AUSTIN, TX – Texas has seceded from the union.  Led by Governor Rick Perry, Texans and frustrated Conservatives are clamoring to Texas to start a new country.

Texas’ state congress held an emergency session on Thursday, and in a 180-1 vote decided to secede from the union.

Originally the Texas Senate opposed the actions of the State Congress, until the Congressmen asked if they would like to “step outside.”  After a brief scuffle behind the Capitol building, the Senate agreed and ratified the secession.

The new Republic of Texas is actively attracting those who are unhappy with the current US government.  Republicans who attended “Tea Party” protests earlier this week are expected to emigrate in droves.  Grief counselors had to be brought in to many of the protests as hundreds of Republicans realized they are now the minority.  Commercials on Fox News are advertising the new republic as “a Right-minded, God-fearing, *ss-kicking place to live.”  The Michigan Militia has offered to act as interim border patrol for the new state.

Texas was a republic from 1836, when it declared independence from Mexico, to 1845, when it was annexed as a U.S. state.  Kept in the state’s constitution was a provision allowing Texas the right to secede, which has to this point been purely ceremonial.

Governor Rick Perry made the announcement at a press conference Thursday afternoon.  Wearing a navy blue suit and carrying a Winchester rifle, Governor Perry announced that Texas would be its own autonomous republic.  The downtown Austin crowd responded with mostly polite applause and confused stares.  The same speech delivered in Houston later that day was met with thunderous applause and gunshots into the air.

The first orders of business addressed by the Republic of Texas were to set up a holiday on May 2nd where effigies of Gen. Santa Anna will be burned publicly, and to require all state business to be done wearing ‘coonskin caps.

MOBILE, AL – On April 15th, patriots will meet all over this nation to celebrate Tax Day by staging massive tea parties.  The tea of choice on the menu – money!

Following in the conservative footprints of New American Tea founder, Rick Santelli, many Americans have decided to signal their displeasure with government spending, specifically the bailouts of selfish, ignorant home mortgage holders, by refusing to pay the government any taxes they owe on their 2008 returns.

Rather, they will steep that money for 1-3 minutes, depending on taste, and drink it down, savoring its patriotic flavor.

Speaking to a group of supporters, Santelli said, “Americans are finally waking up!  They can see with their own eyes what our government is trying to do with our tax money!  We can’t be fooled by the news networks who are in the pocket of the Obama Administration.  I don’t care that they say the Dow is up every day for the last week.”

“Where are my Dow points?  Huh?!  Can I buy another car with Dow points?  Can I pay rent on my Madison Avenue Condo with Dow points?!  NO!”

“But I can with my tax dollars!  Which is exactly why I, like tens of other patriots around this great nation, will refuse to pay any more taxes for 2008!  We are going to drink it instead!  Americans know how to use and spend their money better than the government.  This is proof positive of that!”

Protests are scheduled for Mobile, Alabama, Palm Beach, Florida, and Cleveland, Ohio, among one or two other locations.

However, the Palm Beach event has not been confirmed yet because organizers have not been able to raise the 500 dollars necessary to acquire a permit.

“All the money available for the event has already been tied up in the tea,” Ralph King, event organizer told reporters.

“Its literally tied up.  We bought cheese cloth and twine and put our money inside.  Steve from Steve’s Hardware on Main Street tied them off.  And anyone who knows Steve, knows that guy can sure tie a knot.”

Check out the swinging anthem protesters will be singing come April 15th: