BOSTON – The Tampa Bay Rays clinched the wild card berth – after a major September meltdown by the Boston Red Sox.

After leading by nine games over the in the AL Wild Card race through games of September 2nd, the ended up failing to reach the postseason as the final day of the regular season came to a close. The Red Sox lost 4-3 to the Baltimore OriolesWednesday after leading 3-2 going into the ninth inning.

Jonathan Papelbon blew his second save in his last four chances after converting his previous 25 save opportunities. Also for the second time in the last three games against Boston, Robert Andino had a hit that turned out to be the difference in the game. Andino singled home the winning run Wednesday two days after hitting a three-run inside-the-park home run Monday. Boston had been 76-0 when leading after eight innings this season.

The Red Sox finished the month of September with a 7-20 record and a .259 win percentage. That percentage is the team’s worst in any calendar month since August 1964 when they had a .241 win percentage. The 20 losses is tied for the most in September in franchise history.

Down in St. Petersburg, the Rays defeated the New York Yankees8-7 in 12 innings after trailing 7-0 entering the eighth inning. In doing so Tampa Bay clinched the AL Wild Card berth and will play the Texas Rangers in the Division Series beginning Friday.

With the Rays trailing 7-6 and down to their final strike in the ninth inning, Dan Johnsonhit his second home run of the season to tie the game. Then in the 12th, Evan Longoria became only the second player in major-league history to hit a walk-off home run in his team’s final game of the regular season and thus clinch a postseason berth for his club. That according to the Elias Sports Bureau. The other player to do that, of course, was Bobby Thomson with his “shot heard ’round the world” against the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1951.

The Rays’ nine-game deficit in September was the largest by any team to make the postseason in MLB history.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Tampa Bay is the first team to earn a postseason berth by overcoming a deficit of seven or more runs to win their final game of the regular season. The previous record for the largest deficit overcome to clinch a postseason spot with a win in a team’s last regular-season game was six runs by the Rockies against the Giants in 1995. Colorado overcame an 8–2 San Francisco lead that day to win their season finale 10–9 and clinch a Wild Card position.

NEW YORK — After Derek Jeter reached the 3,000 hit mark, he was traded to the New York Mets.

 

The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy today – and the NY Yankees quickly bought the team.

According to a release issued by the team on Monday morning, the Dodgers filed for bankruptcy.  Hal Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, immediately announced that the New York Yankees would purchase the ballclub.

“The Yankees organization always wanted to have a west coast presence – and now we have it,” said Hal Steinbrenner.  The Los Angeles Dodgers will be known as the Los Angeles Yankees starting in 2012.

Hal Steinbrenner is happy with his decision.

“It’s an unconventional decision to say the least,” say longtime Yankeees sportscaster, Michael Kay, “but the Yankees want to expand their brand and to have a team in the American League and one in the National League is fantastic.”

Steinbrenner is dreaming of a Yankees-Yankees World Series.

New Yorkers were quick to react.  “I feel good about it,” said Sal Provenza of the Bronx. “The Dodgers stabbed Brooklyn and New York in the back when they left over 50 years ago. Now, we got them back – in a way.”

“Yankees will have complete world domination now,” said Bronx native Wanda Easter.  “East Coast, West Coast – it’s all Yankees!”

Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig immediately approved of the Yankee purchase.  He has had a contentious relationship with Dodger owner Frank McCourt and this really “put it in McCourt’s face,” an MLB spokesman said.

”There will be no disruption to the Dodgers day-to-day business, the baseball team, or to the Dodger fans,” said Selig.  “But at the start of the 2012 season, the Dodgers will now be the Los Angeles Yankees.

Brian Cash, the Yankees General Manager, said that at the end of the season, the Yankees would be sending Derek Jeter to the West Coast.  “Derek is excited.  He wants to be near Hollywood with his girlfriend, Minka Kelly, and he can really build a strong fan base in Los Angeles quickly.”

A-Rod has already requested a transfer to the Los Angeles Yankees as well.

The Yankees are setting up shop on the West Coast… Play Ball!!

NEW YORK, NY – The Derek Jeter we thought we knew was all just a front!

Derek Jeter has been the face of the New York Yankees for over a decade. Captain Yankee, Captain Clutch, Mr. November – he’s had many names over the years. Jeter has shot up the Yankee record books and will go down in Yankee – and baseball – history as one of the best ever. He’s entertained us with his stellar play and charmed us with his million dollar smile – but it has all been a lie…

Derek Jeter is a cheater – flat out.

In the Yankees game last night against the Tampa Bay Rays, Jeter suckered the umpires into giving him first base. Jeter feigned being hit by a pitch from Rays’ pitcher Chad Quails and the umps bought it. Upon further review, the ball actually hit the bottom of Jeter’s bat and by no means did it hit any part of his body.

Regardless, Jeter put on his best acting performance and sold it to the umps and the fans for that matter. He was in absolute agony and you would of thought that he had broken his hand. The trainer came out to look at it and Jeter went along with it. Bravo Jeter! This Oscar belongs to you.

What a web of lies!

All along, Jeter has been a model citizen and baseball player. He has certainly inspired millions of kids to pick up the game of baseball and someday achieve even the slightest level of greatness that Jeter has achieved. What a shame! Millions of kids across the globe have now had their hearts broken. Again, Bravo Jeter!

If there is any sense of justice in all of this – it’s that the Yankees lost and deservedly so….

On a more serious note … all jokes and sarcasm aside … Good for Jeter. Can you blame him for faking it? Absolutely not! He did what thousands of soccer players do every game – feign injury by merely being breathed on. In the end, justice was served and the Rays won. The chances of something like this ever happening again are slim to none. End of story.

LOS ANGELES -  Pitcher Pope Benedict XVI has signed with the Los Angeles Angels for the remainder of the 2010 Major League Baseball season.

The 83-year-old pitcher looked ecstatic after signing his one-year contract.  The Angels have now loaded up their pitching rotation by adding the Holy Father, a highly praised righthander, to their staff.

The move isn’t the first time that the Vatican has broken with tradition, but Pope Benedict wants to reach out to Catholics in America and there’s no better way than pitching for his favorite team.  The St. Louis Cardinals were disappointed, they thought their team was Pope Benedict’s favorite, but as the Pope said, “Angels are holier than Cardinals.”

Vatican sources were concerned that the Pope would not be able to wear his traditional gold cross while pitching, but Bud Selig, the Commissioner of MLB, said he will allow the Holy Father to keep it on. “Bless Bud, ” said the Pope.

The Angels were going to acquire Dan Haren from the Arizona Diamondbacks in exchange for Joe Saunders, but at the last minute they decided instead to trade Joe Saunders to the Vatican for the Pope and two bishops to be named later.

The Angels will  not only have one of the best starting rotations in the American League, but they will have God on their side. “We really feel good about adding the Pope to our starting rotation,” Angels manager Mike Scioscia said. “This is a huge opportunity for us to upgrade not only now, but for eternity. To have real Angels rooting for us… that’s worth gold.  Hallelujah.”

Some baseball insiders are skeptical. “An 83-year-old on the mound, are you kidding me?  He’s gonna have to rely on a screwball, a change-up and a lot of prayers,” a laughing  Bob Geren, the Manager of the Oakland Athletics said.  Angels pitching coach, Mike Butcher said in response, “Geren can laugh all he wants, but PB has some pitches no major league player has ever seen.  He’s got a lot of movement on the ball.  We call one of his pitches “The Pope Popper.”  It just pops into the catcher’s mitt without PB ever moving a muscle.  Hallelujah.”

Non-Catholics, atheists and sinners in MLB are concerned that the Pope may favor Catholic batters, especially those named Jesus.  However, Scioscia said the Pope will be “charitable” to all.

Batters are forewarned.  It’s not a good idea to hit a homerun off the Pope. There can be serious soul consequences.

Pope Benedict will be starting at The Big A on Friday against the Mariners.  Bat Boy will be… the batboy.

BRONX, NY – It was reported that Michael Jackson was to trade in his famed sequined glove for a baseball mitt. The late eccentric millionaire was to buy the Yankee franchise — so he could play center field.

“The general public had no idea how much of a baseball fan Michael really was. He had not missed a World Series since 1968, he owned loads of sports memorialbilia, and loved to toss a ball around with his kids,” says one source close to the superstar.

“Michael was a surprisingly good athlete — he had great reflexes and superb coordination, not to mention long legs that would take him around the bases in a flash,” continued the source.

Rumors that Michael Jackson was planning on buying the franchise had been around for years, and whispers of a “mystery buyer” for even longer.

The Jackson family would not comment on the issue, but it’s been said that the player’s grumblings may have unraveled the deal. They feared Michael would have made special demands, and been given special treatment.

“Who knows! He may have made Bubbles our mascot,” says one player. “On the other hand, watching him moonwalk around the bases would have been pretty amazing.”

NEW YORK, NY – Amidst all the hoopla surrounding the new Yankee Stadium:  Is it home run friendly, is it too big, can A-Rod still choke when it matters in more spacious surroundings, etc., one thing has gone under the radar with local fans.  The team’s decision to alter the National Anthem.

In an effort to be more PC, team officials decided over the summer that starting this year, they were going to alter the song to assure no ethnicity, race, team, fan, political entity, and Islamic extremist was offended.

Said one Yankee spokesman, ‘First of all, call me spokesperson, so I don’t offend any females.  We thought that with a new President, and a new stadium, now would be the perfect time to show the world that the Yankees are expanding their brand.  It’s the right thing to do.  We expect it to catch on.”  Then he continued, “Plus in this economy, s***, we need as many people as possible to pay for the seats we totally overpriced.  S***, don’t print that last part.  If you do, I’ll just deny it.  Wait, is that a tape recorder.  F*** me.”—(inaudible commotion).

DBB research has obtained a few of the changes to the Yankee’s new version.
‘bombs bursting in air’, will be changed to ‘tireless peace talks’;
‘our flag was still there’, will be changed to ‘our flag was still there but we’re not occupiers, and we’re not here to colonize your Arab country’;
‘home of the brave’, will be changed to ‘home of the very cool’.

Is this going too far? Will the Yankees regret this decision?  Does anyone even listen to the anthem or are they getting beer and finding their seats? Short answer.  Maybe.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – Times are tough. The economy is tanking.  And some sports leagues, teams, and stadiums have imposed a ticket price freeze. Don’t kid yourself.  That trickles down to the athletes.  These guys aren’t making only small fortunes now.

So why are they not sharing in the federal bailout?   These guys are American too you know*.
*Except half the NHL is from Canada and Europe, and 30% of baseball is Latin**.
**Stop splitting hairs, you ‘America should look out for America only’ bigots.  Your hatred is ugly.

Did you know Stephon Marbury only makes 21.9MM??!!  That’s only $10.5 million after taxes, agent fees, posse maintenance, and excessive partying.  That $28,000 per diem has to sustain him for a whole 12 months!  That has to be his walkaround money for the year.  That’s unacceptable.

Instead of charities, public works, and infratstructure, can we please get our priorities right? The rumor out of the Bronx is that the New Yankee stadium nachos have only 2 kinds of cheese options, due to budgetary constraints.  Yeah, like having a 3rd grade art class is more important than that?

You ignore this countries greatest cross-section, you make them tighten their belt, and you watch how fast we become a 3rd world sports power.

How is a marginal athlete expected to finance his HGH habit?  How is a NFL’er expected to make it reign?  How is any NBA player expected to knock up groupies? If each of them does not have the proper capital to blow foolishly.

Come on, Congress. These guys are just like us (on roids), work almost as hard (for about half the year) as your typical factory worker, and have the same concerns as everyday Americans (who have won the lottery).  They board private jets just like the rest of us (would).

Stop ignoring their needs, and let us help them.  It’s the right thing to do.