NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy rang in the New Year the only way he knows how: with good-natured mischief.

Continuing with tradition, Times Square hosted the annual New Year’s Eve ball drop, in which a time ball is lowered down a pole during the last minute of the year.

This year, the redesign of the ball doubled it’s size, making more than enough room for our favorite little mutant to take a ride!

Security noticed a dark figure clinging to the back of the ball around 11:51PM. They quietly attempted to get him down by using chocolate covered mosquitoes as bait, but Bat Boy was on a mission.

When the clock hit 11:59PM, the ball began it’s slow descent and Bat Boy scrambled onto the top. He raised his arms in triumph and sent high-pitched squeaks ringing across Times Square.

The cameras attempted to film only the lower-half of the ball to keep his victory pose out of the shot.

As the ball stopped and 2012 began, amid the chaos, confusion and confetti erupting through Times Square, Bat Boy was able to slip away, avoiding police apprehension.

The NYPD has not yet released a statement on whether they will issue a warrant for his arrest.

LAS  VEGAS – Heidi Klum has chosen her Halloween costume – she’s going as Bat Boy!

Heidi Klum has long been a fan of Bat Boy and was excited to announce that her Halloween costume for parties she is hosting in New York and Las Vegas will be – Bat Boy!

Alex Rees broke the story that the supermodel, and star of Project Runway, thought that Bat Boy represented “style”, “innovation” and “class.” Klum told WWN that she feels Bat Boy might represent the future of fashion.

It even got a mention in New York magazine.

Bat Boy has long been a fan of Heidi Klum:

This is one of Bat Boy’s favorite pictures of Heidi:

Sources close to Bat Boy say that he has not decided whether he will attend the party in Las Vegas.  ”He’s waiting for Heidi to contact him directly and discuss how best to handle the Halloween events,” said the source.

Heidi did get a little confused and started “monkeying around” as Bat Boy – as reported by zap2it.com

Heidi did her best to look like Bat Boy.  Fans of Project Runway have been asked to weigh in on how successful Heidi was in designing her Bat Boy costume.  Did she succeed?

The most popular costume this Halloween is – Casey Anthony. BUT with Heidi Klum throwing her support behind Bat Boy, the mutant may soon become the most popular costume for 2011.   It would not be the first year he has been in the #1 slot for Halloween costumes.

Bat Boy was the number one Halloween costume in 1996, 1998, 2002-04, 2007 and 2009.

Are you going to follow Heidi’s lead?

A YouTube video compiles reports of the many UFO sightings in recent months.

This video summarizes reports of UFO and alien sightings from the last two years.

This is just a sampling of the numerous reports and sightings in recent times.  Members of the UN Panel on Extraterrestrials say that these are all part of the ongoing alien invasion – that began in 2009 on a small-scale.  In October 2010, the full invasion began – and will reach its peak in 2012, 2013 and 2014.  By 2015, extraterrestrial experts predict that aliens will be controlling Earth.

Professor John Malley, the lead expert at the SETI Institute (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), has been speaking out about the alien invasion for the last two years.  “Humans MUST start preparing to live under the leadership of alien lifeforms.  There is nothing humans can do – we are being invaded.”

Malley says that humans must make the right decision and must NOT try to attack the aliens.  “If we do so, it will be the end of the human race.”

SO, here’s some of the evidence.  Watch:

LOS ANGELES  - Drug users across Los Angeles have encountered some bad  cocaine that is eating away their flesh.

In a case study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology, Craft describes over seventy cocaine users recently plagued by the dark purple patches of dying flesh. And while they happened to hail from the country’s coastlines – especially in Los Angeles –  the problem is national.

As if cocaine wasn’t dangerous enough.  Check it out:

 The DEA recently reported that 82 percent of the cocaine it seizes is cut with the veterinary drug.  While cheaper cocaine can be close to 90 percent filler, it’s often notably filled with harmless baking soda. Exactly why the veterinary drug has begun to be popular remains a subject of debate.

But drug cartels in South America increasingly prefer to use levamisole, a veterinary antibiotic normally used to deworm cattle, sheep, and pigs. It’s not clear why dealers don’t just use baking soda all the time, although studies in rats suggest that levamisole might tingle brain receptors in the same way cocaine does. If that’s the case, adding it to the supply might be a way to enhance the effects of cocaine on the cheap.

Apparently not everyone has the same reaction to the drug and  the effects do disappear from some of the affected once the drug leaves the body, but bad scars will remain with the user forever.

NEW YORK – Embattled Congressman Anthony Weiner has signed a deal to be the new spokesman for Viagra.

Anthony Weiner is finally giving in – having realized his days as a Congressman are coming to a close and that he will never be Mayor of New York City.  All because of a the “junk shot seen round the world.”

After a long night of briefings with his staff, Weiner has decided to capitalize on his crotch close-up – “turn it into a real money shot.”

“I can say with certitude that this has had a negative effect on my family and my job, the one New Yorkers thought they sent me here to do.  I must look to the future.  And that future is… Viagra.”

Weiner was quick to point out that he has never used Viagra in the past.  “I do not have ED and I have been told I am  a  – stud-monster.  Ask my 21-year-old friends.  They haven’t seen one picture of me in which I wasn’t erect.”

Weiner will be no longer be talking about the National Debt, Jobs or the War in Afghanistan.  He will be talking about “when the moment is right” for Viagra.

He turned down Cialis  and Levitra because – “who needs an erection to last more than four hours?” – even though his photo erection has lasted over a week now.

Weiner said that Viagra isn’t just for Erectile Dysfunction.  “Viagra also helps blood flow in the body, which includes blood flow in the brain.  I think I could use a little help in that department.”

“I take Viagra.  Not for my penis, but for my brain.”

Maybe they are one in the same…

WWN’s Elsa Akesson had previously reported on Brett Favre’s deal with Viagra and Cialis.

NEW JERSEY – Horny young men with no ambition fear for their survival with news of the extinction of the eastern cougar.

What was once a thriving species of rich older women preying on strapping young men, known as cubbies or cubs, is now no more. Wealthy divorced and perpetually single women ranging in ages from 35 to 55, known as cougars, were once in abundant supply in major U.S. cities along the eastern seaboard. However, results from the 2010 Census have revealed that the eastern cougar is now completely extinct.

New Jersey was once the main breeding ground of the species. However, due to the ongoing financial crisis, many women that were once considered to be cougars have disappeared. With their 401k accounts completely bottomed out and several without work, most were unable to keep up with their Botox and plastic surgery allowing them to maintain their “youthful” appearance. This lack of necessary maintenance and financial liquidity has caused many of them to fall out of the cougar category being downgraded to middle-aged woman.

The last known cougar was last spotted in Short Hills, NJ. But when her net worth fell went into the red, rendering her unable to fund future hunts and surgeries, a cougar she was no more.

The closest kin to cougars that can be found in the east are located in sanctuaries in southern Florida, also known as nursing homes.  However, field researchers say that due to their age, these women are not actually cougars but better classified as jaguars. And although most jaguars are found in sanctuaries, occasionally a jaguar is spotted living in the wild, often assisted by a Haitian caretaker.

As a result of the extinction, a mass exodus of cougar hunters or safarists, young men that seek cougars, has occurred in major eastern cities that were once heavily populated by cougars. Along with New Jersey, New York and Atlanta have seen a drop in the population of young, cougar seeking men. Most of these men have headed for the west coast to seek the last remaining North American cougars. All of these men have avoided south Florida stating that the jaguar population is “just too weird” for them.

“I have my standards you know,” said Chip an accomplished cougar hunter who claims to have captured over 37 cougars in just one months time, “past 50 is just too old for me. It doesn’t matter how much money she has.”

Who knows what will become of the cougar population throughout the rest of the nation. But if things do not come under control fast and soon, ABC’s smash hit Cougar Town may be better suited for the National Geographic Channel before you know it.

NEW YORK, NY  – Girl Scouts of America were charged with numerous counts of kidnapping, false imprisonment and slavery.

Girl Scouts of America (GSoA) was founded in 1912 and was chartered by the U.S. Congress in 1950. Today, membership to the all girls club is in excess of 3.2 million. GSoA touts that “girls discover the fun, friendship, and power of girls together”. But it seems as though their collective power went to their heads.

Reports show that cookie sales this year were through the roof. Many financial analysts have suspected hat GSoA might even make the Forbes top 100 companies list. However, trying to keep up with the demand for this year’s cookie sales seemed to be too much for the ‘green beret wearing’ cookie peddlers. Evidently, in a last ditch effort to meet the demand, the cute little ladies decided to imprison the Keebler elves in order to supply their delicious once a year cookies to all their hungry fans.

News broke shortly after Ernest J. Keebler, AKA Ernie was found running half naked alongside Highway 9. Joey and Susie Washburn saw Ernie as they, ironically, were on their way to pick up their order of Thin Mints and Tagalongs from their local GSoA troupe.

“At first we thought he was a leprechaun, and we were like, yes, we’re gonna be f**king rich!” said Joey.

The couple immediately pulled over, threw a bag over the elf’s head, and tossed him in the back seat of their 1973 AMC Gremlin, pictured here.

“As soon as the bag went over my head, I thought to myself, ‘Oh no, not again’”, said Ernie.

The couple quickly discovered that Ernie was not in fact a leprechaun but the leader of the Keebler elves.

After hearing of the elf’s ordeal, the couple, without delay, took him to the local police station where he gave the following account of the ordeal:

“It was just another average day at the Tree when there was a knock at the door. To our surprise it was a group of adorable Girl Scouts. We knew that their sales were through the roof this year so we assumed that they stopped by to ask for our help. We used to make cookies for them in the 1930s but had since then broken ties with the girls. Never in our wildest dreams did we think that they would enslave us all,” stated Ernie in the police report.

GSoA did not return our phone calls or emails regarding the incident. So it seems as though we will just have to wait and see how it all unfolds in the courts.  Just hope that the sweet treat you bite into this season is a cruelty-free cookie.

NEW YORK, NY  – Bigfoot strikes it rich in the big city.

Tired of living in seclusion and squalor, Bigfoot has decided to go corporate. He’s trading in his dirt floors, tree top canopy ceiling and living in the buff for marble floors, 16 foot ceilings and Armani suits.

In a deal with Sky Mall magazine, the popular in-flight shopping catalogue that sells all of life’s essentials at 30,000 feet, Bigfoot agreed to license his likeness in a variety of products. Some of these products include:

Bigfoot Tree Yeti Sculpture: $69.95

Bigfoot Holiday Yeti Ornament: one for $9.99 or a set of three for $19.90

Bigfoot Garden Yeti Sculpture: $98.95

Due to the enormous success form the first three items, Bigfoot has been in further talks with Sky Mall. Sources say that we should be seeing a Bigfoot Robotic Butler and a Bigfoot Cookware set in upcoming issues.

In addition to the deal with Sky Mall, Bigfoot has also retained legal council to sue Bob Chandler, owner of the monster truck known as Bigfoot, for trademark and copyright infringement.

“Bigfoot neither licensed nor approved his name or any likeness to be used in conjunction with the monster truck of the same name,” said Bernie Goldstein in a statement to the press this Thursday, “We are also going after Universal Pictures, the makers of the 1980’s film Harry and the Hendersons under the same pretenses.”

When asked how much Bigfoot was liable to gain should he win the lawsuit, Goldstein responded by saying, “Let’s just say that my client will never again have to worry about being pursued for the hair on his back, but rather for the Italian designer shirt on his back.

BEIJING, China – Man harnesses the power of invisibility.

After reviewing Invisibility & Levitation: How-To Keys To Personal Performance by Commander X, I was contacted by Abelard Productions Publishing professing their deepest gratitude for the glowing review of their 1998 publication.

I was informed that since the review, the book has gone into a thirteenth edition in order to keep up with the demand. They also informed me of testimonial from one of their readers that is their greatest success story of all time.

Chinese artist, Liu Bolin, has not yet conquered the art of levitation but has mastered the art of invisibility. Through his efforts, he has been able to take the art of invisibility to a higher cultural plain and become commercially profitable as well. Due to his discoveries from reading Invisibility & Levitation, which he purchased back in ’98, Bolin has been able to blend into any environment that surrounds him earning him the nickname of “The Human Chameleon.”

“It is well known that chapter three, Invisibility and the Art of Unvulnerability, really made an impact on Bolin and was a monumentous turning point for him and his work,” explained noted art historian, Samantha Downington.

Since his epiphany of sorts, Bolin has begun documenting his uncanny ability to blend into environments. He and a team of assistants travel to various locations throughout the world where he is photographed form various angles as he becomes one with his surroundings. He then meticulously chooses from the images sending them to various galleries throughout the world to sell.

Since he began working in the medium of invisibility and photography, Bolin has had exhibitions with many art venues throughout the world. His work can be found in galleries in New York City, Milan, Paris, and Beijing. His works have sold at auction for as much as $50,000. Bolin is quickly becoming the next hot commodity in the art world so if you can afford them, run out and buy one before they disappear.

CENTRAL PARK, NY – Homeless man builds underground snow castle for winter residence.

The northeast has been ravaged by old man winter and his fury does not seem to be ending anytime soon. New York City’s Central Park has already seen an accumulation of 36 plus inches of snow since winter began. Owners of homes and apartment complexes have been cursing the snow as it continues to settle into the metro area week after week.

But one homeless man has taken this proverbial lemon and made not just lemonade but an entire lemonade factory so to speak.

Jimmy “Iceman” James, has been living on the streets of New York since the late 1970s. He has lived in various locations including the dumpster behind CBGB, the now abandoned City Hall subway station, and of course Central Park.

“The streets of the big apple have always treated me well,” recounts Iceman while standing outside of the unassuming entrance to his new digs, “Most of the places where I have deiced to rest my head have always been decent places.”

It was just after the blizzard this past December that Iceman got the idea to make a place that he could call home.

“The idea came to me when a heaping pot of day old lo mein was dumped on my head while I was sleeping in the dumpster just behind Tung Shing House. I woke up, looked outside of the dumpster, saw the monstrous amount of snow on the ground and it hit me like a snowball. But I realized I was actually hit by a snowball by some punk kids. After wiping the snow from eyes I realized that I no longer had to live in dumpsters. I could make my own home out of the snow.”

Iceman recounts that he immediately made a swift voyage back to Central Park, what he likes to refer to as his summer home, where he began making plans for his new winter abode. He knew that the structure needed to be inconspicuous or the Parks Department would surely knock it down.

To combat this problem Iceman decided to make an elaborate underground castle-like labyrinth of a home, having a great hall, bedroom, and of course a bar. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The entire underground layer encompasses a whopping 13,000 square feet.

When Iceman was asked how he could accomplish such an amazing feat he simply replied with a toothless grin, “You’d be surprised what other homeless people will do with just a little bit of convincing and lots of crack cocaine.”