NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy rang in the New Year the only way he knows how: with good-natured mischief.

Continuing with tradition, Times Square hosted the annual New Year’s Eve ball drop, in which a time ball is lowered down a pole during the last minute of the year.

This year, the redesign of the ball doubled it’s size, making more than enough room for our favorite little mutant to take a ride!

Security noticed a dark figure clinging to the back of the ball around 11:51PM. They quietly attempted to get him down by using chocolate covered mosquitoes as bait, but Bat Boy was on a mission.

When the clock hit 11:59PM, the ball began it’s slow descent and Bat Boy scrambled onto the top. He raised his arms in triumph and sent high-pitched squeaks ringing across Times Square.

The cameras attempted to film only the lower-half of the ball to keep his victory pose out of the shot.

As the ball stopped and 2012 began, amid the chaos, confusion and confetti erupting through Times Square, Bat Boy was able to slip away, avoiding police apprehension.

The NYPD has not yet released a statement on whether they will issue a warrant for his arrest.

CHARLESTON, WV – It’s that time of year again, when people across the country are making resolutions for the new year.

The Weekly World News brings you a list of this year’s resolutions from America’s Favorite Mutant, Bat Boy.

1.  Don’t get arrested. Bat Boy has a long history with the law.  In years past bat Boy has stolen a car, led authorities on a multi-state high speed chase, and prompted the dispatching of the National Guard.  Usually he commits these felonies without meaning to.  While currently he is only wanted in 4 states, those states are out of the way and easy to avoid.

2.  Always say ‘Please’.

3.  Stop breaking into the White House. Bat Boy has broken into the White House 7 times since the Obamas took office.  Typically it is because he wants to play catch with the President, or see if Sasha and Malia can come out to play.  One time it was to see Michelle Obama because he had a bad dream.

4.  Don’t drive. Bat Boy is only a child, yet on several occasions he has been found behind the wheel of a car, usually to disastrous results.  This year Bat Boy is making a pledge to not panic and think before he solves a situation by getting into whatever car is closest and driving away.

5.  Watch his diet. Being a half bat mutant, Bat Boy only eats mosquitoes.  Last month he gave himself a bad tummy ache from eating too many chocolate covered mosquitoes at once.  In the coming year he hopes to remember that chocolate covered mosquitoes are just a sometimes food.

6.  Clean out the cave more. No one is actually expecting the little mutant boy to live up to this one, but it’s worth a try.

7.  Stop rereading the Twilight series.  Bat Boy is a huge Twilight fan.  He has read his personal copies of the books more than a dozen times.  He recognizes he needs to stop doing that so much.

8.  Don’t be scared of the Pope. For some reason one of the few things that frightens the mutant child is the Pope.  For some reason the combination of old man, shiny costumes, and big hats scares Bat Boy to no end.  In the coming year he hopes to remember that the Pope is just a nice old man, and not run screaming from pictures of him.

Scientists discover that the New Years Eve blue moon was caused by an angelic pool party!

Revelers around the world enjoyed a rare blue moon last night while ringing in the new year.  However, scientists researching the rare phenomena discovered that it was caused by an an angelic pool party.  High powered telescopes revealed angels frolicking on a moon that had been covered in water!  Below is an photograph taken from a passing satellite.

Scientists have been thrown for a loop.  Never before has modern science caught glimpses of angels throwing a party.  Suddenly the surface of the moon was  covered with water that the entire angelic host was playing in.  At some point between 4 and 5 am, just as quickly as it had appeared, the angels and the water vanished leaving the moon as dry and lonely as it was before.

Religious scholars are eagerly dissecting images from the event.  Squirt guns, inflatable rafts, and bikinis were seen on angelic messengers of all distinctions.  A redirected weather satellite caught footage of a squirt gun fight between cherubim and seraphim.  Gabriel the Archangel was seen keeping order, and if an angel got too rowdy he would smack them with a pool noodle.  While it has always been a matter of ecumenical debate how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, we now have photographic evidence of how many angels it takes to do a keg stand: 3.

Most scholars now agree that the rare blue moon is a visual side effect caused by the angelic host being given a night off for a lunar pool party.  Last night’s event just happened to be timed while most of the globe was also celebrating to ring in the new year.  Unfortunately all of the world’s guardian angels were also busy at the pool party while most of the globe was drinking last night, which explains the unusually high number of accidents reported around the world.

The End of the World may be coming, and Weekly World News knows what you need to look out for!

A new year is almost upon is, and so is the end of times.  With a fond look back at life as we have known it, we now look forward to predictions of what we might expect when the end of the world comes.

Biblical scholars agree that signs hidden throughout the Bible would put the end of the world at the year 2000.  With the end of the world now years overdue it could come at any moment.  Although scholars also agree that God would likely end the world in time with the resetting of the calender year purely out of good manners.

Should the end of the world come several key signs will let people know that it is about to happen.  Noteworthy on the list of portents are the seas beginning to boil, the moon turning to blood, and the dead rising from their graves.  Climate scientists have documented that ocean temperatures are rising drastically.  Though they are nowhere near a boil, the oceans could feasibly be set on fire with all the pollutants now found in them.  Tonight’s lunar conditions are exceptionally rare for a new years eve, with a very full and blue moon.  Should this suddenly change to red would be atmospherically unpredictable, but an excellent light show to herald in the end of days.  A rising of the dead, if taken out of the literal context, could mean many things.  Zombies are dominating the landscapes of many comic books right now, and it is possible that Biblical prophets were looking into a comic book store without knowing it.  Other interpretations point towards Hugh Hefner, and the “raising” of a man who should be dead.  Zombie enthusiasts are eagerly hoping that the dead literally rise from the ground, and soon.  The Zombie Survival Society is anxious to put its theories into practice and are already preparing for an attempt to survive an zombie plague.

Most notable in the Christian signs of the Apocalypse is the coming of the Anti Christ.  As foretold in the book of Revelations the Anti Christ will come, born of the eternal sea (the world of politics), to bring suffering to the world.  But before he can do that Jesus will show up to defend the Christ family name.  One book of the  Apocrypha, the book of Levi, refers to a one on one fight between the Son of God and the Son of Satan over who will rule in the end of times.  Though ancient the book describes what sounds like a boxing match, where the two deities will assume human form and settle their differences with fisticuffs.

Should the Anti Christ win this pugilistic duel, Jesus will take all of his followers directly to heaven leaving the world and all disbelievers in the hands of the Anti Christ.  The Anti Christ will then create a One World government to carry out his evil, which contemporary scholars and most of Arkansas agrees would look much like Sweden.  The Anti Christ will reign over a world with free health care and legalized prostitution from then on for all time.

Should the world end tonight at midnight, or not, everyone here at the Weekly World News wishes you a very Happy New Year.

NEW YORK, NY – To welcome in the new year, Weekly World News flew in some of the years biggest shakers and news makers for a holiday party.

Mutants, cryptids, and journalists toasted the new year at a party held in the WWN Headquarters in downtown Manhattan.

When asked what their New Year’s resolutions would be, here are some of your favorite celebrities answers:

PhD Ape, three martinis in, wrote a mini dissertation on a cocktail napkin in calligraphy.  In summation, he hopes to continue to make a positive contribution to people in need and learn to be a good father.  Also he wants to take a pottery class.

Bat Boy, who was given sodas and pixie sticks all night, drew on construction paper pictures of himself and Obatma playing together on the White House lawn.

Manigator, drinking cans of cheap beer and what appeared to be moonshine out of a coffee can, wrote down on a used napkin, “This year it’s gonna be difrent when they get into (illegible) They don’t know who they’re dealin with (stained section) that’s just crazy they’d charge me for-”

That was as far as he got before the writing trailed off and he passed out in the bathroom.

Fatfoot said through his wildlife worker/interpreter that he wanted to stop using food to deal with his feelings, start leading a more active lifestyle, and most importantly learn to love himself so others can love him to.  For the last night of the year, he allowed himself to splurge on 7-11 Big Gulps and a tray of pigs-in-a-blanket.