NEW YORK, NY – Fox News stated yesterday that America is not pure since people marry “other species and ethnics.” Mutants around the country are now up in arms.
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BERNARD MADOFF'S SENTENCING
NEW YORK, NY – Bernard Madoff was sentenced yesterday for committing the biggest ponzi scheme in history. The courts are insuring he serves as much time as possible.
MAN DRESSES UP AS DEAD MOTHER IN SCAM
NEW YORK, NY – A Brooklyn man has been arrested for dressing up as his dead mother to scam the government!
ASHRITA FURMAN WINS 100TH GUINNESS RECORD
NEW YORK, NY – Ashrita Furman, a New York City resident, has become the first person to simultaneously hold 100 titles in the Guinness Book of World Records!
MAN SUES HIMSELF FOR $8 MILLION
NEW YORK, NY – Wall Street executive Robert Rubin has successfully sued himself for $8 million.
WHERE’S OSAMA BIN LADEN?
NEW YORK, NY – Researchers have been using satellite-aided georgaphical analysis to pinpoint Osama bin Laden’s location, but he may be closer than they think.
COULTER OVERLOADS TODAY SHOW
NEW YORK, NY – NBC’s Today Show regretted re-booking right wing pundit, Ann Coulter, after the controversial writer went into overload on live television.
MERPEOPLE TO BUY CONEY ISLAND
NEW YORK, NY – New York state, desperate for money, has agreed to sell Coney Island to the Merpeople.
HASSELBECK CURSES BUSH
NEW YORK, NY – The View’s resident Republican was snubbed by the White House, and she isn’t going down without a fight!
Elisabeth Hasselbeck is one of four female hosts of ABC’s “The View”. Previously a contestant on “Survivor: The Australian Outback”, Hasselbeck fought her way onto the daytime talk show to become the conservative voice.