Wal-Mart inked a deal to pay the U.S. government $25 million a year to rename our galaxy.

WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration has formed the world’s first Fat Police unit. They’re mission: arrest the obese.

WASHINGTON, DC – Whites are not reproducing and are dwindling in numbers. Officials have a solution – Hispanics are now white.

WASHINGTON, DC – The White House has officially renamed the U.S. Government of the U.S. Federal Family.

WASHINGTON – The White House is pushing through a bill that will give Affirmative Action benefits to ugly people.

LONDON – Jonnie Marbles, the man who attacked Rupert Murdoch, revealed that he is an American spy.

SAN ANTONIO – Rumors are spreading that President Obama ordered fires set in Texas. He’s had enough of The Lone Star State!

CAIRO, Egypt – Scientists plan to resurrect King Tutankhamen to lead Egypt out of oppression.

LANGLEY, VA – The CIA has purchased a large fleet of Google Driverless Cars.

WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration confirmed tonight that Osama Bin Laden is in the C.I.A.