ATLANTIC CITY – Hurricane Irene is weakening and may not be the “apocalypse” that authorities in multiple states are making it out to be.

The worst storm in the history of the world?

Armageddon?  The apocalypse?

Once in a lifetime storm?

Well, looks like Irene was just teasing us.  Yes, it is a major storm, but “Armageddon” – probably not.

Dr. Simon Atkins, CEO, of  Advaned Forecasting Corporation as the hype over Hurricane Irene is overblown.  He predicts that “North of Delaware, most hurricane force winds will very likely be gusts, not sustained winds.”

Atkins goes on to say that, “The demise of Irene has already begun. There is no visible eye. The storm intensity is down to 99 mph. This would be a low-end category 2 or a strong category 1 storm, while 36 hours ago some predicted a catastrophic category 4 storm. Air Force Reserve aircraft have found that Irene’s eyewall has collapsed, and the central pressure has risen — rising pressure means a weakening storm.”

But that’s not stopping Mayor Bloomberg from putting the fear of God into New Yorkers:

“Do not be fooled by the sun outside—that is the calm before the storm,” Mr. Bloomberg warned during a televised news conference from City Hall Friday afternoon. “You can’t wait until there are gale force winds and driving rains arrive. It will be too late then. You have to start your preparations to leave right now.”

Many New Yorkers were ignoring his warnings.  This woman on Coney Island Beach didn’t seem worried:

He issued mandatory evacuations for all New Yorkers in Zone A.   He shut buses, trains and subways.  Governor Cuomo said he would shut down the George Washington Bridge and the Tappan Zee Bridge, if winds get over 60 mph.  Basically, the Mayor and Governor were telling New Yorkers to… “get out!!”

Chris Christie, the Governor of New Jersey, was blowing a lot of wind himself.  “I want everybody off the beaches.  If you stay on the beaches, I’m personally gonna come over and beat your a**.”
Dr. Atkins told WWN.  “The reduction in storm intensity likely confirms that this storm is not going to be as monstrous as it has been publicly forecast to be. Yes, it will be windy. However, north of Delaware most hurricane force winds will very likely be gusts, not sustained winds.”

Advanced Forecasting Corporation, modeled the following predictions:

1)    There will be wind damage over eastern-most North Carolina as well as some storm surge flooding up the Pamlico Sound. Some houses in the Hamptons will be flooded and destroyed. Flooding might occur in New York’s Battery Park Subway station and on the FDR Drive since the city could get up to 8 inches of rain. There may be some New England neighborhoods submerged due to rivers overflowing.

2)    With 90% confidence, we predict a total damage bill below $1 billion. Unless there is an unexpected secondary or tertiary event, this is not going to be a huge-loss storm.

So, will it be Armageddon or a Hard Drizzle?  What do you think?

MOREHEAD CITY, N.C. – An anchor from the wreck of the pirate Blackbeard’s flagship has been raised from the ocean floor.

Archaeologists believe the anchor recovered Friday is from the Queen Anne’s Revenge, which sank in 1718. That was five months before Blackbeard was killed in a battle.

The artifact is the third-largest item at the shipwreck, outsized only by two other anchors.

Researchers retrieved the anchor from the shipwreck about 20 feet under water and were bringing it to shore. The work to retrieve it began last week. The anchor is about 11 feet long.

The recovery coincides with the release this month of “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.” The movie features both Blackbeard and the Queen Anne’s Revenge.

SOUTH CAROLINA – A 900 pound gator was caught this week by a Massachusetts woman fishing in South Carolina.

Agnes Martin caught and then killed a 13-foot long gator in Lake Moultrie this week.  Zoologists say that this is one of the most spectacular finds of the decade

WLTC in Charlotte reported that the Massachusetts resident successfully got a permit through South Carolina’s permit lottery system for the one month-long alligator season. “He was right there at the edge of the bank swimming on the edges,” Martin said. She hooked him with her fishing pole and battled for two hours to get him near the boat. In South Carolina, you have to secure the gator and get it to the boat before you’re allowed to shoot it.

It took two hours to bring in the gator that she first hooked with a fishing line. Martin says she will take the meat back home with her. She originally wanted to have the gator stuffed and mounted on the wall of in bedroom, but her husband, George, a shoe salesman in Newton, convinced her to make shoes out of the gator.  “George loves animals, especially when they are dead and on his feet.”

Martin said that her husband plans to make about forty pairs of leather shoes from the alligator.  George will be selling them for about $1,000 dollars a pair.  “I think it’s a great bargain, considering that this was a rare find.”  Martin and her husband will be back in South Carolina next week hunting for more gators.

Meanwhile, PETA is planning a shoe caper for later in the week.

See the video report of the original catch here.

RALEIGH, NC – A group of alien-like life forms have been filmed growing in a sewer in North Carolina. What are they?

Watch the video and judge for yourself.

Some say it is a bryozoa, which is a coral-like colony of tiny creatures.

What do you think?

DETROIT, MI – North Carolina wins the NCAA Basketball Championship.  Broadcast interruption sparked riots in small towns across the country.

Coach Roy Williams led North Carolina’s Tarheels to victory last night, beating Michigan State 89 to 72.  This is their second championship in five years.

Throughout the course of the evening broadcast was interrupted in small towns throughout the country.  Reception would falter or go out entirely during particularly dramatic moments in the game.  Large sections rural Indiana lost reception entirely.  Riots ensued.

Street signs were torn down, cars overturned, and bonfires set in regions where the Basketball Championship was blacked out last night.  Technical help lines were flooded with frantic calls, but no technical reasons could be given for the interruption.  People flooded electronics stores, hoping a television would be on and showing the game, then destroying everything in their path when it was not.  Sports bars in Indiana, Michigan, both Carolinas, and Illinois quickly turned to violence and pagan sacrifice.

One Indiana family, who lost reception shortly before halftime, built a large wicker man on their front lawn and set fire to it hoping this would appease whatever gods were listening.  Across the American farm belt livestock was sacrificed in front of television sets by desperate sports fans.  Residents of a South Carolina mill town burned down half of the downtown area before riot police reminded them that Dancing with the Stars was still on.

In Chapel Hill North Carolina, students from the tech department created a receiver which was able to pick up broadcasts of the game coming from Japan.  Punctuated by commercials for unusual game shows, the game came in loud and clear to a jubilant student body.  Once the game was won thousands of ecstatic students poured onto Franklin Street in downtown Chapel Hill, where fires were set and cars destroyed but this time out of happiness.

No definitive evidence has yet been given for the sporadic interruption of service.  Some are claiming it is part of a government mind control experiment.  Others believe it may be a cruel joke played by Ted Turner.  One source, who wished to remain anonymous, said that the ruling body of the Illuminati are big Michigan State fans.