UPDATE: Barack Obama’s half-bat half-brother, Obatma, is planning to meet with the Special Olympics committee on Monday to make peace over Obama’s bad joke.

Last night on The Tonight Show, President Obama discussed his poor bowling skills. In a passing comment, Obama said, “It was like Special Olympics or something.” Realizing his error, President Obama called Special Olympics Chairman Tim Shriver immediately following the taping to apologize.

However, Obama’s half-brother Obatma will be meeting with the committee on Monday to help smooth things over. Obatma recently revealed he used to volunteer in the African chapter, feasting on the surrounding mosquitoes so the athletes could compete in peace.

Will Obatma’s diplomatic past make things right?

January 15, 2009
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.

Obama revealed today that he would immediately scrap all Abraham Lincoln references at his inauguration and instead would deliver a new theme of “Fantasy Inauguration”. In adhering to this theme, Obama will be clad for all inaugural festivities in the white-tie popularized by Montalban in his role as Mr. Roarke on the long-running television series. Obama also made the shocking announcement that his half-man half-bat half-brother Obatma would attend the inauguration and serve as his Tattoo.

Obama’s official announcement paid tribute to Montalban and his legacy. The announcement also took many by surprise in Washington.

Obama explained, “Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but Ricardo Montalban and the work he did on Fantasy Island holds far greater personal meaning to me. The opening scenes of the show were even filmed in my childhood state of Hawaii.”

He continued,  “America is a place, like Fantasy Island, where your dreams can come true. Sure, there is a price for making those dreams happen. That price is what we call ‘taxes’. My job as President, much like Mr. Roarke’s job on ‘Fantasy Island’, is making sure you get your money’s worth in making your dreams happen. Think of me as the new Mr. Roarke. The man who is going to make your dreams come true. This is truly America’s Fantasy Inauguration”.

Asked whether there would be a role for Ken Berry in the inauguration, Obama refused to speculate.

Obatma, Obama’s half-brother, was unavailable for comment.

WASHINGTON, DC – Bat Boy and Obatma brought their usual mischief to President Obama’s inaugural celebration.

After being bumped from Beyonce’s performance, the pop singer took pity on Obatma, the President’s half bat half brother, and brought him as her date to the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball.  Obatma wore a Calvin Klein version of his standard black suit, which Michelle Obama helped him pick out.  While Beyonce prepared with the tech crew to sing at the event, Obatma played with Sasha and Maliya Obama.

Although security was extremely tight and tickets were incredibly hard to come by, Obatma managed to sneak in the country’s most loveable mutant, Bat Boy, who had endorsed Obama to sway the mutant American vote. According to eyewitnesses, the two climbed up into the rafters and hung by their feet in order to get a better view of the famous dance.

The boys spent the rest of the evening dropping down onto unsuspecting celebrities and running away giggling. Mariah Carey fainted, Sting jumped into his wife’s arms and Jamie Foxx wept hysterically. Obatma handed Foxx chocolate-covered mosquitoes to make amends, which the actor at first didn’t understand, then finally accepted.

The three were later spotted hiding in the lap of the Lincoln Memorial pelting passerbys with snowballs.

WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.

Obama revealed today that he would immediately scrap all Abraham Lincoln references at his inauguration and instead would deliver a new theme of “Fantasy Inauguration”. In adhering to this theme, Obama will be clad for all inaugural festivities in the white-tie popularized by Montalban in his role as Mr. Roarke on the long-running television series. Obama also made the shocking announcement that his half-man half-bat half-brother Obatma would attend the inauguration and serve as his Tattoo.

Obama’s official announcement paid tribute to Montalban and his legacy. The announcement also took many by surprise in Washington.

Obama explained, “Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but Ricardo Montalban and the work he did on Fantasy Island holds far greater personal meaning to me. The opening scenes of the show were even filmed in my childhood state of Hawaii.”

He continued,  “America is a place, like Fantasy Island, where your dreams can come true. Sure, there is a price for making those dreams happen. That price is what we call ‘taxes’. My job as President, much like Mr. Roarke’s job on ‘Fantasy Island’, is making sure you get your money’s worth in making your dreams happen. Think of me as the new Mr. Roarke. The man who is going to make your dreams come true. This is truly America’s Fantasy Inauguration”.

Asked whether there would be a role for Ken Berry in the inauguration, Obama refused to speculate.

Obatma, Obama’s half-brother, was unavailable for comment.

WASHINGTON DC – Beyonce will be getting a little help from a little friend during her performance at Obama’s inauguration celebrations.

The opening celebration for President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration has been dubbed “We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial”. A host of musicians have stepped froward to lend their talents for the evening, including Bono, Stevie Wonder, Garth Brooks, Garth Brooks’ alter ego Chris Gaines, and Shakira.

Beyonce was invited to join, but on one condition: she had to let Obatma perform with her!

Beyonce was requested by the Obama camp to let Obatma sing backup vocals during her set.  When asked why, an Obama spokesperson said, “He’ll hate me for telling you this but, he has a little crush, so… we thought it would make up for the whole ‘hotel thing’.”

Beyonce responded, “This is one of the most important events in American history. To share the stage with any of President-Elect Obama’s family is an honor and a blessing.”

When asked by reporters how she felt about working with Obatma, she giggled. “He’s just the cutest thing! Have you seen the little suit he always wears?”

While Obatma is incapable of speaking any known human language, he has already learned to squeak along to “Single Ladies”.  Unverified reports suggest he may even be the first mutant to breakdance during a presidential inauguration, although this is considered highly unlikely.

Critics are causing a stir, saying his appearance could turn a dignified event into a freakshow.  However, Obatma will not be the first mutant to perform at an inauguration.  President Taft had a three legged tap dancer perform at his inaugural celebration while he unhinged his jaw to eat a whole turkey.

WASHINGTON, DC – After both parties were denied their rightful entry, Obatma and Roland Burris bonded over their rejection.

As previously reported, Obatma was turned away by hotel security from seeing his half-brother, President-Elect Barack Obama. Hotel representatives will not talk about it, but it is assumed that this was due to discrimination of Obatma’s mutant nature.

After hearing about Burris’ well-publicized refusal at the Senate, Obatma decided to lend a sympathetic pointy ear to his fellow rejectee.

Burris and Obatma were seen buying cartons of ice cream and boxes of breakfast cereal at a local grocery store, before heading to Norm Coleman’s Washington apartment to eat their feelings.

Former Senator Coleman, currently in the capital to empty out his Senate office, said, “I know how it feels to be shot down when it’s unwarranted. I mean, especially when it’s completely unfair, something you were legally awarded and then had stolen right out from under you in a totally arbitrary pro-”

Coleman then began to tear up and asked the reporter to leave.

He is expected to join Burris and Obatma at the pity party later this evening, where they will finish off the last of the Haagen-Dazs while crying through Ugly Betty.

WASHINGTON, DC -Obatma’s visit to see his half-brother Barack Obama was shot down by an overzealous security guard.

President-Elect Obama and his family are staying at the prestigious Hay-Adams Hotel until he is sworn in and can move into the White House.  His famous half-bat half-brother, Obatma, arrived in Washington today to visit his newfound relatives, but was denied access to the premises.

It is unclear why hotel security stopped the boy, and insiders are furious at what appears to be blatant discrimination. A hotel guest heard the security guard telling Obatma, “Take your pointy ears and get lost!”

Barack Obama has offered to put his brother up in a hotel nearby, including promises of ice cream and time with the family to ease tensions.

Obatma has yet to comment officially, but was last seen with Richard Buress who also denied entry to the Senate today.  The two were seen sulking outside of a Dairy Queen, drowning their sorrows in chocolate milkshakes.

What kind of mischief did the world’s most famous mutant get into this year?

#5. BAT BOY STEALS NEW WARCRAFT GAME

Bat Boy obtained the new World of Warcraft expansion pack through a combination of thievery and sheer fear.

#4. BAT BOY SCARES MALL SANTA

Bat Boy’s attempts to be a normal child fail again with non-jolly results.

#3. BAT BOY BACKS OBAMA

Bat Boy made his first political endorsement after being swayed by Obama’s half-bat half-brother, Obatma.

#2. BAIL OUT BOY

Henry Paulson turned to Bat Boy to help solve the country’s financial crisis with bat guano.

#1. BAT BOY HATES PROP 8

Bat Boy made his squeaks heard at a Proposition 8 protest.

What were the top five breaking political stories Weekly World News staff reported on this year?

#5. OBAMA NUDE

The shocking photo obtained by Weekly World News reporter Hideaki Tailor revealed that Obama revealed himself during his time at Harvard Law School.

#4. MCCAIN DELAYS DEBATE TO LENGTHEN LEGS

Senator McCain asked for one of the Presidential debates to be delayed so he could “focus on the economy”. But insiders told Weekly World News it was just a cover-up to hide his secret leg-lengthening surgery!

#3. OBATMA

At a shocking press conference, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother: Obatma! Later in the campaign, Obatma secured Bat Boy’s endorsement for Obama, locking in the mutant vote.

#2. ALIEN SWITCHES ENDORSEMENT TO MCCAIN

In a shocking reversal, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain. Soon after, Senator McCain gladly accepted the endorsement during a speech at Roswell, New Mexico.

#1. PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT

Records and eyewitnesses came to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency, Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter. She was spotted carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

UPDATE – Obatma is spending the first day of Kwanzaa with the Obama family!

Obatma, Obama’s half-bat half-brother, arrived yesterday in Honolulu to spend time with his newfound family. He was wearing a scarf bearing the pan-African colors of red, black and green, and carrying one of the Kwanzaa candles.

President-Elect Barack Obama briefly spoke to a small group of journalists a few blocks from his home, stating, “While our main celebration is Christmas, we were more than happy to join my brother in honoring his first Kwanzaa in these United States.”

When asked if there were any hiccups, Obama laughed and explained, “While our girls aren’t allowed to play with matches, Obatma was too excited about lighting the kinara for us to deny him. If I can admit I was wrong about the surge, I can admit that that was not our smartest decision. He was so nervous he dropped the candle and set the tablecloth on fire.”

Through tears and sign language, Obatma promised to use his allowance money to buy a new tablecloth.

December 25, 2008

HONOLULU, HI – Obatma has arrived in Hawaii to spend the holiday season with his new American family.

Although the Secret Service has clamped down on President-Elect Barack Obama’s holiday home, Obama was photographed yesterday spending time with Bat Boy.

Now a new picture has been released by a photographer who caught this heart-warming moment of Obatma arriving at the home. As the newly discovered half-bat half-brother of Barack, Obatma was invited to spend the holidays with the family.

It appears that the mutant has acclimated quickly to American culture, and decided to celebrate the African heritage holiday of Kwanzaa!

Check back tomorrow as Weekly World News works tirelessly to bring you updates.

HONOLULU, HAWAII – Bat Boy has been spotted lounging shirtless with President-Elect Barack Obama during the holidays!

After a strenuous presidential campaign, Barack Obama and his family are vacationing in Hawaii for Christmas. Although security has been tight, a photographer was able to snap photos of Obama shirtless.

But the bigger catch was that the photo included Bat Boy shirtless too!

It’s probable that Obama invited Bat Boy out as a thank you gesture for his support during the presidential election. Bat Boy’s backing brought Obama a wave of mutant votes, which helped turn the tide in mutant-filled states such as Florida and Ohio.

But where is Obatma, Bat Boy’s mutant in crime and Obama’s half-bat half-brother? Is he spending the holidays alone?

Look to Weekly World News to bring you any mutant holiday updates!