ATHENS, GA – Kim Jong Il has been sighted at a record store in Athens, Georgia.

Over the weekend North Korea’s communist dictator was seen perusing used records at Wuxtry, the same store where the band R.E.M. was formed.

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – State media declared last night that Kim Jong II is dead… killed by the hands of Chuck Norris.

AUAYAN, Philippines – The strongest cyclone in years to crash into the Philippines on Monday.

WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration confirmed tonight that Osama Bin Laden is in the C.I.A.

PYONGYANG – The Defense Department has learned that North Korea is behind the tainted eggs found in American grocery stores.

NEW YORK, NY – Justin Bieber mania knows no bounds and is filtering into every corner of the globe!

LOS ANGELES – Bill Clinton returns to the US with freed North Korean prisoners. Weekly World News has acquired a transcript of his exchange with Kim Jong Il.

I’m madder than Paula Jones with a leaky implant!

WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain wants the US to take a more aggressive stance with North Korea, preferably using a ship that bears his name.

UPDATE: It has leaked that North Korea may fire a missile at Hawaii in early July. Is this the beginning of their invasion?