came complete with wooden flooring, a banana tree and two giant plasma TV screens.

PhD Ape was returning from coaching OJ Simpson in Las Vegas when his wife went into labor, but charged into the cage just as Junior popped out.

The proud father was overwhelmed as he was speaking with reporters, tearing up while stating, “I feel no shame in crying over this wonderful event. They say that only real men cry, and apes should not be an exception to the rule. I will make every effort to raise my son as an emotionally healthy primate!”

The zoo released video of the day-old ape, being watched over by a technician while his mother received her complimentary tummy tuck.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Following a 13-day trial and 13 hours of jury deliberation, OJ Simpson was convicted on 11 varying charges. Before he is locked away for up to 33 years, Simpson will spend some much needed time with PhD Ape.

Having first met almost 15 years ago, PhD Ape has often counseled Simpson during troubled times.

“We met in 1994 during his first trial,” PhD Ape wrote in his memoirs ‘No Monkey Business: The Science of Celebrity Counseling.’  “I had no part in the actual trial and was not asked to testify.  My role was a personal counselor to OJ during the trial.  Its not easy to be accused of such heinous crimes.  And I was there to make sure he served himself to the best of his ability during the trial.”

PhD Ape famously refused to take a position and declare guilty or innocent even after Simpson was acquitted.

With the conviction coming late last Friday, PhD Ape was not notified of the verdict until Sunday and could not arrange for travel sooner.

“I feel terrible leaving OJ stranded in his time of need.  The prospect of 33 years in prison has got to be terrifying.  He barely dodged a bullet in ’94 and now Johnny Law has got him.  All he wanted was his memorabilia back.  Obviously arming a band of thugs to storm a casino is not a recommended method, but we can’t blame him for being a little off.  He’s gone through so much.”

CHICAGO, IL – The University of Illinois at Chicago announced this morning that they have offered OJ Simpson an adjunct professorship in its prestigious Drama department.

Though Simpson was convicted on all twelve counts of armed robbery and kidnapping over the weekend will likely spend the rest of his life in a Nevada federal penitentiary, he will be able to conduct his classes live via satellite.

UIC, home to Weather Underground founder Bill Ayers and several other felons, welcomes the high-profile addition to its esteemed faculty.  “He’s The Juice,” exclaimed university Chancellor Paula Allen-Meares.  “He led the nation in rushing two years in a row at USC.  He won the Heisman.  He was the first pro player to reach 2,000 yards, for goodness sake!”  She added, “I’m also a big fan of ‘The Naked Gun.’”

Simpson has also begun writing a new book tentatively titled “If I Didn’t Do It.”