An unidentified object flying over President Obama’s inauguration ceremony was caught on camera by CNN.

The object appears to be too big and too fast to be an insect or a bird, and it’s flat body appears to lack wings. A terrestrial machine is out of the question, as the government was enforcing a strict no-fly zone that day.

WASHINGTON, DC – Bat Boy and Obatma brought their usual mischief to President Obama’s inaugural celebration.

After being bumped from Beyonce’s performance, the pop singer took pity on Obatma, the President’s half bat half brother, and brought him as her date to the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball.  Obatma wore a Calvin Klein version of his standard black suit, which Michelle Obama helped him pick out.  While Beyonce prepared with the tech crew to sing at the event, Obatma played with Sasha and Maliya Obama.

Although security was extremely tight and tickets were incredibly hard to come by, Obatma managed to sneak in the country’s most loveable mutant, Bat Boy, who had endorsed Obama to sway the mutant American vote. According to eyewitnesses, the two climbed up into the rafters and hung by their feet in order to get a better view of the famous dance.

The boys spent the rest of the evening dropping down onto unsuspecting celebrities and running away giggling. Mariah Carey fainted, Sting jumped into his wife’s arms and Jamie Foxx wept hysterically. Obatma handed Foxx chocolate-covered mosquitoes to make amends, which the actor at first didn’t understand, then finally accepted.

The three were later spotted hiding in the lap of the Lincoln Memorial pelting passerbys with snowballs.

I’m madder than a mongoose at a cobra convention over that Inauguration.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the worst Inauguration I ever saw, and I was at the one where Eleanor Roosevelt wore a low cut ball gown and they ran out of eyewash.

First, yesterday’s thing interrupted all my afternoon “judge” shows. Speaking of which: did you see the Teleprompter Kid mess up the oath of office? Wasn’t “W” supposed to be the dummy? Hey, at least Bush’s middle name wasn’t “Saddam”!

Then our new Communist-in-Chief gave his big speech. I don’t even remember what he said. It’s like when I eat that crappy Chinese food the grandkids like and I’m hungry an hour later.

Half the time I didn’t know what was going on. The fat preacher’s the gay one, right? (Looked like it, anyway…). We got a poem that didn’t rhyme and a prayer that did. Whole world’s turned upside down.

Leave it to Teddy Kennedy to try stealing the show by nearly dropping dead at lunchtime. Then Byrd got sick when he heard Teddy was sick. And I thought Byrd was already dead. A Klansman feeling sorry for a drunk driver. Gotta love those Demon-crats!

And don’t be fooled: Cheney was in that wheelchair because his android batteries only last eight years. You can look it up!

My fellow Americans, I fear for our great country, now that it’s being run by this college boy foreigner and the Hair Club Vice President. They aim to turn our noble bald eagle of a nation into one of those carnival chickens that plays the piano – and the tune’ll be written by the Antichrist himself!

Just remember that I will fight the coming evil to the last breath of air in my oxygen tank on wheels!

WASHINGTON, DC – Abraham Lincoln’s ghost has been spotted among strange occurrences at the Obama inauguration.

This afternoon, Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th and first black president of the United States.  Obama even decided to use the same Bible that was used to swear in President Lincoln, who is noted for freeing black Americans from slavery.

The Lincoln Bible was also Abraham’s family bible, and includes scrawled notes and doodles young Abraham made during particularly long services.  Among the most famous of these scribbles is a five-page treatise which he used to convince young Luisa May Francis to go with him to the Spring dance of 1813.

However, since the historic Bible was taken out of storage, strange happenings have followed it.

In the days prior to the event, photographs of the Bible showed strange blurs in the background.  When the photos are placed on top of each other and used like a flip book, the photographs show the ghost of Abraham Lincoln doing a happy dance.

During today’s inauguration ceremony, television cameras picked up the faint image of the 16th president standing next to Barack Obama, holding the Bible and smiling.  Immediately after the proceedings, with all eyes and cameras focused on the new president, the book appeared to float away of its own power and disappear into the crowd!

Secret Service agents found the book shortly thereafter in the Lincoln Memorial, with a few extra notes written in just for the newly elected President.

Government officials refuse to comment officially on the existence of any messages from Lincoln’s ghost to President Obama.

WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.

Obama revealed today that he would immediately scrap all Abraham Lincoln references at his inauguration and instead would deliver a new theme of “Fantasy Inauguration”. In adhering to this theme, Obama will be clad for all inaugural festivities in the white-tie popularized by Montalban in his role as Mr. Roarke on the long-running television series. Obama also made the shocking announcement that his half-man half-bat half-brother Obatma would attend the inauguration and serve as his Tattoo.

Obama’s official announcement paid tribute to Montalban and his legacy. The announcement also took many by surprise in Washington.

Obama explained, “Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but Ricardo Montalban and the work he did on Fantasy Island holds far greater personal meaning to me. The opening scenes of the show were even filmed in my childhood state of Hawaii.”

He continued,  “America is a place, like Fantasy Island, where your dreams can come true. Sure, there is a price for making those dreams happen. That price is what we call ‘taxes’. My job as President, much like Mr. Roarke’s job on ‘Fantasy Island’, is making sure you get your money’s worth in making your dreams happen. Think of me as the new Mr. Roarke. The man who is going to make your dreams come true. This is truly America’s Fantasy Inauguration”.

Asked whether there would be a role for Ken Berry in the inauguration, Obama refused to speculate.

Obatma, Obama’s half-brother, was unavailable for comment.

CANAL POINT, FL – After backing Barack Obama’s presidential campaign, Bat Boy is throwing his support behind someone more his size.

Damon Weaver is a precocious 10-year-old elementary school student who has fought his way onto the journalism scene. After notably securing a short interview with then Vice-Presidential nominee Joe Biden, Damon is aiming for the stars: he wants to interview President-Elect Barack Obama during his presidential inauguration!

Check out Weaver’s interview skills below:

Weaver has now been granted an inaugural press credential, but is still seeking the prized Obama interview. Masses of Weaver fans across the country have voiced their support, and Bat Boy has now joined the forces!

While Bat Boy cannot convey his plans through human language, it is presumed that he will attempt to use his sway with the President-Elect to get Weaver’s meeting. As Weekly World News readers know, Bat Boy officially backed Obama during his presidential campaign, giving him the vital mutant vote he needed to win Ohio and Florida, well known for their mobs of mutant citizens.

When reached for comment, Weaver said, “If I can get Bat Boy to back me, well anything’s possible!” Weaver and Bat Boy are rumored to have finalized their friendship by running off into the Florida swamps to catch mosquitoes together.

[Watch Weaver's impassioned plea to the President-Elect below:]

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration travel plans are harkening back to a time earlier than any had predicted.

It was recently reported that Obama and his family would be taking a train from Philadelphia to Washington D.C., stopping along the way to pick up Vice President-elect Joe Biden in Delaware. However, Emmett Beliveau, the executive director of the Presidential Inaugural Committee, has issued a statement to clarify Obama’s plans.

“President-Elect Barack Obama has chosen to ride horseback to his presidential inauguration. His decision honors the rich history and tradition of previous inaugural journeys, such as those of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. His denial of automotive transport is also a statement against our dependency on foreign oil.

“Millions of citizens have expressed a desire to see Obama sworn in, but sadly, it is not possible to accommodate a number of that magnitude. By riding horseback out in the open through three states, we hope to include as many Americans as possible who wish to congratulate him.”

When asked by a CNN reporter if Michelle Obama and her children would be joining him, Beliveau laughed and shook his head. “Oh no no no, she and the girls will be taking the train. Michelle told him if he goes through with this, she doesn’t care if he’s the leader of the free world or a plumber, she doesn’t want to hear one peep about his sore behind.”