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MATTHEWS, N.C. —  Genetically-mutated spiders have made their way onto the streets of this town!

After initial reports that a “cobweb-like” substance was found on nuclear waste near the Charlotte National Laboratory, sources have now confirmed that geneticially-mutated spiders have made their way into the streets of the nearby town of Matthews. The spiders, the assumed culprits for the strange substance found on the site, can be easily identified from their pale-brown body and length of about 3 feet.

In addition, some of the spiders are also said to have red, “glowing” fangs, according to reports.

As far as the origin of the dangerous creatures, many have cited the national laboratory as the “obvious” source of the spiders. Labworkers have been analyzing the web material found on the site for the last two weeks, and the prospect of the substance being born from biological means has created a buzz in the scientific community.  A Charlotte scientist, who has asked not to be named, neither confirmed nor denied where the mutant spiders originated.

“Look, let’s not point fingers,” the scientist said. “The important thing is just for everyone to calm down and alert your local authorities if you come across the animals. We don’t believe the spiders actually show aggression toward humans, but as a precaution, you should keep smaller domesticated animals behind locked doors.”

Patrols for the creatures will continue over the course of the evening.

Sources have also confirmed that teenage boys should not let the spiders bite them in an attempt to acquire super-powers, as this act will most likely prove to be hazardous. However, many local teenagers have ignored this advice, with many remarking to authorities that “you’re not the boss of me.”

Bat Boy heads to Nation’s Capital to bring his mutant-y goodness to the Catholic University of America!

Don’t miss out!  Head to the Caldwell Auditorium at the Catholic University of America,

620 Michigan Avenue NE,

Washington, DC

The show will be running for a limited time:

February 3rd @ 7:30 pm,

February 4th @ 5:30 pm and 9 pm

February 5th @ 1:30 pm

So get your tickets now!!

Reserve Here:

svy.mk/batboytix

Or for larger groups, call (202) 643-SHOW (7469)

Go see the Bat- Child before he escapes again!

Why wait any longer?  Get a digital subscription to the world’s ONLY reliable news source!!

Do you want to know the truth about the Gootans, the Zeebans, UFOs, conspiracy theories and… Facebook.

Well, for only $19.95 a year you can get a WWN digital subscription.

SUBSCRIBE HERE!!!

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Don’t delay!!!  SUBSCRIBE HERE!!!

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Bat Boy tried living the high life – but he hated it.  He’s selling his Vacation Cave.  You want it?

Sitting on 37 acres just outside of Morgantown, West Virginia a mining town-turned-Baby Boomer retirement, the Bat Boy Cave House is carved into an outcropping of granite boulder, extending more than 2,000-square feet into a desert grotto.

“Bat Boy is down-to-earth.  He doesn’t believe in hype and he just didn’t see the need to have a second cave.  He felt it was too  much,” said Dr. Barry Leed, who has been following Bat Boy since he was first discovered years ago.

Bat Boy’s strange and unusual dwelling is up for grabs and could be yours for $1.5 million. It occupies 2,890-square feet of living space and comes with a 890-square foot guest house, a subterranean game room underneath the guest house, a library building, a stand-alone workshop space, a separate home office, and a carport.

The main house features rough walls, rock and cement ceilings, and potable wall water seep that is collected from a natural spring. There’s a glass-walled batroom, a commercial-grade kitchen with stained glass cabinets and mosaic tiling, an-eight mutant dining room, a sunken living room, two full bathrooms, a sleep loft with walk-in closet tucked below underneath the loft stairs, and a back room that is currently used as an exercise and yoga room.

There’s also a wild party room, that Bat Boy took advantage of often.  Here he is with one of his many lady friends:

“It’s technically a bat made cave that was actually blasted out of the rock existing there,” explains Jean Noreen, a Realtor with Bisbee Realty and the listing agent for the Bat Boy Cave House. ”But it has all of the good qualities of a cave for living like it stays the same temperature all year round.” Maintaining a so-called ‘rock temperature,’ the house never slides below 66 degrees Fahrenheit or above 72 degrees.

Rather, the home’s natural pools are a short hike away, up the side of a nearby mountain and fed by a freshwater creek for six to eight months out of the year. The higher up the mountain you climb the more pools you have to choose from. The owners also installed a carefully camouflaged hot tub.

The other buildings on the premises peddle some secretive amenities, too. Lying below the two-story guest house is a game room with a separate entrance. The subterranean space is constructed of cement blocks and fluorescent lighting. The nearby library building, also constructed of cement blocks, doubles as a safe house, with a back room accessible through a roll-down metal security door hidden behind a sliding glass door. The back room is equipped with a Murphy bed, an air conditioner, an antique vault and a climate-controlled gun safe.

Some buyers are hesitant to own a cave that Bat Boy lived in but local realtors said that “it’s a celebrity property, demand is high.”

Go buy yourself Bat Boy’s cave!

Weekly World News is throwing a Cyber-Monday Party at the WWN Store!   Aliens will be in attendance!

Cyber-Monday 2010 is officially underway and the best Cyber Party, the best deals, the best Bat Boy paraphernalia can ONLY  be found at:

THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS CYBER-MONDAY STORE!

Free Shipping on all orders of  $20 or more!!!  Forget Call of Duty, Black Ops, forget Squinkies, forget iPhones or iPads or IPORN – what that special someone in life REALLY wants is to be part of Bat Boy Nation!

Here’s just SOME great gift ideas for the holidays:

1) The Bat Boy Bobblehead

2)  Bat Boy T-Shirt

3)  GOING MUTANT- Bat Boy Exposed

4)  Custom Framed WWN Covers

*FREE SHIPPING on all orders over 20$!  So, come join the party!

Here’s the Today Show talking about Cyber-Monday madness.  Matt will be attending the WWN Cyber-Monday party in cyberspace:

NEW JERSEY -  A rare mutation happened to Fred Alan on the way to his Thanksgiving feast.  His head turned into a Tuna!

Last week, Fred Allan, an angler who went missing three miles off the coast of New Jersey, was spotted in Jersey City on his way to a Thanksgiving feast.

Fred sat through his Thanksgiving meal with his family without them noticing that his head was had turned into a tuna. But his family has never paid much attention to Fred.   He left with his turkey leftovers.

It wasn’t until he was walking home when a little boy, Chucky Thompson, saw Fred on the street and screamed, “Your head is a tuna fish!”  Fred quickly put his hands to his head and realized that Chucky was right.  Not only was he shocked to learn he had a tuna head, but also Fred realized that his hands were missing as well.  See:

Fred went to see Dr. Chris Rigaux, a marine biologist who specializes in mutations,  sea water fish and heads.  Dr. Rigaux said that this has happened several times before in Tuna History.  “In 1876 a woman, Janice Ross, went fishing with her son off the coast of Virginia.  They caught some bluefin tuna on their own and were happy for their good fortune.  But on the way back, her son, Robert, realized that his mother’s head had turned into a tuna.

“Thinking that his mother was being attacked by an angry tuna, Robert tried to knock the tuna off his mother’s head with a broken oar.  He killed the tuna, but also bashed in his mother’s skull at the same time.  It was a sad day off Virginia Beach.”

Fred Alan was originally told that if he waited a few days and made sure he did not watch “Deadliest Catch”  -  his head might return to normal.  But now… it looks like he will be half-tuna, half-man for the foreseeable future.

Fred was seen walking around Journal Square in Jersey City earlier today.  He was greeting passengers on the Path train – telling them that the bluefin tuna was in danger of going extinct.  He was not warmly received – and several Path passengers grabbed fishing poles, tried to reel him in.  Though my hook caught him temporarily, he got away.

Authorities fear that an angry Fred may go out and try to attack tuna eaters in Jersey City and across the state.  Nobody has seen him in twenty-five hours.  Is he planning an attack?  Is he in hiding?   Is there enough mayo in town to handle Fred?

WWN will, or course, keep you updated on the whereabouts of Fred Alan – Tuna Boy.

HOUSTON – NASA confirmed today that aliens are invading earth – and they are  attacking us because of global warming!

WWN has been the ONLY media source reporting on the ongoing alien invasion.  WWN’s own Frank Lake has been the  top investigative reporter in the world on this issue.  Governments around the globe have been covering up the invasion in order to avoid worldwide panic.  But WWN feels we must report the truth, and if we take peaceful actions now – we can avoid a war with aliens.

As reported here many times, the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials has confirmed that aliens from Planet Zeeba began invading our planet – in large numbers – in October, 2010.  The U.N. Panel, led by Dr. John Malley, predicts that the invasion will last until December 2015 – at which time earth will be under full control of the aliens from Zeeba.  If we act now, we can co-exist peacefully with the aliens.

In a stunning announcement today, NASA confirmed Frank Lake’s reportage.  ”Aliens have been invading our planet in ever-increasing numbers,” warns a report from NASA.

The reason?

NASA says that rising greenhouse emissions may have tipped off aliens that we are a rapidly expanding threat. “Watching from afar, extraterrestrials have viewed changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilization out of control – and are taking drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat,” NASA researchers explain.

ALEXANDRIA, MN -  A mystery carcass was found in Douglas County.  Nobody knows what it is or how it got there.

The dead white mammal was spotted this week on a Douglas County road with five claws, dark tufts of hair on its back and head and long toenails.

Roadkill is nothing new for Minnesotans, who are used to weird dead mammals being found on the side of the road.

Lacey Ilse said she was driving near her home on County Road 86, south of Alexandria, when she spotted the mysterious mammal.

“We saw something in the middle of the road, and we knew it wasn’t a dog or a cat, because it didn’t have hair. It had a clump of hair and all the rest was just white skin,” Ilse said.“it’s ear was all mis-shaped. To me, it looked like half-human.”

Ilse said she soon posted pictures of the animal on Facebook, and rumors and speculation took off.

“It just shot out like wildfire. everybody was putting it on their Facebook pages. And then, their friends were putting it on their pages,” she said.

Noelle Jones sent the pictures to KSAX Monday, and after posting them on the KSAX Facebook page  that night, more than 175 comments have been posted about the unusual animal, with guesses ranging from a skunk, badger, wolverine, wolf, or even proof of the mythical chupacabra.

Folks in Alexandria Wednesday had their own ideas.

“First guess was a badger with like, a case of mange. But then, some other people were saying, like a chupacabra. and after looking at some pictures, I was like, ‘you know, it’s possible,” Jones said.

“It kinda looks like a 10-year-old wolf,” Austin Becker of Alexandria said.

“Almost looks like a pig, with paws? I don’t know, or a wolf,” Kaitlin Van Horn of Morris said.

Glenwood DNR Area Wildlife Supervisor Kevin Kotts used the process of elimination to give his answer.

“It’s got five long front claws on each of its front feet, which would be characteristic of  a badger,” Kotts said.  Kotts said.  “I ran teh pictures past a few other DNR folks that have a lot of trapping and/or  fur-bare experience, and they all said that it ir’s hard to be 100 percent sure what it is… but if it’s a Minnesota animal, it’s probably a badger.

But forensic biologists  have confirmed that it’s definitely NOT a badger.

But Ilse, and just about everyone else who has seen it, can’t be so sure.

“If you’re looking at the top half, it definitely looks like a dog that’s kind of been torn apart. But, I’m not sure what to make of the back part,” Igor Simanovich of the Twin Cities said.

“It’s a strange animal and i hope we don’t have anymore around here,” Jane Murphy of Alexandria said.

“You know how they do their government secret testing on animals? and I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve never seen an animal like this,” Ilse said

Jason Abraham, with the Department of Natural Resources, said he thinks it may be a domestic dog, but he is still left with questions.

“The head suggests a canine, very likely a domestic dog,” Abraham said. “However, the right front foot appears to have five toes, which is not typical for canines. Also, the long toenails are not typical for an active canine.”

Ilse said some of her guinea hens and cats are missing and suspects the animal or others in the area may be to blame. Several burrowed holes ranging from four to ten inches in size were also spotted near where the animal was found.

Ilse said Kotts was able to check the creature out Wednesday afternoon and said it’s similar to a badger but has a much longer tail than usual, and took the carcass in for further testing.

Joe Nielsen and Laurie Stribling

PIMA COUNTY, AZ  – The U.S. Department of Interior has released a Chupacabra into Arizona in an attempt to get the State to repeal their new immigration law.

After the U.S. Justice Department filed suit Tuesday against Arizona, Secretary of the Interior, Ken Salazar had the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service release the Chupacabra or “goat sucker”  into Saguaro National Park in Pima County.  Salazar, acting on orders from President Obama,  said,  “We are encouraging Arizonans to repeal their immigration law before it goes into affect on July 29th, or we will be forced to release more Chupacabras into Arizona towns, cities and Home Depot parking lots.”

Upon learning of the release of the creature into her state, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer was defiant,  “Bring it on! We’ve dealt with aliens, monsters and mutants in Arizona for the last fifty years – especially since Don Imus moved into the state. Arizonans don’t scare easy. The feds can send in a Bigfoot Army if they want, we will take them on.  And we will win!”

White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, told Wolf Blitzer at CNN, that the U.S. government will use “any means necessary” to get the people of Arizona to comply with U.S. Immigration laws.  When Major Garrett of Fox News pointed out that Arizona seems to be in full compliance with existing federal immigration laws, Gibbs shouted “Chupacabra! Chupacabra! Chupacabra!”

There is a good deal of mystery surrounding the Chupacabra.  Some believe the Chupacabra (much like Immigration Reform) is a myth – something that never has or never will exist.  Some witnesses believe the Chupacabra to be a small half-alien, half-dinosaur, others think he is a tailless vampire with quills running down its back and still others believe him to be a panther like creature with a long snake-like tongue.

State authorities advise Arizona residents to avoid making any contact with the Chupacabra.   Federal authorities, on the other hand, advise Arizonans to approach and pet the Chupacabra.

In related news, Governor Jan Brewer found a horse’s head in her bed when she returned home on Tuesday night.  Authorities have not determined who placed the head in the Governor’s mansion, though one eyewitness said he saw White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, riding a donkey nearby.