BLACK ROCK CITY – The Obamas are going to Burning Man to celebrate the President’s 50th Birthday and extend their vacation.

Michelle and Barack Obama will leave the kids and fly to Black Rock City, Nevada on August 29th to attend the Burning Man Festival – for the second year in a row.  And why not?  It’s the best way for the President to celebrate his 50th birthday – which is August 3rd.

Burning Man is an annual art event and temporary community based on radical self-expression and self-reliance. It is  held on an ancient lakebed in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada.  There is a gigantic expansion of temporary structures, with more than 40,000 “burners-in-residence.”  The biggest draw is the hundreds of strange activities going at any given moment.  “It’s just like the White House,”  said President Obama.

The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance, but the fact is there’s a lot of… sex and drugs.  Michelle and Barack both intend on taking ecstasy and doing Special K.  “People are saying that we’re not connected to the people.  Well, this will prove everybody wrong.  Now, can somebody please get me a bong!”

Art is an important part of the Burning Man experience, and Larry Harvey, founder of the Burning Man project, gives the festival a theme each year, as a way to encourage a common bond and to help make sure each individual’s contribution is put together in a meaningful way.

The theme this year is:  Rites of Passge.

“It’s perfect for Barack’s 50th,” said Michelle Obama.

The President has been working on his art for the festival:  a balloon-animal sculpture and a seashell collage that he intends to display while belly dancing.

“You can’t sit on the sidelines here,” said one Burner. “You gotta dive in, participate.”   President Obama and Michelle Obama plan to take off their clothes and Irish step-dance while young members of the White House staff bang on waffle irons nearby.  “We are going to make the best music Burners will ever see.   It will blow their heads.”  Obama said.

President Obama spoke about the meaning of Burning Man, “I think I see a unicorn.  It’s purple. It’s big.  Oh, and look at the those flying doorknobs.  Fly, doorknobs, fly!”

Michelle Obama was busy trying to plant broccoli in the desert.  Several burners tried to tell the First Lady that you can’t plant broccoli in scorching hot sand, but Michelle scolded them, “You can if you have elves helping you.  And I have a lot of elves and gnomes right here with me! Plus I’m using a magic hoe. So go!”

Secret Service agents will be run naked through the desert chasing alpacas during the week-long festival.   Or maybe it will be the other way around.

Harry Reid will also attend Burning Man (again), trying to impress his fellow Nevada citizens – especially those on LSD, because as Reid said, “they are the ones that best understand my speeches.  But President Obama isn’t happy with Reid going to  Burning Man, “He’s drag, man.  Dude doesn’t know how to get down in the desert, doesn’t know how to loosen up.  I gave him some magic mushrooms.  Maybe that’ll help.”  Reid was seen last year at Burning Man – he was standing on top of an port-o-john licking a frog and screaming, “I’m king of the world!”

Here’s the kind of event the Obamas plan to attend this year :

BLACK ROCK CITY – The Obamas flew away from Martha’s Vineyard today to attend Burning Man.

Michelle and Barack Obama left the kids on Martha’s Vineyard and flew to Black Rock City, Nevada to attend the Burning Man Festival.  And why not?  You can’t swim at Martha’s Vineyard, but you can think you’re swimming at Burning Man.

Burning Man is an annual art event and temporary community based on radical self-expression and self-reliance. It is  held on an ancient lakebed in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada.  There is a gigantic expansion of temporary structures, with more than 40,000 “burners-in-residence.”  The biggest draw is the hundreds of strange activities going at any given moment.  “It’s just like the White House,”  said President Obama.

The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance, but the fact is there’s a lot of… sex and drugs.  Michelle and Barack both intend on dropping acid and doing Special K.  “People are saying that we’re not connected to the people.  Well, this will prove everybody wrong.  Now, can somebody please get me a bong!”

Art is an important part of the Burning Man experience, and Larry Harvey, founder of the Burning Man project, gives the festival a theme each year, as a way to encourage a common bond and to help make sure each individual’s contribution is put together in a meaningful way.

The theme this year is:  Metropolis, the Life of the Cities.

The President has been working on his art for the festival:  a balloon-animal sculpture and a seashell collage that he intends to display while belly dancing.

“You can’t sit on the sidelines here,” said one Burner. “You gotta dive in, participate.”  That’s when President Obama and Michelle Obama took off their clothes and Irish step-danced to a group of twenty-somethings banging on waffle irons.  “Best music I ever saw.  Best music I ever saw.”  Obama said.

President Obama spoke about the meaning of Burning Man, “I think I see a unicorn.  It’s purple. It’s big.  Oh, and look at the those flying doorknobs.  Fly, doorknobs, fly!”

Michelle Obama was busy trying to plant broccoli in the desert.  Several burners tried to tell the First Lady that you can’t plant broccoli in scorching hot sand, but Michelle scolded them, “You can if you have elves helping you.  And I have a lot of elves and gnomes right here with me! Plus I’m using a magic hoe. So go!”

Secret Service agents were seen running naked through the desert chasing alpacas.  Or maybe it was the other way around.

Harry Reid also attended Burning Man, trying to win over every single voter in Nevada – especially those on LSD, because as Reid said, “they are the ones that best understand my stump speech.  But President Obama isn’t happy with Reid’s participation at Burning Man, “He’s drag, man.  Dude doesn’t know how to get down in the desert, doesn’t know how to loosen up.  I gave him some magic mushrooms.  Maybe that’ll help.”  Reid was last seen on top of an port-o-john licking a frog and screaming, “I’m king of the world!”

Harry Reid & Obama at Burning Man

Here’s the event Obama attended last night:

MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA – The Obama family began their week-long vacation this weekend. The Kraken at the heart of Hurricane Bill was diverted out to sea to avoid any complications.

Like many hurricanes, Hurricane Bill was caused by an angry kraken who had been woken from his slumber.  Unconfirmed reports say the filming crew of a Discovery Planet fishing show was responsible for awakening the beast.  As the monster raged, a category 3 hurricane grew around him.

Given the already overstretched government resources, and the Presidential vacation set to begin Sunday night, officials were willing to take drastic action to veer the monster further away from shore.  “Well, it wasn’t easy” said Mike Angiakis, FEMA specialist on Sea Monsters.  “But when you consider the alternative, there really wasn’t a choice.”

Dozens of government helicopters airlifted 50 thousand of pounds of dead fish leading the monster out to sea.  Coating the fish was 16 thousand pounds of tsatziki sauce, which “krakens are highly partial to” says Angiakis.  The yogurt seasoned fish stretched for miles into the Atlantic in a line that could be seen from space.

Hurricane Bill’s path had been following the US East Coast northward, causing storms and tidal disturbances.  Thanks to the sudden change in course it avoided any landfall in the northern US and the Obama vacation in Massachusetts was able to proceed without incident.

Some are wondering if the government only stepped in with this hurricane to assist in the President’s vacation.  “Preposterous!” said Angiakis.  “The government dealt with this sea monster because it was the right thing to do!”

The kraken is believed to have been sated by the massive meal, and is currently hibernating off the coast of Greenland.

WASHINGTON, DC – After her husband’s first fashion faux pas, First Lady Michelle Obama has apparently committed her own.

Bloggers and news pundits alike are discussing Michelle’s outfit after she dressed down during a recent family vacation.

This was how she was photographed exiting Air Force One after returning from the Grand Canyon:

Her supposed faux-pas as First Lady follows not long after President Obama was criticized for wearing “mom jeans” at a baseball game.

Should this be such a big deal? Michelle was on a family vacation, not official business, and spending time in a very hot area of the United States.

Or should she be expected to represent the White House at all times, regardless of the circumstances?

HONOLULU, HAWAII – Bat Boy has been spotted lounging shirtless with President-Elect Barack Obama during the holidays!

After a strenuous presidential campaign, Barack Obama and his family are vacationing in Hawaii for Christmas. Although security has been tight, a photographer was able to snap photos of Obama shirtless.

But the bigger catch was that the photo included Bat Boy shirtless too!

It’s probable that Obama invited Bat Boy out as a thank you gesture for his support during the presidential election. Bat Boy’s backing brought Obama a wave of mutant votes, which helped turn the tide in mutant-filled states such as Florida and Ohio.

But where is Obatma, Bat Boy’s mutant in crime and Obama’s half-bat half-brother? Is he spending the holidays alone?

Look to Weekly World News to bring you any mutant holiday updates!