NEW DELHI – President Obama is sending warships to India!

President Barack Obama lands in Mumbai on Saturday.  Ahead of his visits he has sent 34 U.S. warships to India.

Obama will be protected by a fleet of 34 warships, including an aircraft carrier, which will patrol the sea lanes off the Mumbai coast during his two-day stay there beginning Saturday. The measure has been taken as Mumbai attack in 2008 took place from the sea.

Arrangements have been put in place for emergency evacuation, if needed.

In another odd twist, Obama has also sent Bat Boy to India along with the warships.  “Bat Boy is an American icon, a leader of the people of this country.  He will be on the lead warship – in case things start going south, we’ll need somebody who can deliver a shellacking.’”

Obama is expected to fly by a helicopter — Marine One — from the city airport to the Indian Navy’s helibase INS Shikra at Colaba in south Mumbai.

From there, he will drive down in Lincoln Continental — the Presidential limousine — to the nearby the Taj Hotel.   For the first time in the history of the country, the President will be posting his entire minute-by-minute itinerary on the whitehouse.gov web site.

“He’s sending warships to India for protection and then he tells everybody where he will be. That’s crazy!  He’s giving any possible terrorist the information they need.  What are they smoking at the White House,” said security expert Tom Hillstrom.

Two jets, armed with advanced communication and security systems, and a fleet of over 40 cars will be part of Obamas convoy.

Around 800 rooms have been booked for the President and his entourage in Taj Hotel and Hyatt.  Bat Boy will be getting a suite right next to President Obama.

The President will have a security ring of American elite Secret Service, which are tasked to guard the President, along with National Security Guards (NSG) and personnel from central paramilitary forces and local police in Mumbai and Delhi.

Similar arrangements will be in place in Delhi, with the Air Force One to be kept in all readiness throughout Obama’s stay here from Sunday afternoon to Tuesday morning.

Maurya Hotel, where the President will stay, has already been swarmed by American security personnel and protective measures have been put in place.

Security drills are already been carried out at the hotel as well as Rajghat which he will visit.

MUMBAI – Residents of Jharkhand celebrate the deity Manasa Devi every year – by being bitten by cobras!

Every year around June, the residents of Jharkhand honor the Hindu deity Manasa Devi. The goddess of snakes, she is often worshipped for the prevention and cures of snakebites and infertility.

While most pay homage in simple ways, a few show their devotion by placing their fate in her hands. They apply herbal medicine all over their body, ingest Eklavi which protects them from poison, and then place cobras on themselves to be bitten!

If you don’t believe it, take a look at last year’s festivities:

MUMBAI – In one of the most controversial cases in legal history, a man is being charged with murder for destroying a computer.

The Indian government contends that the high intelligence and unique personality of the $100 million electronic brain made it human in the strictest sense of the word.  And that being so, its destruction must be deemed homicide.

The issue is drawing heated debate by legal experts worldwide.

ICICI Bank employee Amrita Rakshit, 31, has confessed to smashing his company’s computer, Goto, in a fit of rage.  He expected termination from his job, a heavy fine and possibly some jail time for vandalism.

What he didn’t expect was to find himself facing a first-degree murder charge.

“My client freely admits that his frustration over not being able to work the computer properly led him to an irrational act,” said Rakshit’s attorney, Kumar Premji.  “It’s a frustration I’m sure many people can identify with.  Nevertheless he knows he was wrong and he’s ready to answer for his crime.  But we’re talking about a machine.  To call it homicide is outrageous.”

The prosecution, however, contends that Goto was not “just a machine”—that it was, in essence, a man-made person.

“Goto was built with a high degree of autonomy, even consciousness,” testified its creator, Ashok Kamath.  “It could…feel.”

When pressed on this point, Kamath cited the computer’s bookmarking of petfinder.com and its Netflix queue, which included Blade Runner, A.I., and Bicentennial Man.

MUMBAI, INDIA – Eleven year old Pruthviraj Patil, the world famous Indian Wolf Boy, has taken the helm of the multi-million dollar company.

For the first time in its history, the Hair Club For Men has named a President that is not American.  “We are pleased to announce that Patil has agreed to take over the position,” retiring Hair Club President, Sy Sperling said in a written statement.  “I have been President and a client for nearly two decades.  I was nervous about stepping down, but with Patil taking the reigns, I know the Hair Club is in good, hairy hands.”

Patil, born with hypertrichosis, the wolf-man syndrome, began mysteriously losing his hair just after his 10th birthday.

“That’s when I joined the hair club for men.  Male pattern baldness is a genetic disorder that can be corrected by proper treatment,” Patil said through a translator.  “The Hair Club for men has been serving prematurely balding men for generations.  There really was no other option for me.”

Within a matter of months Patil saw increased hair growth and thickening especially on his face and rear-end.

“Areas like my lower back and calves had hair growth that I never had even before I started thinning.  The Hair Club for Men has really boosted my self-esteem and confidence.  People asked me why I would want to grow all the hair back, wouldn’t I want to look more normal.  They’re fools.  Ladies love a full body of hair.  And so do I!”  Patil said.

Reached for comment, Sperling told the Weekly World News, “It was very important for us, in searching for my successor, to find someone who not only has the capacity to run an international company, but also someone who appreciates our service and dedication to prematurely balding men.  I think it goes without saying that young Mr. Patil fits the bill perfectly.”