MIAMI – Newt Gingrich declared himself the winner of Florida and any reports contrary to that mean that Romney has stolen the election.

McLEAN, VA. – A Virginia woman was arrested for breastfeeding her one-month old son near the home of the G.O.P. Presidential hopeful.

DALLAS, TX – Governor Rick Perry dropped out of the Presidential race today and threw his support to Newt Gingrich and open marriage.

NEVADA – Prostitutes in Nevada are campaigning for Ron Paul and they are holding fundraising events at the Bunny Ranch.

BREAKING – WWN has learned that Newt Gingrich is going to announce a switch to the Democratic Party and is throwing his support behind Barack Obama.

PORTSMOUTH, NH – Newt Gingrich, Republican candidate for President, told a town hall audience that his wife is a robot.

NEW HAMPSHIRE – Rick Perry continues his gafffetastic campaign. He told an audience last night: I hope the Easter Bunny is good to y’all.”

HOLLYWOOD – John Cusack forms satanic cult to rid the planet of “GOP welfare freaks.”

Republicans continue their criticism of Health Care reform. Birthers claim they have proof of Democrat Death Panels.

I’m madder than a mongoose at a cobra convention! If those lie-berals hate Sarah Palin so much, how come they keep talking about her?