HONOLULU, HI – North Korea plans to fire a missile towards Hawaii.  Hawaii responded by offering Kim Jong Il a role in a 1960’s style beach movie.

Pyongyang said earlier this week that it planned to launch a multi-stage ballistic missile towards Hawaii.  This show of force comes in retaliation for imposed UN sanctions.  The US is already preparing defensive measures.

In an effort to sidestep an international conflict, Hawaii has offered Kim Jong Il the opportunity to star in a 60’s style beach movie musical.  Officials within the state of Hawaii say they hope to succeed where the UN has failed.

Sources within the State Department confirm that Kim Jong Il is being offered a role originally intended for Zac Efron.  Vanessa Hudgens is still attached as the female romantic lead.

Playing to both his love of cinema and his desire to be a pop star, Kim is said to be flattered and strongly considering the deal.  Currently, Kim is slated to not only star in the film as Danny, the isolated lovelorn rebel who just can’t seem to fit in, but he will also be writing all the music.

Negotiations have stalled over whether or not Kim Jong Il will also be allowed to choreograph the dance numbers.  North Korea’s dictator is infamously sensitive about his choreography, having once sent an entire theater full of people to prison for not enjoying his one-man version of Cats.

If an decision cannot be agreed upon the deal may fall through and North Korea will proceed with the ballistic missile launch.

UPDATE: It has leaked that North Korea may fire a missile at Hawaii in early July. Is this the beginning of their invasion?

Japanese newspapers are reporting that North Korea may launch a Taepodong-2, with a range of up to 4,000 miles, from North Korea’s Dongchang-ni site on the northwestern coast. It would occur between July 4 and July 8.

This would probably be only a scare tactic, as the missile’s capable distance is 500 miles too short to reach the Hawaiian islands. However, South Korea would be easily reachable, and the launch may scare South Koreans into defecting, as laid out in proposed scheme below.

Will North Korea actually begin their crazy plan to take the United States?

June 12, 2009
PYONGYANG – Crafty dictator Kim Jong Il plans to conquer the United States of America in three easy steps without launching a single missile.

An although the scheme may sound absurd, it’s so crazy it just might work!

That is the chilling warning of a Japanese computer-science whiz who downloaded the detailed 42-page plan, complete with maps and timetables, after hacking into the North Korean spy agency – known officially as the Liaison Bureau of the Korean Workers Party – in early May.

The University of Tokyo grad student says he decided to expose the plan in Weekly World News only after his efforts to reveal them were squashed by the White House and mainstream U.S. publications.

“President Obama is trying to keep the focus on peaceful talks, but this seemingly preposterous threat is very real,” says the hacker, who identified himself only by his first name, Hiroshi, in an exclusive WWN interview.

“Kim Jong Il is crazy like a fox. He knows that in a nuclear confrontation with the U.S., he’d be creamed. That’s why he’s distracting us with his empty threats while going low-tech and attacking America by the last means anyone would expected – with boats.”

Here, according to the hacker, is the bizarre North Korean scheme:

PHASE ONE: “OPERATION ALOHA”

While U.S. troops are busy subduing Iraq, North Korea takes advantage of the situation by declaring that unless South Korea agrees to immediate reunification, it will launch a nuclear strike.

Terrified refugees fearing a nuclear holocaust on the Korean peninsula flee in flimsy wooden sailboats known as junks. Thousands of boats, packed to capacity, converge on the Hawaiian islands.

For humanitarian reasons, the U.S. Navy stops try to curtail the wave after the first hundred boatloads of ragged refugees. But the rest are packed with 800,000 well-armed North Korean troops who swarm out of the junks and seize control of Hawaii in a well-timed operation known as K-Day.

Within a matter of hours, America is down to just 49 states and North Korea has its first colony.