WASHINGTON, DC – In an interview Monday, President Barack Obama restated his promise to create 600,000 new jobs by the end of summer.  The President is using Craigslist to fill the positions.

Monday evening dozens of posts went up on the popular site Craigslist advertising for jobs to be filled.  One telling post sent the call out for 5,000 gardeners in the Washington DC area.  Similar posts on Craigslist across the country requested 10,000 maids, 15,000 janitors, 5,000 laundry ladies, and 30,000 old-timey news boys to be stationed in major cities around the country to sell papers and shout headlines on street corners.

White House aides refuse to give specifics on what the employees would do once hired, saying only, “We’ll find something for them.”  Various odd jobs around the DC area will be used to help the President fill out his workforce and keep his promises.  Insiders suggest that the White House will finally get the white picket fence, and fix the leak in the garage that they have been meaning to get around to.

Other, more discreet, posts that connect to the White House accounts call for “Economists who can fix this mess,” “Anyone willing to pimp-slap Sean Hannity,” and “a Soda Jerk who can pass a Secret Service background check.”

COLUMBIA, SC – Governor Mark Sanford had the courage to call out the Obama Administration on what everyone else was afraid to say – the Zimbabwification of America!

Sanford, a true patriot, knew something was just not right in the 2.8 billion dollars of stimulus money earmarked specifically for South Carolina.

“I was looking over the proposed uses of the funds and the proposed programs seemed very Socialist to me,” Sanford told reporters in during a press conference Thursday.  “Infrastructure spending, road construction, high speed internet to rural areas.  These are things everyone has a stake in.  Is that not the very heart of a Socialist state!?”

“In addition to that, I looked at the money itself.  And you know what I saw?  Not Honest Abe, or the father of our country, George Washington.  I didn’t even see the chubby bald guy that never ran for elected office.  I saw Robert Mugabe!”

“It’s appalling that no one else was willing to call a spade a spade.  They all just took the money and ran with it.  But that is not how we do it in the South Carolina.”

Sanford accused the Obama Administration of simply printing billions of additional dollars in paper money as a way of solving the nation’s economic crisis.

“Funny money will not put South Carolina’s unemployed back to work.  Funny money will not allow South Carolina to solve its second-worse in the nation unemployment rate and crippling budget deficit.  Funny money will not pay for public works programs that would create tens of thousands of jobs in a matter of weeks.  Funny money just doesn’t have that power.”

Sanford noticed similarities between President Obama’s economic stimulus plan and that of Zimbabwe President Mugabe’s efforts to modernize his country by encouraging spending when it was first announced, and has been crusading against the potential catastrophic plan ever since.

“Zimbabwe has a staggering 11 million percent interest rate!  Can you even fathom that?  A gumball would cost $27,500.  A vente soy chai skim milk latte with a sprinkle of pumpkin spice would cost $526,900.”

“Turning the United States into Zimbabwe certainly is change.  But I cannot believe in it!”